Wednesday, November 19, 2025

Diplomatic and Forgiveness Tea

Ordinarily sensible men, of hearty honesty, would have each said for himself “I forgive and hope to be forgiven for errors in this matter,” and they would have shaken hands upon it, and if any body felt interest enough to enquire about, both would have acknowledged to the reconciliation. – Public domain image of General Butler, who later became the Governor of Massachusetts

Three Years After Civil War, General Grant and General Butler have become reconciled –
An invitation to tea has naturally followed.

General Grant, who in his famous report of military proceedings before Petersburg, spoke of Butler as being bottled up at Bermudas Hundreds, and who by that report sends Butler down through history to the latest posterity as a “Bottled Hero,” kindly said that he did not know of his own knowledge whereof he so solemnly reported, and Butler regards that as taking back the offensive report. This being so satisfactorily settled there was a little difficulty about an invitation to tea, which these two great minds had to deliberate upon. 

George Wilkes, editor of the Spirit of the Times, was mediator, intercessor and diplomat all through. The Bottled Up question did not trouble him much, for Grant readily acknowledged that he spoke in his report in a Pickwickian sense, and then too, outside of what he himself knew. Butler could want no more than this - unless he might desire a few more spoons and so Wilkes had the thing fixed. The tea party question presented more difficulties. 

Grant had invited Butler to tea, which in view of the fact that Grant's spoons are pure silver, showed great bravery on the part of Grant. Butler replied in an insulting note because Grant had reported him as a bottled up warrior. The diplomacy of George Wilkes was put up to the straining point to settle this, and divers letters and interviews had to be sent and to take place, to get the adjustment even started. But in time all was settled. 

The impeachment trial was pending when this understanding took place. It would not do, however, to let the public know of the reconciliation at that time, for as Grant might be a witness (why was he not?) a point could be gained by Butler defending a supposed personal enemy from a sharp cross examination. Grant being on the stand as a witness and testifying in answer to questions put by Butler, a personal enemy, would effect more than if answered to Butler the reconciled friend. This was the tricky part of the transaction. 

Ordinarily sensible men, of hearty honesty, would have each said for himself “I forgive and hope to be forgiven for errors in this matter,” and they would have shaken hands upon it, and if any body felt interest enough to enquire about, both would have acknowledged to the reconciliation. 

But sharp George Wilkes made himself a hero by having the secret kept. He was the man who knew all about it, but whose lips were sealed in order to help depose Andrew Johnson. The reconciliation was immense, and great is Wilkes. We have heard of a tempest in a teapot, but such wonderful negotiations to settle the etiquette of an invitation to tea never before astonished the world. Long. live Wilkes the great pacificator.– The Morning Union, 1868


 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

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