More Mid-19th C. Wine Etiquette

If either a lady or gentleman is invited to take wine at table, they must never refuse; if they do not drink, they need only touch the wine to their lips. Do not offer to help a lady to wine until you see she has finished her soup or fish.
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It is not now the custom to ask a lady across the table to take wine with you. It is expected that every lady will be properly helped to wine by the gentleman who takes her to the table, or who sits next to her. But if you are in company where the old custom prevails, it would be better breeding to follow the custom of the place, rather than by an omission of what your entertainer considers civility, to prove him, in face of his guests, to be either ignorant or vulgar. If either a lady or gentleman is invited to take wine at table, they must never refuse; if they do not drink, they need only touch the wine to their lips. Do not offer to help a lady to wine until you see she has finished her soup or fish.

Always wipe your mouth before drinking, as nothing is more ill-bred than to grease your glass with your lips. Do not propose to take wine with your host; it is his privilege to invite you. It is considered well bred to take the same wine as that selected by the person with whom you drink. When, how ever, the wine chosen by him is unpalatable to you, it is al lowable to take that which you prefer, at the same time apologizingly saying, "Will you permit me to drink claret?" or whatever wine you have selected. – From Arthur Martine’s Handbook, 1866

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