International Etiquette Satire

When serving the Swiss steak he could dress up in Alpine garb and maybe yodel his way from guest to guest and while serving the Spanish onions he would make up a la toreador (bull fighter) and either whistle in Paloma (the dove) or play it on a Spanish bagpipes —According to Wikipedia Ring Lardner, the author of this article, “was best known for his satirical writings on sports, marriage, and the theatre. His contemporaries—Ernest Hemingway, Virginia Woolf, and F. Scott Fitzgerald—all professed strong admiration for his writing, and author John O'Hara directly attributed his understanding of dialogue to him.”

New Ideas for the Host on Etiquette and Good Manners 

To the editor:

Every little wile the mail brings in letters from admires of mine ask. ing me will I please advice them in regards to matters of etiquette and good manners and etc., and a per- son would think they was enough writers of the fair sex writing on these subjects in various newspapers and magazines without people calling on a man like myself though of course I may say without no fears of contradiction that they's mighty few women in society who is better qualified to advice along these lines as myself as I have give some of the biggest partys in the annals of Long Island and some of my friends calls me the perfect hest in a joking way.

Letters reed, in the last few days has been full of complaints in regards to some of the articles published on the subjects-referred to and the most general complaint seems to be that the women writers lack an originality and can't suggest nothing only the same old stuff and that is why my readers is anxious that l should turn my pen to this subject for a article or 2.

One lady writes me from Iowa that she wants to give a big party to her friends and maybe a few strangers along about the middle of March and as she is a new comer in the town she is anxious to make a impression but says that she ain't been able to find no writer that can furnish her with new idears as practically all of them keeps harping on the old time dinner party like the ones which has been give at exclusive 5th and 6th. ave. homes for the last 20 yrs, where the menu is always the same you might say including oyster soup, salt mackerel. hamburger, baked beans, ketchup. ice cream and cake and a cup of hot coffee.

The lady in Iowa wants to get away from that kind of junk and says would I please try and suggest something in the way of novelty and as several of my other readers may be planning parties themself, I may as well give them the benefit of what I have thought up for the lady in Iowa, or as it has been aptly turned, the Hawkeye state.

An International Dinner

The town where this lady lives has quite a number of immigrants amongst the population and as some of the foreign element is sure to slip in on a occasion like this kind, why it struck me that there could not be nothing more apropos than a International dinner. At an international dinner, the home should be decorated with the flags of all nations and if necessary some of the rooms could even be papered with German marks, rubles and etc… 

The bill of fare for the dinner would be made up of international dishes. Get a good natured waiter and have him dress up differently between every course, so as to represent the nationality of the different viandes. Like for instant when he was serving the Swiss steak he could dress up in a Alpine garb and maybe yodel his way from guest to guest and while serving the Spanish onions he would make up a la toreador (bull fighter) and either whistle Paloma (the dove) or play it on a Spanish bagpipes.

Filling is a suggestion for the complete bill of fare and I suppose that my hostess may half to send out of town for some of the viands but the results will be well worth the trouble.

Russian caviar     Malta milk

India relish      Jewfish

Chinese chop suey

Chile sauce     Irish stew

Italian vermouth      Spanish onions

German fried potatoes

Brazil.nuts    Hungarian galoshes

(Choice) Holland gin or Dutch cheese

Swede potatoes     Scotch

Greece

French pastry         Swiss steak

English walnuts        American cheese

Mexican jumping beans 

Japanese ginrickshas

Java

The composite invitation that would make the ideal menu for a affair like this kind and after the repast the remaining guests could set down for a few rounds of military culture with the tables named after different nations and each table equipped with a appropriate flag. For instance, the French table would have a French flag and vice versa.

It would give a added touch to a dinner of international flavor to send out the invitations in several languages, and I will close this article by giving a sample Invitation in the case the lady in Iowa and other would be hostess is not a accomplished linguist:

“Signora F. H. Goofski hat le honneur to einladen vous to a international dinner party at her doma. 411 rue de Hickory, on le 11 anut at sieben heures P. M. Bringen napkins. $5.00 per plate.” — Ring W. Lardner. 1923

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia