“What Then?” Etiquette

Watching one’s host or hostess, especially when the meal is just beginning, is always helpful. But if they give no indication of which utensils to use first, yet encourage you to go ahead and start, just remember the number one dining rule: Work from the outside in. Always start with the utensil farthest away from the place setting and move in closer to the place setting with each consecutive course.

“A problem for the etiquette sharps: 

Suppose both the guest and the hostess are waiting to see which fork the other will use first? What then?”– San Francisco Chronicle, 1929

On Instagram, I’m sent questions from followers on a routine basis. This was not submitted to me. It’s from a San Francisco Call edition archive online. It was printed in 1929. The truth is, however, that it reads exactly like a question one of my young students would ask today. My youth etiquette class students get very creative with their questions. They want answers that make sense. –Site Editor, Maura J. Graber

Me: “So if you can’t remember what to do, watch to see what your host or hostess does …”

Typical 5th Grader: “But what if they’re watching me to see what I’m going to do? What if they’ve forgotten and know I took an etiquette class?!”

My response: “Fall back to the first rule in dining etiquette and choose the utensils farthest from the plate — to the right and the left — that utensil/s matches the size or shape of the food and dish, and do not use the utensils directly above the plate until you are served dessert.”

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia