Gilded Age Calling Etiquette

 As strict as the etiquette of calling was, an even stricter set of etiquette was in place for calling cards. “When a call is made on the hostess’ “day at home” no card is sent in. In leaving the caller puts on the hall tray her card and one of her husband's for the hostess and each gentleman in the house.” –Image source, Etiquipedia private library

If a lady driving with a friend stops to pay visits en route, she will not take her friend into the house where she goes to call unless she is a young lady not paying calls on her own responsibility, or unless there is some special reason for making her and the hostess acquainted. Husbands do not often accompany their wives in calling, though there is no reason why they should not do so if they feel inclined.

Sunday calling has an etiquette of its own. It is not at all correct to pay ceremonious visits on that day and first calls should never be made. Intimate friends constantly call on Sunday, when the hours are from 3 to 6. But for a mere acquaintance to call on Sunday would be nothing short of a liberty and would properly be looked on as such, unless he or she had been specially invited to do so.

If a lady should be dressing to go out or expecting the carriage to take her somewhere where she has an engagement the servant should mention the fact to callers. If their desire to see her, even for a moment or two, is very great they may come in for a short call on hearing such an intimation, but should leave as soon as possible. It is, however, more considerate not to enter under such circumstances. but merely to leave cards.

It sometimes happens that a lady is acquainted only with the daughters of the house and not with their mother. In that case her first call should be made on the daughters, who would introduce her to their mother, if she were at home. If she were not, a card would be left for her and she would return the call in person. Frequently when a mother is elderly or an invalid her daughters have to make her calls for her.

When a call is made on the hostess’ “day at home” no card is sent in. In leaving the caller puts on the hall tray her card and one of her husband's for the hostess and each gentleman in the house. Only in making a business call is it necessary for a woman to send in her card or when she calls some time other than the hostess’ regular day for receiving.

It is usual to inform a servant before calling hours whether the mistress of the house will be at home to visitors that day or not. The formula, “Not at home,” is so well understood in society to mean “not receiving visitors,” that it is not taken to mean “out of the house.” But as servants are sometimes ignorant of this fact and have scruples about uttering a statement which appears to them untruthful, it is as well to explain the matter or see that they understand it. – Chicago News, 1898

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