Wedding Etiquette for Invites, Attire

Some brides do invite the officiating clergyman and his wife to the reception, if they are socially acquainted and congenial; however, more often, I believe this is not done. Neither the officiating clergymen nor his wife should attend unless specifically invited.

Going Uninvited to a Wedding & Men’s Wedding Attire

Question: “Is a minister’s wife expected to attend the wedding of a member of her husband’s congregation when her husband has been asked to perform the ceremony and she has received no formal invitation?”

Answer: She should not attend unless formally invited. Some brides do invite the officiating clergyman and his wife to the reception, if they are socially acquainted and congenial; however, more often, I believe this is not done. Neither the officiating clergymen nor his wife should attend unless specifically invited.

At home weddings, the clergyman should definitely be asked to remain and share the refreshments, even though no invitation was sent to him and his wife and whether he was, until that time, a stranger to the bride and her parents.

A formal invitation should not be sent to the clergyman unless his wife’s name is included. In fact, no invitation should be sent to a man unless his wife’s name is included and vice versa. This is correct even when the bride and groom know only the husband or the wife. To omit either a husband’s or a wife’s name from a wedding invitation is a grave broach of etiquette. If you feel odd about inviting someone you have never met, ‘tis better to omit both.

Question: May the bridegroom, best man and ushers wear tuxedos at a simple wedding ceremony taking place at 7 or 7:30 in the evening? The bride plans to wear a bridal gown and veil.

Answer: Surely, you may wear dinner jackets (tuxedos), especially if the bride will wear a dinner dress or even if she wears a wedding dress and veil made along simple lines. A formal evening wedding requires formal evening clothes – swallow-tail coat, etc… – Good Taste By Francine Markel, 1945

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