Etiquette and the Lady of Charm

She may be high in the sky, but not “high society.” The terms “high class” and “high society” are two terms that should be stricken from good social conversation, for they mean absolutely nothing of any value. Class divisions are frowned upon in most civilized societies and etiquette authorities like Judith Martin (aka Miss Manners), the late-Amy Vanderbilt, and the late-Letitia Baldrige, all recommended these terms not be used if one wishes to appear well-educated and correct in their conversational etiquette.
However, a new batch of online “influencers,” or people who believe they wield influence upon others, continue to use these incorrect terms, along with the more nuanced “elevated looks” or “elegance coaching” in an effort to pad their pockets and handbags. If you are a regular reader of Etiquipedia, please do your research and leave the lofty sounding, yet ridiculous and pretentious terminology to those who are influenced and sold more easily. There are plenty of those people around.

LADY OF CHARM

Jet Age Etiquette ... Isn't “High Society”

HOLLYWOOD– The jet age has brought many changes to our lives – one of the most interesting is the change in etiquette. And keeping up with jet age etiquette often separates the girls from the ladies!

From the questions my students ask, I feel certain many women still feel being a lady means you come from a wealthy family, have a good social position and generally are part of “high society.” Nothing could be less true.

Being a lady means you are always considerate of those around you and try to make them comfortable in any situation. These principles, of course, are the basis of good manners now in Southern California and around the world.

The first step in learning how to express your consideration and interest in others is to invest in a good up-to- the-minute etiquette book. There are many in any book store (we use Amy Vanderbilt's Complete Book of Etiquette at my school).

DON'T TRY to read an etiquette book cover-to-cover in one sitting. Leaf through and become familiar with its contents and keep it to consult whenever you are in doubt about what's right.

Here are a few quick etiquette tips to keep in mind: When you receive an invitation always respond in like fashion. In other words, if you receive a formal, printed invitation to a wedding you should reply with a formal handwritten note. (Check your etiquette book for style.)

IF YOU ARE invited to dine with friends during telephone conversation reply with a phone call. Also, if an invitation, say to a shower, gives only a phone number for reply then the right thing to do is call. If an address is given then write whether you'll attend or not.

It is still in the best of taste for a gentleman to open all doors including car doors, hold lady's chair, help her off with her wrap, and give her order to a waiter.

I CAN JUST hear you say, “tell that to the men.” I have. They say the modern woman doesn't give them a chance to be gallant. She hops out of a car before he has time to walk around, she rushes through doors, etc…

I think men have a good point. If you feel foolish waiting for your escort to walk around the car look through your purse or powder your nose. Remember, you must encourage men to be gentlemen. And please show some appreciation for their efforts. Always thank a man for his courtesies. If you act like a lady you'll be treated as one.

Good manners speak loud and clear. They tell of your rearing and of your interest in making this world a more gracious place to live. Make sure your manners tell the right things about you. – By Caroline Leonetti, 1963

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia