Soup Etiquette Debate Settled

“When eating soup, avoid making a noise.” – When it comes to the soup course, whether it be a hearty stew or a bouillon, etiquette dictates that you are “eating” the soup, not “drinking” the soup. Unless, of course, you have a soup bowl with handles or a soup mug with one handle. In that case, you may eat as much as possible with your spoon, then you may lift the bowl or mug by the handles to “drink” the remaining soup. This is the only time one may lift a soup bowl or cup to one’s mouth when dining in the American or Continental manner.

  

A Reader’s Soup Query from San Francisco 

Whether, one eats soup or drinks soup depends upon the condition of the soup. Some soups are so thin that it is impossible to eat them, but one swallows them in spoonfuls, while, others are so thick that one has to masticate the ingredients, therefore one must eat such. Books on etiquette say: “Soup is always served first; eat it from the side of your spoon.” And, “When eating soup, avoid making a noise.” – San Francisco Call, 1904

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Soup Etiquette Tips

Sherry is the first wine offered at dinner, and then usually with a soup that contains Sherry in the preparation. Sherry should never be offered with cream of chicken soup or vichyssoise, but with turtle or black-bean soup, for instance. Clear soups are often served in a shallow bowl rather than a cup. When the level of soup is so low that you must lift the bowl to avoid scraping the bottom, lift the near edge with your left hand and tip the bowl away from you. Then spoon the soup away from you.

When soup is served for a luncheon or dinner, Emily Post’s “Etiquette” offers the following advice:

• Soup should be the first of six courses. It should be followed by fish, the entree, salad, dessert and coffee. Six is the maximum number of courses for even the most elaborate dinner; and for an informal luncheon, two or three courses are sufficient— soup, entree and dessert.
• Soup at a luncheon is served in two-handled cups. The soup is eaten with a teaspoon, or the cup may be picked up and the soup may be sipped, if it has sufficiently cooled. A clear soup is usually served.
• Sherry is the first wine offered at dinner, and then usually with a soup that contains Sherry in the preparation. Sherry should never be offered with cream of chicken soup or vichyssoise, but with turtle or black-bean soup, for instance.
• Clear soups are often served in a shallow bowl rather than a cup. When the level of soup is so low that you must lift the bowl to avoid scraping the bottom, lift the near edge with your left hand and tip the bowl away from you. Then spoon the soup away from you.
• Both soup cups and soup bowls should be served with a saucer or plate beneath them. The spoon, when not in use or when the soup is finished, is laid on the saucer underneath.

Amy Vanderbilt, in the “Amy Vanderbilt Complete Book of Etiquette,” says: 

• Soup should always be kept flowing in the opposite direction from one’s lap. The soup spoon should be filled from its far side, and soup then poured gently into the mouth with its near side.
• Vanderbilt says that if dumplings, vegetables, mushrooms or other garnishes are floating on top, eat these first by using the spoon, before the liquid part of the soup is drunk. If noodles are at the bottom of the bowl, spoon them up before consuming the liquid.
• If you take a large spoonful of extremely hot soup, don’t spit it out, concludes Vanderbilt. Instead, take a quick drink of water to cool your mouth. If you have burned your mouth, an exception may be made to the rule against drinking with food already in your mouth.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Soup

For Continental or American Dining, the spoon is dipped away from those dining, then brought to mouth level, and the soup sipped from the side of the spoon bowls. — “Hold your spoon on, or in, your hand, not under it. Do not grasp spoon or knife or fork as if you feared they might escape from you. Hold your spoon and fork in eating something, as you ought to hold your pen in writing. Do not put the spoon into your mouth, but drink from the side near the point.”

In how to serve and eat a dinner, a writer in the “Congregationalist” says of the first course at dinner; Never refuse soup, and never ask for a second helping. “He was such a fellow, now, as would ask for more soup at dinner,” was the condensed criticism passed upon some one by a famous English exquisite; and really it is more comprehensive than would appear on the surface, since one person at the table may keep all others waiting if he asked for a second dish of soup. 

If you wish for more salt, and have an individual cellar and no spoon, do not take the salt in your thumb and fingers; and do not after taking it on the end of your knife, perform upon the knife with your fork or spoon a tattoo. Shake the salt from your knife silently at all times; but do not take the trouble to shake it all over your plate of soup, as if it were solid, when one stir-about is all sufficient to season it to its remotest corner. At all times be sure to keep your fork out of your salt-cellar. 

Never crumble bread into your soup, and do not butter the bread you eat with it. Do not perform a circle all round the plate at every spoonful. Dip from the middle of the plate, and do not tip it to get the last drop. Be careful not to make the least sound with your lips in eating soup, or anything else; the clatter of knives and forks and dishes, and the sound of scraping, are not to be tolerated among refined people. 

Hold your spoon on, or in, your hand, not under it. Do not grasp spoon or knife or fork as if you feared they might escape from you. Hold your spoon and fork in eating something, as you ought to hold your pen in writing. Do not put the spoon into your mouth, but drink from the side near the point. — The Morning Union, 1888

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and the Ceremonial Observances of Society

Polite conduct is not necessarily more exclusive than correct speaking.

It is quite a mistake to suppose that the ceremonial observances of society are merely a set of edicts arbitrarily established by the capricious tyrant, Fashion, for the government only of her slavish subjects. Polite conduct is not necessarily more exclusive than correct speaking. The laws of the one are indeed, like those of the other, founded upon the usage of the refined few, but there is no better reason why these should enjoy a monopoly of good manners than of good grammar. 

There are many, however, who seem to think that social ceremonies are so many frivolous afiectations by which the wealthy or fashionable strive to raise themselves to a factious elevation above others, and consequently refuse all observance of them with scorn. It is an unfortunate thing for general culture when the many acquire such a prejudice against the few that in their aversion to their pretentious superiority they reject their real excellence. 

The small class of the rich and refined have time to cultivate the elegancies of life; and although, in the excess of their leisure, they superadded a variety of frivolous ceremonies, their example in what is practically useful should be followed. Wesley used to say, when advocating the adaptation of the music of the opera and theatre to the sacred songs of the Church, that he did not know why the devil should have all the best tunes. We may ask, with equal reason, why Fashion should have all the good manners, and elevation above others, and consequently refuse all observance of them with scorn. 

It would be easy to show that many ceremonious observances which appear at first sight frivolous are founded upon a solid basis of common sense. Consider, for example, that rule of the dinner-table, "Do not ask twice for soup," This appears at first sight both silly and arbitrary. It is, however, a very sensible ordinance, and is to be justified by the laws of health, and the general comfort and convenience. The soup, being a fluid substance, can easily be absorbed in small quantities, and, thus taken, is a good reason for ceremony, and preparative for the solidities of the dinner. 

If, however, the stomach is deluged with it, the appetite and digestion become weakened, and there is neither the inclination to eat nor the power to digest the more substantial food essential to the due nutrition of the body. As for the convenience or comfort of the single-plate rule, no one can deny it who has ever looked upon an array of hungry guests whose eager appetite for the coming roast has been forced to an impatient delay by some social monster capable of asking twice for soup. The cook in the meantime is, of course, thrown out in his calculations, and the dish, when it does come at last, is either spoiled by overcooking, or cold from being withdrawn so long from the fire. The guests thus are not only tried in temper by a protracted expectation, but balked of their anticipated enjoyment.

The advantage of not putting the knife in the mouth will be obvious, we suppose, to all who are conscious that the one can cut and the other is capable of being cut. There is an excellent chemical reason for that other table rule which forbids the use of a knife of steel with the fish, the ordinary sauces of which combine with the metal, and produce a composition neither wholesome nor appetizing.

A sampling from Bazaar's "Book of Decorum"

Soup Etiquette for Mustaches, Beards

"There is no worthier accomplishment for a man with a moustache than to take soup in an inoffensive manner… and by no means should the moustache be used to strain the soup." Cornelia Dobbs’ 1908 "Guide to Manners"

Example of a U.K. made, all silver moustache spoon, c 1880s ~ English author and poet, Rudyard Kipling once wrote of a woman who had complained that being kissed by a man who'd not wax his mustache was like "eating an egg without salt".

Throughout time, mustaches, or moustaches, if you will, have fallen in and out of fashion. In the 1800s, mustaches were worn by the most prominent of men, including several U.S. Presidents and other world leaders of the era.

Russian Tzar Nikolas II

                                                 

A few weeks before he was elected President, Lincoln received a letter from Grace Bedell, an 11-year-old girl from Westfield, New York, who urged him to grow a beard to help him get elected, to improve his appearance. In Lincoln's response of October 19, he gave no promises, but a month later allowed his beard to grow. By the time Lincoln left his Illinois home to start his inaugural journey to Washington, D.C., he wore a full beard. The trip took him by rail through New York state, stopping briefly in Westfield on February 16. Once at the train station, he called into the crowd for Grace. A small boy, mounted on a post, with his mouth and eyes both wide open, cried out, "there she is, Mr. Lincoln," pointing to a beautiful girl, with black eyes, who was blushing all over her fair face. The President left the car, and the crowd making way for him, he reached her, and gave her several hearty kisses, and amid the yells of delight from the excited crowd, he bade her good-bye. From news accounts of February 20, 1861

U.S. President Grover Cleveland

A British "Improved" Moustache Spoon, in 1879, by T.P. Lomas

Great Britain's King Edward VII

U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt

In the late 1800s and early 1900s, dining etiquette dictated that one have the correct utensils and other accoutrements at the dining table to be fashionable.  Men with food in their mustaches were not fashionable in the least, so spoons and guards were invented for them. 

Throughout time, mustaches, or moustaches, if you will, along with beards, have fallen in and out of fashion. In the 1800s, they were worn by the most prominent of men, including several U.S. Presidents and other world leaders of the era. In following "beard etiquette," don't trim your beard too closely to your face. Do not allow it to move wildly down your neck either. Find the style that suits you best by asking those who you are closest to and whose opinions you trust.
         

A beard softener patented in 1918 ~ "The beard should be carefully and frequently washed, well trimmed, and well combed, and the hair and whiskers kept scrupulously clean by the help of clean, stiff hair-brushes, and soap and warm water. The style of the beard should be adapted to the form of the face; but any affectation in the cut of the beard and whiskers is very objectionable, and augurs unmitigated vanity in the wearer. Long hair is never indulged in except by painters and fiddlers. The moustache should be worn neat, and not overlarge." From Frost's By-Laws of American Society

Though mustaches and beards have made comebacks over the years, everything for mustaches except for mustache cups, seemed to fall out of favor until the 1970s.  Still, the inventions to hold a man's mustache up while he ate or drank, and their explanations, or descriptions, never fail to amuse.

"The object of my invention is twofold this first, to provide a detachable and easily applied protector for the moustache in the shape of a tubular case, in which it may be enclosed, that's keeping the ends and tips out of the mouth while eating; second, to so construct the said protector as to render it useful when properly applied for the purpose of training the moustache in an upward direction towards the ears, thereby imparting to the face a gay and pleasant expression." Inventor, V. M. Law

Soup Etiquette

"Since I don't smoke, I decided to grow a mustache is better for the health." ~Salvador Dali

“Soup is the first course. All should accept it even if they let it remain untouched, because it is better to make a pretense of eating until the next course is served, than to sit waiting, or compel the servants to serve one before the rest. Soup should not be called for a second time. A soup-plate should never be tilted for the last spoonful.” John H. Young , “Our Deportment” 1879

“It is considered vulgar to take fish or soup twice. The reason for not being helped twice to fish or soup at a large dinner-party is, because by doing so you keep three parts of the company staring at you whilst waiting for the second course, which is spoiling, much to the annoyance of the mistress of the house. The selfish greediness, therefore, of so doing constitutes its vulgarity. At a family dinner it is of less importance, and is consequently often done.

"It will consequently be seen that the user of my adjuster may conveniently at mealtime drink tea or soup or other similar beverages without having his mustache dripping and looking very disgusting as it is very common with gentlemen burdened with excessive growth of hair on the upper lip." J.J. McCallum 

You will sip your soup as quietly as possible from the side of the spoon, and you, of course, will not commit the vulgarity of blowing in it, or trying to cool it, after it is in your mouth, by drawing in an unusual quantity of air, for by so doing you would be sure to annoy, if you did not turn the stomach of the lady or gentleman next to you. 

Be careful and do not touch either your knife or your fork until after you have finished eating your soup. Leave your spoon in your soup plate, that the servant may remove them.”Arthur Martine, from “Martine's Hand-book of Etiquette, and Guide to True Politeness” 1866

“Never blow your soup if it is too hot, but wait until it cools. Never raise your plate to your lips, but eat with your spoon.”

Cecil B. Hartley “The Gentlemen's Book of Etiquette and Manual of Politeness"

“In taking any liquid either from a spoon or drinking vessel, no noise must ever be made.” Emily Post, 1922

Reed and Barton reissued these left-handed and right-handed mustache spoons for men in the 1970s, when mustaches made a comeback.

“Push your soup spoon from the front of the bowl away from you to catch a mouthful. Bring this to your mouth and tip the soup in from the side of the spoon; don't try eating with your spoon at 90 degrees to your mouth. Don't suck or slurp. Tilt the bowl away from you in order to get the last few spoonfuls. Put your spoon down while you break off pieces of bread. Leave your spoon in the bowl, not on the side plate, when you have finished." Debrett's

The earliest U.S. patented mustache spoon ~ "The cover by covering the greater portion of the bowl what is being brought to the mouth, obviates all liability of spilling the soup, medicine, or other liquid, and furthermore, prevents the mustache, when such as worn by the person using the spoon, from coming in contact with and being soiled by the contents of the spoon, such contents being passed into the mouth through the space or opening at 'b', at the outer and or side portion of the bowl."

An 1879 Mustache "Cup and Glass" ~ "The cinema villain essentially needs a mustache so he can twiddle with it gleefully as he cooks up his next nasty plan."~ Mel Brooks

“Thick soup served in a soup dish is eaten with the soup spoon. If you want to get the last bit of it, there is no impropriety in tipping the dish away from you in order to collect it at the edge. Indeed you are paying a subtle compliment to your hostess by this demonstrating how good it is. Drink thin soups and bouillons served in cups, as you would tea or coffee, ;but if there are vegetables or noodles left in the bottom, eat them with the spoon, rather than struggle unattractively to make them slide from the cup into your mouth." Book of Common Sense Etiquette, 1962 

“The Handled Soup or Bouillon Cup. Soup or bouillon served in a handled cup or even in a small cup-size bowl (Oriental fashion) is drunk. If there are dumplings or decorative vegetables or other garnish floating on top, these may be lifted out first with the spoon before the soup is drunk. Noodles or other things which may be in the bottom of the cup are spooned up after the liquid has been drunk. How to hold cups. A handled cup is held with the index finger through the handle, the thumb just above it to support the grip, and the second finger below the handle for added security. The little finger should follow the curve of the other fingers and not be elevated affectedly. It is incorrect to cradle the cup in one's fingers if it has a handle. This is done only when the cup is of Oriental style without handles." Amy Vanderbilt

By far, the "Moustache Guard," shown above, is a personal favorite of ours ~ "To all whom it may concern: Be at known that I, Virgil A Gates, of Charleston in the County of Kanawha in the state of West Virginia, have invented a new and improved device for holding the mustache out of the way in eating or drinking, which is fully described in the following specification in which I call a 'Mustache Shield.' Every gentleman who wears a moustache must have experienced the great inconvenience it causes in eating and drinking, especially in eating soups and other kinds of food of similar consistency."

Above, an 1877 mustache cover for cups.  below, a traditional porcelain mustache cup with a sterling mustache comb.

Thanks to our contributors Demita Usher of “Social Graces and Savoir Faire,” Maura Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, and Antoinette of “Etiquette Facts”

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia Etiquette Encyclopedia