Etiquette and Airing Dirty Laundry

Whose “truth” holds the actual facts when someone trashing the in-laws while airing the dirtiest of laundry, exclaims proudly that it is “her truth” or “his truth?” Airing dirty laundry has practically become an international sport. It was so prevalent at the Paris Olympics last month, some of those airing it should have been given medals!

These days, popular social media sites are more full of dirty laundry than your local dry cleaner and laundromat combined. Wouldn’t it be great if A thru Z-list celebs had their own White House-type press secretaries to deflect questions and tell us all to disregard which dirty laundry we read on social media and the more salacious of news’ sites? And then, of course, tell us which we “should” believe? 

And whose “truth” holds the actual facts when someone trashing the in-laws while airing the dirtiest of laundry, exclaims proudly that it is “her truth” or “his truth?” Airing dirty laundry has practically become an international sport. It was so prevalent at the Paris Olympics last month, some of those airing it should have been given medals! But then again, they should have also been ashamed of themselves.

Unfortunately, scurrilous examples could have used a crackerjack press secretary for actions, reactions and events which ended up in the media as meaty clickbait and videos or reels of gossip-mongering. Examples include the duo nicknamed the “Temu Royals” on social media. They never stop airing dirty laundry, and thankfully it is not reciprocated by the other side of the bubbles. How about the hours spent discussing the inevitable split of those two once referred to as ‘Bennifer”? Or the laundry bubbles bursting onto the scene in the aftermath of the P. Diddy arrest?  Or the tamer soiled laundry of the late-Matthew Perry, who wrote in his tell-all autobiography about a long ago make out session with a then married Valerie Bertinelli, aka Mrs. Eddie Van Halen? 

The Language Council of Singapore described the idiom ‘airing of dirty laundry’ as “ a metaphor, stemming from the embarrassment one would feel if others saw the clothes, sheets and towels that needed washing. In addition, if the owner did not feel embarrassed, the witnesses would be. This works the same way for humiliating or extremely private family secrets that should not be talked about in front of others.”

We can use the centuries-old metaphor for the aforementioned modern examples that have played out on television and social media. Do we need to know about what the ‘nanny’ said? Do we want to know your thoughts about a particular boyfriend that your ex is dating or revealing intimate details in a book? My next question is hopefully a thought-provoking one…what does this say about you?

Perhaps it was a need to make money for the writer and publisher alike; leaking these details helps you in the legal case that will be made in the non-distant future, or it just ‘feels good’ to express emotion? Maybe! For those that don’t have a PR team at our disposal, we can use these tips before putting things on social media:

• 1. Think before reacting to a situation, tell a close and trusted friend or family member. 
• 2. What are the consequences (before, during and after) on airing my or someone else’s laundry? 
• 3. Do I need to make a press release for the purpose of providing general information for an official public statement?

One of the best examples to date is how the House of Grimaldi, otherwise known as the royal family of Monaco, dealing with the absence of Charlene, Princess of Monaco, from royal duties and life for a short period from the beginning of 2022. A quick and brief statement gave general insight but did not mar the monarchy's reputation. Bravo, and well done.

We all can channel Sarah Huckabee Sanders, former political spokesperson, first in a long line of press secretaries for the Trump administration and the governor-elect of Arkansas. She battled the White House Press Corps and supposed “dirty laundry” being brought into the White House Press Corps room like a knight wielding his sword, or even a high-tech laundromat at which the dirty laundry is scooped up and cleaned without a trace, playing down the constant barrage of political mishaps with obsequious comments deflecting from what was really happening. – By Elizabeth Soos

For many years, Etiquipedia contributor, Elizabeth Soos, has had a keen interest in cultural customs. With her European background and extensive travel, Soos developed an interest in the many forms of respect and cultural expectations in the countries she has visited. With her 20 years’ experience in customer service within private international companies based in Australia, and her lifetime interest in manners and research, she decided to branch out into the field of etiquette and deportment. Through her self-directed studies and by completing the Train-The-Trainer’s course offered by Emma Dupont’s School of Etiquette in London and by Guillaume Rue de Bernadac at Academie de Bernadac based in Paris and Shanghai, she founded Auersmont School of Etiquette. Elizabeth is currently traveling throughout India and brushing up on her Hindi.

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia