An Etiquette New Year’s Resolution

“All too often written thank you notes are overlooked when they should be second nature to us. Busy schedules and "relaxed" standards are usually blamed. Unfortunately, lack of knowledge and undeveloped social skills to make people feel appreciated is the real culprit. Life for many of us has become so hectic we feel we can cut back on certain things and still acquire or retain the quality of life we want to have. However, a handwritten or even typed (if for professional purposes) note or letter will help retain bonds of friendship, professional ties necessary for profitable businesses, and a reputation for not taking others for granted that can undoubtedly improve the quality of anyone's life.” –Etiquipedia Site Editor and Director of the RSVP Institute, Maura J. Graber, 1991

Resolved: Write Notes of Thanks 

Before the year gets a day older, Christmas thank-you notes ought to be written. But cheer up, the experts say they may be brief.

Take up the quill, they admonish, and try to recapture that pleasurable moment when the tissue paper fell aside to reveal the marble cigarette box, the toaster or the cashmere sweater.

The greatest pleasure of Christmas, to most of us, is viewing someone'’s delight over the gift we have selected. This is the spirit that should govern the thank-you’s to those who could not be there.

The stationery selected for the occasion may be your usual correspondence paper, personals or a card in the form of a personal with “Thank You” *(or other suitable sayings) on the front flap with space inside for a message. Etiquette experts decry the use of a printed card requiring only a signature.

A quick look at the stock available in the shops shows that the strict “thank-you” notes come in many varieties. Colorful lettering, interesting script styles and handsome striped: backgrounds are included.– From The New York Times, 1957

✍️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for the June Bride

Don't fail to write your own notes. The habit some girls have of shifting this responsibility to their bridesmaids is rude, and gives rise to many ridiculous blunders. Don't make your notes perfunctory and stereotyped. A bride often makes a bad impression by her wedding notes to strangers, that it takes years to efface. Be grateful without being gushing. Don't gage your gratitude by the value of the gift sent. Nothing more quickly shows lack of breeding. Besides, it is stupid, as you can never tell when your friends will compare your notes. 

Mrs. Edsel B. Ford's bridal party, 1916 —Photo source, Pinterest  

Here are some Don’ts for the June Bride:

• Don't fail to have an open air wedding if your grounds permit. This is the one month of the year for that loveliest of wedding ceremonies. 
• Don't be terrified lest your outdoor ceremony will be ruined by rain. Have all your arrangements made to be married indoors; you will probably break the hoodoo of the unprepared and draw sunshine.
• Don't get a more elaborate trousseau than you need. Better hold over part of your money and get your handsomest frocks in the Fall, when you will need them more.
• Don't be a procrastinator in ordering your trousseau Last minute fittings do not make for a beauteous bride, particularly on hot June days.
• Don't spend a fortune in decorations— if you cannot afford it Nothing is lovelier than the June garden flowers at a wedding, and your girl friends should have taste enough to arrange them artistically. 
• Don't invite more than your house— in case of rain— or your church can accommodate comfortably. A “jam” on a hot June day is torment.
• Don't lack a system in receiving and answering your wedding presents. See that your name and address of the sender, also the place where the gift is bought, is marked in an alphabeted book, as each package is opened. Check off each name as soon as a note of thanks is written.
• Don't use your calling card for your “thank you” notes. It is wretched form. A wedding gift demands a gracious and grateful answer in the first person.
• Don't fail to write your own notes. The habit some girls have of shifting this responsibility to their bridesmaids is rude, and gives rise to many ridiculous blunders.
• Don't make your notes perfunctory and stereotyped. A bride often makes a bad impression by her wedding notes to strangers, that it takes years to efface. Be grateful without being gushing. 
• Don't gage your gratitude by the value of the gift sent. Nothing more quickly shows lack of breeding. Besides, it is stupid, as you can never tell when your friends will compare your notes. 
• Don't fail to mention the name of your fiancé in writing your notes of thanks. The gifts are sent to you both, though they belong to the bride. 
• Don't exhaust yourself note-writing. Keep up your notes as well as you can, by daily writing, but stop for at least 2 days before the wedding. Moderate delays are excusable; long delays the height of rudeness.
• Don't write wedding notes on shabby paper or hotel paper. Have correspondence cards or fine linen paper, with your monogram, preferably. 
• Don't be guilty of the execrable form of criticizing wedding gifts. think what you please, but please keep your comments unsaid. Don't cut loose, even to your dearest confidant — she'll think none the better of you and may tell.
• Don't stint on rest in the last days before the wedding. Let the family work, if you will not go in for simplicity. It's a bride’s privilege to look fresh and as beautiful as you can. When overtired it is bound to show. 
• Don't go into matrimony thoughtlessly. If you have doubts, even at the last minute that he is not the right man, better risk talk and break off the match. The notoriety and disappointment are bad, but not half so bad as a lifetime of unhappiness.
• Don't expect the impossible in a husband. Remember, you are marrying a man, not a hero in a novel. If he has faults, is not up to your ideal, he is doubtless thinking the same of you. Love much and learn to make allowances, if you would avoid unhappiness. Your married life may not be that of your dreams, but it should be something far deeper and sweeter. — The New York Times, 1912

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia