Gilded Age Etiquette of Ideal Bachelors

Dressing is not so much a matter of money as a matter of taste. After a man has put his wardrobe in proper condition he may get along remarkably well on a very small yearly sum. Our author does not disdain to give economical hints, to tell how the tailor around the corner will do perfectly well some things for which the “swell” tailor would charge roundly, to explain how to get out of a suit the utmost possible service. Such things are beneath no man’s attention, though he be a genius or a millionaire. – Jordan Donica plays the dapper, “Complete Bachelor” and Gentleman, Dr. William Kirkland, who wins Peggy Scott’s heart (played winningly by Denée Benton), in HBO’s “The Gilded Age”

A Writer Who Undertakes To Tell All About Him

How He Must Dress and the Rules of Conduct He Must Observe to Be Classed as “Complete Bachelor"  

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His Manner With Ladies and Servants

There are those who would say that a bachelor has no business to be complete; that it is the duty of every young man to marry at the earliest practicable moment and so give over the selfish joys of bachelorhood. But as long as young men in their lamentable desire to be comfortable refuse to look at the matter in that light there is need that they should be duly instructed in the properties of their position, and what better instructor could they have than the anonymous genius who writes of things, “As Seen by Him,” in that very fashionable publication, Vogue? It is he who tells them what “the complete bachelor should be,” and if they are wise they will listen to his words. 

All the contingencies which arise in the social life of the bachelor are duly considered. First, there is the matter of his public manners, in which many men who regard themselves as well bred are woefully deficient. They will smoke in the street, keep women standing on corners while they talk to them, sit while women are standing, carry sticks or umbrellas at offensive angles, stare women out of countenance at theaters or hotels, and in general, make nuisances of themselves. Now, a bachelor who will do any of these things is wretchedly incomplete.

Then comes the question of clothes. Nothing more distinguishes the gentleman than what he wears. Nor is it enough, as many do, to be nice in the matter of gloves, shoes or cravats and owe large sums to the tailor. Dressing is not so much a matter of money as a matter of taste. After a man has put his wardrobe in proper condition he may get along remarkably well on a very small yearly sum. Our author does not disdain to give economical hints, to tell how the tailor around the corner will do perfectly well some things for which the “swell” tailor would charge roundly, to explain how to get out of a suit the utmost possible service. Such things are beneath no man’s attention, though he be a genius or a millionaire.

Until the art of dressing properly is understood, the moral progress of society will remain an idle dream. We need not add that the man who wears a “made tie” belongs in the outer darkness of barbarism. It is gratifying also to note that the use of the Tuxedo, or house coat, is earnestly recommended. Since every complete bachelor will invariably dress for dinner, he will find in the Tuxedo an economical and easy substitute for the more rigorous full dress coat, and one that can be worn not only at home, but in informal companies of gentlemen and at the theater or in a public restaurant. We note that our author speaks a good word for the black tie with a Tuxedo, though he does not absolutely bar a white one. This is a question upon which no thoroughly satisfactory ruling has ever been made. For our own part, we think that those occasions whereon a man feels a white tie incumbent also demand a “swallow tail” coat.

The toilet is not less important than the dress. Scrupulous care in this respect is certainly the mark of a complete bachelor. That a man should take his tub every morning goes without saying. At the same time there is no need to insist upon the rigor of the game and say that the water shall be cold. Tepid water is best. “Every man should learn to shave himself.” These are golden words. A barber is occasionally necessary no doubt, but there is something offensive to refined sensibilities in the picture of a long row of men in chairs having a part of their toilet performed. 

Our author says nothing of the habit of having boots blacked in the street, justly regarding it as one so bad as to be unspeakable. Patent tooth powders, washes, pomatums and nostrums of every kind are condemned without reserve. This, too, shows good sense. The care of toilet articles is rightly insisted upon. A man cannot be a complete bachelor unless he is willing to take some trouble. The custom of wearing the hair long is disapproved.

No point is too minute for the consideration of this thoughtful writer. The etiquette of cards is a matter upon which lamentable ignorance is often displayed, and in calling and dining out there are those who show the lack of breeding. The practice of grasping or squeezing the hand of a lady is (barring exceptional circumstances) unadvisable. “A man removes his glove from his right hand on entering the drawing room, and holds this, with his stick and hat, in his left. The hat should be at an angle, the top about level with his nose.” This is important. But something more than mere politeness is required of the complete bachelor. His goodness of heart will come out in his treatment of his servants. Though he must “exercise an iron will,” he must also “encourage them now and then by a kind word.” And once in a while they must have a holiday or some cast off clothing. 

They, in their turn, should be “noiseless and automatic.” Such things too many young men forget. With this book, however, they cannot go very far astray. They can learn how to behave at dances and at country houses and at clubs. If it be objected that on those subjects gentlemen do not need instruction, the retort is obvious. Persons who are not gentlemen have their ambitions and frequently try to become complote bachelors. And since this is so, let us be grateful for the mentor who is able to give them so much excellent advice.  – Providence Journal, 1897

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia