A 1920’s “Modern Etiquette” Sampling

Roberta Lee was a popular “Agony Aunt” who was syndicated in newspapers across the United States, answering random, but helpful, questions in her column, “Modern Etiquette” from the 1920’s through the 1960’s. Women at the time were often characterized as ditzy or flighty, like the popular comics’ page flirt, “Mopsy” (from the 1930’s through the 1960’s), and were not always taken seriously as journalists until the 1970’s and beyond.

“Modern Etiquette” of 1927 by Roberta Lee

Q. How should lobster claws be eaten?
A. They should be pulled apart and conveyed to the mouth by the fingers.

Q. Can one accept a second helping at the table if one wants it?
A. Yes, unless doing so makes the others wait.

Q. Are napkin rings still used?
A. No; they are out of date, except in the nursery.

Q. What rule governs the form of introduction?
A. It should be cordial and simple, but never careless or offhand.

Q. Is it proper for children to be introduced to adults?
A. Yes: children should be taught the significance of formal introductions.

Q. Is it bad taste to be demonstrative in public?
A. Very; well-bred people will avoid it.

Q. What are two subjects that always should be avoided in general conversation?
A. Religion and politics.

Q. In what way can a business man or woman get rid of a tiresome caller?
A. By rising, or by pleading a pressing business engagement.

Q. If a man finds himself by chance next to a woman of his acquaintance in the street car, should he offer to pay her fare? 
A. No.

Q. After attending the theater with a man, is it necessary for the woman to thank him for a pleasant evening?
A. No, unless he has in some way inconvenienced himself to be with her.

Q. If her next dance is promised, should the woman go to seek her partner?
A. No, she should wait until he comes to claim her.

Q. Should ushers at a wedding be friends of the bridegroom or of the bride?

A. The ushers are chosen from among the friends and relatives of either the bride or the groom.

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for 2025, from 1938

“What does it indicate when a young man talks continuously about himself, his accomplishments, his business success, and his experiences? It indicates that he is very vain and conceited. This type of young man is soon considered a bore, and seldom has but few friends, if any.”  – This applies equally to vain and conceited young women, as well!

Modern Etiquette

Q. Is it good manners for a guest to comment on the food served in a friend’s home?
A. Yes, provided she can say how delicious it is, or praise some particular dish that she knows her hostess takes pride in. It is of course very rude for a guest to say, “I have never cared for salads,” or, “I do not like lemon pie.”

Q. What does it indicate when a young man talks continuously about himself, his accomplishments, his business success, and his experiences?
A. It indicates that he is very vain and conceited. This type of young man is soon considered a bore, and seldom has but few friends, if any.

Q. How does a caller dispose of wraps?
A. A woman retains her wrap, hat and gloves: a man leaves his overcoat, hat and gloves in the hall.

– By Roberta Lee, Calexico Chronicle, 1938

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Modern Manners Q&A of 1931

Some rules of manners are “modern” but most are in style during every era… “What is an inexorable rule at formal dinners? Talk to those sitting next to you, never across the table.”

1931’s “Modern Etiquette”

Q. May a hostess ever invite a woman to any social function, without her husband? 

A. Yes; an invitation to the husband is not obligatory.
 

Q. What is the old belief concerning the custom of the bride's throwing her bouquet to the bridesmaids? 

A. That the one catching it will be the first to be married.

 

Q. When in boxes at the theatre or opera, where does the host generally sit? 

A. Directly behind his wife.

 

Q. To what two rooms are the butler's duties confined?

A. The dining room and the drawing room.

 

Q. What is an inexorable rule at formal dinners?   

A. Talk to those sitting next to you, never across the table.

 

Q. If you get in someone's way, or have seemed to be discourteous, what should you do?

A. Be ready with a polite "I'm sorry," or "I beg your pardon."– By Roberta Lee, Tulare Daily Times, 1931

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Water Glass Etiquette Advice 1930’s

From the left: the dinner napkin, the dinner fork, the service plate. The service plate would be removed, when the main-course is served, as there is no first course with this menu. On the right: the dinner knife. The water goblet is placed above the knife, and the white wine glass is placed slightly forward and to the right. The dessert fork and fruit knife are placed above the setting. The dessert flatware could also be brought in on the dessert plate. –Image source St. Andrew’s Dining Society, 1990

 

Q. When setting the dinner table, where should the water glass and the wine glass be placed?
A. Place the water glass at the top of the plate, towards the right of the knives, the wine glass to the right and beyond the water glass.

Q. When filling the water in glasses at the dinner table, how much water should be poured in each glass?
A. The glass should be two-thirds full, never more. 

Q. When a dinner guest overturns a glass or cup, what should he do?
A. If water, soup or coffee is spilled, the guest makes brief, low-voiced apologies to his hostess. The guest should not be too profuse in his apologies, as this is very bad taste.

Q. How should one use the dinner napkin?
A. The napkin should be used to wipe the mouth before using the waterglass; this will prevent smearing the glass. It is also used to dry the fingers, particularly after using the finger bowl.  

Q. When a maid is refilling a water glass at the table, should she pick up the glass while pouring the water ?
A. No. She should be skillful enough to fill the glass where it stands, without touching it. – By Roberta Lee in “Modern Etiquette.”, 1930’s

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

1930’s Etiquette and the Sexes

Q. When a man is being introduced to a girl, is it proper for him to offer his hand? 
A. No; he should wait for the girl to offer her hand, if she cares to do so. That is her privilege.

Q. When a man and a girl meet often, but have never been introduced, is it all right for the girl to speak ?
A. Yes, if she is much interested and is courageous enough to run the risk of an undesirable acquaintance.

Q. When a man is being introduced to a girl, is it proper for him to offer his hand?
A. No; he should wait for the girl to offer her hand, if she cares to do so. That is her privilege.

Q. What should a girl do when a young man calls in the evening and doesn't seem to knew when to go?
A. Allowing long lapses in the conversation is sometimes an effective method. If this doesn't work, it seems that a suppressed yawn or two would be justified.  

Q. What does it indicate when a man. in conversation, is constantly talking: about himself, his adventures and experiences ? A. It is a sure indication of ill-breeding, and such a man can never become popular.

Q. Is it ever proper for the parents of a girl’s fiance to announce the engagement.
A. No; this is the privilege of the girls parents only.

Q. Is it sufficient for a bride and bridegroom to thank their friends verbally for wedding gifts.
A. No; a personal letter of thanks should be written by the bride for each gift.

Q. Is it necessary to write the prefix “Mr.” when “Jr.” is used after a man’s name?
A. Yes, both Mr. and Jr. must be used. – Roberta Lee’s “Modern Etiquette,” 1930’s

 

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Eating Artichokes

Artichoke Etiquette: Q. —How should artichokes be eaten? A.—When sauce is served, pluck a leaf of artichoke at a time, holding the pointed tip in the fingers, dipping the other end in the sauce. After eating the tender part, the fibrous tip should be laid on the plate. – By Roberta Lee, 1938

Artichokes are Stars at Dinnertime

We're all for impressing guests when the impulse results in a superb meal. What matter the motive, if the food be utterly enjoyable? So go to it, you social seekers. Offer your next dinner guests a first course of artichokes. This is one vegetable that lives up to its promise it looks and tastes elegant after it is cooked. If this first course is to be served around the dining table, plan on serving a whole artichoke for each portion. If you serve the first course in the living room with before-dinner drinks, as we sometimes do, halve the artichokes and remove the chokes. Small Chinese or Japanese teacups, without handles, are perfect for holding the dip that accompanies this hors d'oeuvres. This dipping sauce may be Hollandaise or Vinaigrette. Artichoke-eating etiquette demands, that the leaves be pulled out one at a time, their base be dipped in the sauce, and then the fleshy part be scraped off between the teeth. When the heart is reached, it's cut wilh a fork and dipped before downing. –By Cecily Brownstone, AP, 1960

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Retro 1950’s Etiquette Points

Do it this way.... Not the other!

Points for Parents and Retro "Modern Etiquette" from 1952

From Edyth Thomas Wallace 

and Roberta Lee

A small child's rudeness may be due to his ignorance of a more acceptable way of expressing himself.

Mother: "I'll slap your mouth every time you say such things as ‘shut up' to me. You are a bad boy to talk that way to your mother.” 

Mother:  "Instead of saying, ‘shut up, I’m talking,’ the polite thing to say is,‘Please don't interrupt me,' Now you say it the nice way."

Q.  Is it proper for women to shake hands with each other when being introduced? 

A. Women may, or may not, shake hands with each other, as they prefer, unless the one who is about to offer her hand is certain that it will be agreeable, she will do well not to be too hasty about making this advance. 

Q. If individual salt and pepper shakers are not used on the dinner table, how many should be provided? 

A. Salt and pepper shaker should be placed between every two covers. 

Q. When a girl is introducing the man she is to marry, should she speak of him as her fiancé?

A. Yes.

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

More Retro Etiquette Advice

"Make sure you don't miss a spot dear. Have I told you how handsome you look in that apron?"

More Mid-20th Century 

"Modern Etiquette"

By Advice Columnist, Roberta Lee

From 1952

Q. Is it proper for the bride-groom's family to send announcements of the marriage to their own friends when the bride's family is not sending any? 
A. The bridegroom's family may properly notify their own friends by telephoning the society editors of the newspapers, as well as by writing personal letters to their relatives. But it would be questionable taste should they mail out engraved announcements. 

Q. Is it considered good manners for a man to examine the items on his check when dining with a girl in a restaurant? 
A. This is perfectly all right. But he should do so in a casual and unobtrusive manner. 

Q. When calling on a friend who is ill and one is not permitted to see him, is it proper to write a short message on one’s card? 
A. Yes. This is a very nice thing to do.


From 1962

Q. Is it considered good manners to enter someone’s home with a lighted cigarette in one's hand? 
A. No. 

Q. When a wedding gift is given to a bridegroom by his fellow workers in an office, should he thank them, or should his bride (who does not know them) thank them? 
A. He should thank them. 

Q. Will you please comment on the art of correct handshaking in general? 
A. In addition to the much-frowned-upon limp, flabby handshake, try to avoid the bone-crushing type, which is painful if the other person is wearing a ring; the pump-handle technique; and the refusal-to-let-go technique, which is usually reserved for women and is supposed to indicate great ardor. A good handshake is at elbow level, and is firm but brief.

From 1963

Q. Is the black-bordered type of mourning stationery still in good use? 
A. This has not been in “popular” usage for many years. If, however, you still feel that you'd like to use it, your paper should be white with a narrow black border ranging from 1\4 to 1/32 of an inch in width. 

Q. When attending a buffet dinner, is it permissible for a guest to revisit the serving table for a second helping? 
A. This is perfectly proper and expected. The big rule to remember is never to take more than you are sure you can eat. It would be very poor manners to heap your plate with food, and then leave half of it uneaten. 

From 1965

Q. Is it possible to correct someone's grammar without being impolite ? 
A. No one likes to be corrected in group conversation, and efforts at improvement of grammar and diction had better be reserved for members of one's family or friends who you are SURE will consider them as favors, and not insults.

Q. Is it all right to eat bananas with the fingers when at the table? 
A. No; they should be skinned on the dessert plate, then cut and eaten with the fork. —From The Madera Tribune

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Mid-20th C. Etiquette Advice

Question... Due to the fact that I was working during the day and very busy at night getting our new home in order, I was unable to acknowledge all of our wedding gifts. Is it all right to write "thank you” notes now, six months after the wedding? 

Mid-20th Century “Modern Etiquette”

By Advice Columnist, Roberta Lee

From 1941

Q. When a bride is to be married in a traveling suit, what should the bridegroom wear?
A: A business suit.

Q. What is the best way to ask a girl for a dance?
A. "May I have the next dance?"

Q: May one use a lead pencil for writing a social or business letter
A. Not unless one is ill and writing the letter in bed.

From 1951

Q. Is it considered good manners to supply a word which seems to elude another person who is speaking? 

A. It is perhaps a friendly service if the speaker is a foreigner—but it most certainly should never be done with a countryman. 

Q. When a woman has been introduced to you as “Alice Young,” how do you know whether to address her as Mrs. Young or Miss Young? 

A. The only thing to do is to ask her, unless there is someone else nearby whom you can ask.

From 1953

Q. Is it all right for a hostess to mail invitations to a cocktail party on her calling cards? 

A. Yes; on the lower lefthand side, opposite the address may be written: "Saturday, July eighteenth, Cocktails at five o’clock." 

Q. Is it bad manners to eat candy or popcorn in a theater? 

A. Society used to frown upon this practice. However, today’s motion picture theater is just about as much in the popcorn and candy business as in its presentation of films, and the practice is now condoned. Eat as noiselessly and unobtrusively as possible. 

Q. When one is to have a small wedding in the minister's home, is it all right to send out wedding announcements? 
A. Yes.

From 1955

Q. Should the hostess lead the way to the table at a luncheon, or usher her guests into the room and then follow them? 

A. The hostess should lead the way, and then designate the proper seating arrangement. 

Q. Is it proper to write an anonymous letter of protest or criticism to a newspaper or to a columnist. 

A. This is not only considered ill-bred, but it is a cowardly thing to do. One should always have enough courage in one’s convictions to sign the letter. 

Q. Is it proper for a married woman to send a gift in her name only to a bride? A. No; she should always include her husband’s name. 

Q. What kind of decoration should be used for the breakfast party table? 

A. A bowl of fruit is customary, although flowers may be used too. 

Q. Is it now considered good manners to use a toothpick at the table? Lately I have seen this done by people of apparent refinement. 

A. The rules remain unchanged. Toothpicks should never be seen in use, at the table or anywhere else. 

Q. In what manner should friends be invited to a christening? 

A. By telephone or informal note.

From 1956

Q. Where do the relatives of the deceased sit during the funeral service at the church? 

A. The relatives occupy the front pews on the right of the center aisle. 

Q. When one’s partner has unwittingly given information about his hand during the progress of a bridge game, what should one do? 
A. Disregard it. Under no circumstances should one take advantage of such information, as this would not onty be bad manners, but poor sportsmanship. 

Q. Due to the fact that I was working during the day and very busy at night getting our new home in order, I was unable to acknowledge all of our wedding gifts. Is it all right to write "thank you” notes now, six months after the wedding? 

A. Thanks at this time are better than no thanks at all. And it would be nice to state the reason for the delay. —From The Madera Tribune

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia