Etiquette for “Meeting His Mother”

There is an etiquette for meeting his mother (father, sister, brother, business partner, secretary, ex-wife) and its basis is essentially what makes any first-meetings successful ... self confidence and some forethought.

A day will come, inevitably, when he announces, “I want to take you home to meet my mother.” Panic! Suddenly blood seems to have stopped circulating to the outer regions of your toes. You're numb... a condition you feel will become permanent unless you can hire some one to take your place. No way! If you want him, it is essential to face her.

Calm down! To refuse, or even invent a reason not to go, is insulting to your love and his family. There is an etiquette for meeting his mother (father, sister, brother, business partner, secretary, ex-wife) and its basis is essentially what makes any first-meetings successful ... self confidence and some forethought.

Your man plays a large role in providing the confidence— he can complain about your appearance all the way to his parents’ door or assure you that freckles do not make you look thirteen. Here are some suggestions on pre-planning:

1. Fix hair the day before the visit so it feels natural. 

2. Don't buy a new dress. Wear a tested favorite . . . something he likes and that is comfortable to move in. If a particular color makes you feel cheerful, wear it. Avoid clanky jewelry.

3. Ask your love about his parents’ likes and dislikes so you'll know what subjects not to bring up.

4. Bring a hostess gift if at all appropriate, and remember that something you made-food or handwork will show how home-oriented you can be.

5. If the occasion is dinner and his mother doesn’t have help, ask if you can lend a hand in the kitchen or clear the table. (It will help if you don't break anything.)

6. Love her veal paprikash, crewel draperies, streaked hair, anything you can admire without sounding like an idiot.

7. Disagree (politely) on one minor point (pantsuits, a TV show) so she won't think you're playing up to her. Don’t talk too much or momma in-law will decide you’re pushy.

8. Don't act possessive about their son; you've won him, no need to irritate her by flaunting it.

9. Do say something sweet about him he'd like his mother to hear.

10. Remember... she knows you wouldn’t be there if you weren’t important to her boy... that makes her as scared as you are, at least. Think about putting her at ease, and your tensions will vanish too. — The Cosmo Girls’s Guide to New Etiquette, 1971

 Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia