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| It seems reasonable that a host or hostess, upon observing that a guest sits through course after course without touching his wine, should reflect that a mention of the subject would very likely produce embarrassment. It is a rule of good society that no word should be uttered therein which may produce embarrassment. |
The Etiquette of Wine Drinking, as Applied to Abstainers and Their Entertainers
In these days of dinner giving and of the very usual serving of wine upon the tables of the rich and well to do, the conscientious abstainer finds it difficult as ever to do his duty. He is often the guest of men and women whom he feels to be in many respects far better than himself, and yet they serve wine, which his sense of right will not allow him to drink. Of course he allows the servant to fill his glass. If toasts are offered he lifts his glass to his lips. Of course also he says nothing to any one unless compelled to do so regarding his feelings in the matter.
There is an equally plain code, it would seem, for the host and hostess of such a guest, but from the fact that it is seldom observed it may not perhaps be quite so obvious as at first it appears. It seems reasonable that a host or hostess, upon observing that a guest sits through course after course without touching his wine, should reflect that a mention of the subject would very likely produce embarrassment. It is a rule of good society that no word should be uttered therein which may produce embarrassment. The guest presumably does not care to admit to one at whose table he is sitting, and whom he sees partaking of wine and pressing it upon others, that he does not think it right to enjoy that beverage. Only a pharisee of the pharisees could relish such a course as that.
If attention, therefore, is called to his abstinence he can only, as thousands have done before him, make some pretext to cover his eccentricity. He can say, “Wine does not agree with me,” or “Wine affects my head,” or his nerves or digestion or something of that sort, some one of which must be true. If pushed further he must of course admit that his conscience supplies his chief reason, thus indirectly condemning his host and hostess, and very likely every other guest at the table.
Upon stating the case in this plain way the breach of propriety committed by those who question a guest concerning his reasons for refusing to drink wine becomes glaringly evident. Yet this is done constantly by otherwise well bred people. A host and hostess. should never seem to observe that a guest does not drink his wine. He has manifested his good opinion of them, in a general way, by appearing at their table. They should not drive him to emphasize, in such a place, whatever differences there may be between them.
A lady was once entertaining at luncheon a woman whom she had supposed to be a lady also, and whom, although a stranger, she had called upon and invited to her table out of regard for the mutual friend for whom the party was given. No wine was served with this luncheon. One of the ladies present, a warm prohibitionist, injudiciously remarked upon the fact. The stranger took up the subject with unnecessary energy and calmly declared amid the silence of the astonished company that she was rendered very uncomfortable by being obliged to take a meal without wine.
The hostess, unable to endure the reflection that a partaker at her table should be afflicted with the pangs of in digestion in consequence, managed to linger with her strange guest for a few moments after the rest and ordered brought for her a glass of peptonized sherry, the only drink of the kind which the house contained, and which she condescendingly drank. – Kate Upson Clark, 1893
🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia
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