In many houses, between 4 and 5 o'clock in the afternoon, a cup of tea is always offered to visitors. The maid either brings in a tray containing a small teapot, a silver pitcher of hot water— in case the tea is too strong— a small pitcher of milk or cream, or a little dish of sliced lemon and plate of cakes, or tiny three-cornered bread-and-butter sandwiches; or, if there is a tea table in the corner of the room, the lady herself makes the tea for her guests; but the former method is now deemed the smarter. Except occasionally, on a reception or at home day, it is no longer considered good form to have a tea table in the drawing room.
Who Makes the First Call?
When people settle in a small city or town, or in the country. It is courteous for the residents of the place to make the first call: upon the newcomers, which must, of course, be promptly returned. Even if some of these acquaintances, are not desired, really well-bred people always return first calls within a few weeks, allowing, if they so choose, all subsequent calls to be unreturned by them. And so the acquaintance can generally lapse without the cut direct and the bitter feeling that would undoubtedly be caused by the failure to return the first visit of a neighbor.
In lax cities, the population is so dense that for obvious reasons people do not call upon their neighbors unless they have obtained introductions and have been invited to do so. In New York or Chicago, one's circle of friends is scattered all over town, and the residents of the same block, though they may live side by side for years, generally remain entire strangers to each other. In England, however, and even in diplomatic circles in Washington, the reverse is the custom, and the stranger calls first on the residents of the place without waiting for friends and acquaintances to make the first visits, as is the usual American custom.
I once knew two charming women, one a Canadian and the other an American, who were at loggerheads for no other reason than that neither one would be the first to break this law of etiquette of her respective country. They had met perviously at a watering place and were mutually attracted to one another when the next summer, the American went to stay at a hotel in the home city of the Canadian. Now, each knew perfectly well the whereabouts of the other and longed to continue the acquaintance, but the American would not call first on Lady M___ because, as she said, it was Lady M___'s place to call first upon her. That was American etiquette, and Lady M___ knew it. And Lady M__ on her side, would make no move.
Mrs. R___ should, she declared, make the first visit. English etiquette demanded it, and Mrs. R___ was not ignorant; she had visited in Canada, and had even been to England; and she knew all about it. And so matters remained for one entire summer; neither would give in because each was firmly convinced that the very letter and not the spirit of the law of etiquette of her respective country was the only thing worthy of her consideration. It is not necessary to say that such a state of things is supremely ridiculous. A little less stubbornness and more common sense would have convinced the American that the really well-bred woman invariably follows, so far as she can consistently do so, the customs of the country in which she chances to be.– Eleanor B. Clapp, 1905
Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia
