Etiquette for the Busy Indian Day

Mornings often begin with preparing lunch for the family—commonly for children heading to school or a spouse heading to work.

Hectic Life in an Average Indian Home

Have you ever taken an evening stroll through your neighbourhood and found yourself wondering about the lives unfolding behind the windows and walls around you? While it may seem like an unusual thought, it sparks a deeper curiosity: what does a day in the life of the average Indian look like?

Living in India has given me a unique glimpse into everyday life, particularly the routines and dynamics within households. The following is what I observed:

Mornings often begin with preparing lunch for the family—commonly for children heading to school or a spouse heading to work. In many households, hired help is integral to daily life. Domestic workers, referred to locally as “maids,” are usually women, though it’s not uncommon to find young men taking up this role as their primary source of income.

The day for many homemakers and remote workers starts with letting in the maid and assigning the day’s tasks. This process struck me as quite different from Western practices. In India, a close eye is often kept on the maid’s work to ensure it meets expectations. For someone from the West, where the typical approach is to outline tasks and trust that they will be completed to a satisfactory standard without constant supervision, this can feel unfamiliar, even uncomfortable.

When I asked local friends about this practice, they explained that close supervision is seen as necessary to prevent shortcuts. Maids are often managing multiple houses and might be tempted to rush through their work to move on to the next. The sentiment shared was: “I don't play around with my money – I want to see it work for me.” While understandable, the process seems exhausting to me as an outsider.

If you’re visiting a friend’s apartment in Mumbai, be prepared for some common entry protocols. At the gate, the security guard will likely stop you, as unfamiliar faces are routinely checked. Be sure to have your host’s full name and apartment number handy. In some cases, you may be directed to the doorman, who might take your photo and collect your details for a security app. This ensures a smoother entry on future visits, as your information will be stored and verified.

In older buildings, you may need to climb stairs — less than ideal in Mumbai’s heat. In newer apartments, you’ll often encounter a double-door entry system: a folding gate followed by the main door. For the elevator to function, you must open and securely close both doors each time you enter or exit. A friendly heads-up: as you leave the apartment after a warm and welcoming visit, and enter the elevator, be prepared for a rush. You might find yourself navigating a flurry of activity, much like stepping off a Mumbai train, with residents eager to get home or maids hurrying between houses to finish their day.

What should you bring as a gift to your hosts house? I have found with trial and error that anything from overseas is perfect, such as chocolates, sweets in generous packaging, tea in a tin and, if you know the man of the house very well, a whiskey. In Mumbai and other states, if you want to bring alcohol to a hosts house and you know that they drink alcohol, as many do not, its best a man go to the shop’s front rather than a woman. As a foreigner, all eyes are on you, as you leave the apartment, on the street, on the bus as I found out one day. I got onto a bus on my usual route and the driver said he had not seen me awhile and I explained that I had moved apartments. Very observant of the driver!

Front doors in India are vibrant and often showcase the family’s name alongside symbols of faith and cultural identity. Hindu households may display torana or bandanwar (decorative hangings of marigolds or mango leaves for good luck), swastika or om symbols for blessings, or items like a kalash or gudi (traditional Maharashtrian flag) during festivals. Some Christian homes might feature a cross, while Muslim homes often have plaques with quranic inscriptions such as “bismillah-ir-rahman-ir-rahim” for blessings and protection. Additionally, some homes use black threads or amulets to ward off negative energies, reflecting a blend of religious and cultural traditions.

Upon removing your shoes and placing them by the door or on a shoe rack — rest assured, they’re unlikely to go missing —you’ll step inside barefoot and be warmly welcomed by your host and their family. Greetings often include a friendly namaste, with hands pressed together, accompanied by introductions to those present. While some Indians may offer a hug or a kiss, it’s best to mirror their approach if they don’t initiate such gestures. Your host will then guide you to take a seat on the sofa, making you feel right at home.

As you take a seat, you’ll be offered water on a tray. It’s a kind gesture rooted in an ancient tradition of hospitality, meant to refresh guests after their journey and set a welcoming tone. It’s polite to accept and appreciate this thoughtful offering. Afterward, the conversation typically begins with inquiries about your health and family, and it’s customary to reciprocate. 

You may be offered chai by your host after drinking water. Please don’t say ‘yes, I’ll have chai tea’, your host will have a wide smile and say ‘chai means tea’ and laugh. 

A compliment about your host’s home, family and work, is always a great way to keep the conversation flowing. Other ice-breakers are asking and knowing about the latest Bollywood movies, actors and actresses and asking who’s your favourite or what is it about the film you like the most? I don’t want to scare you… but you must be very prepared for the next to come… to be asked questions that would be relegated to the ‘no-go-zone’ in western countries such as ‘how much is your rent?’, ‘how much do you get teaching?’, ‘why don’t you have children?’, ‘how much is your house worth?’ and so it goes on. Being prepared is key.

Don’t be surprised if the men break off on a different couch or in a room completely, leaving the women to talk or walk off to the kitchen together. This is a common social dynamic in many Indian cultures, where gender roles and expectations can influence social interactions.

During your visit, you’ll notice the host managing various household tasks. If they have a full-time domestic helper, you might observe them providing instructions, often related to meal preparation. If the host is preparing the meal themselves, expect them to move in and out of the kitchen, with the dining set-up unfolding gradually, rather than being prearranged.

When it’s time to eat, be prepared for a generous serving of food, including a mountain of rice accompanied by roti, papad, and an array of curries. To enjoy the meal gracefully without overwhelming yourself, use the roti or papad to eat with the curries, and reserve the rice for lighter dishes like dal. To politely manage the over-abundance of rice, take small portions and express your appreciation for the delicious meal, emphasising its loving preparation while explaining that you have a small appetite. This approach shows gratitude while ensuring you don’t offend your host.

I didn’t mention this before, you may be offered chai by your host after drinking water. Please don’t say ‘yes, I’ll have chai tea’, your host will have a wide smile and say ‘chai means tea’ and laugh. After your meal you may be offered chai again. Just remember that chai is very sweet and, depending on your host, might be flavoured with a choice of green cardamom, ginger — a winning combination – or even pepper, which is not too bad.

Whilst you are back on the sofa, sipping and talking, with those from Maharashtra, I have found when there is disapproval, affirmation or correction on a subject you are talking about, they will click with their tongue to emphasise how they feel. It’s really an interesting thing that they do and after a while I started doing when speaking in Hindi or English.

Please note that unless you know your host well or you have very important work to do the next day, I mean if you are meeting the Prime Minister of India – an important day, to say the least – then your lunch and dinner meal will run very late and overtime. Have yourself a small snack before your enter uber or a rickshaw, that will fill the gurling in your stomach. A day after the event, it’s nice to say thank you and follow up with a text of pleasantries.

 

For many years, Etiquipedia contributor, Elizabeth Soos, has had a keen interest in cultural customs. With her European background and extensive travel, Soos developed an interest in the many forms of respect and cultural expectations in the countries she has visited. With her 20 years’ experience in customer service within private international companies based in Australia, and her lifetime interest in manners and research, she decided to branch out into the field of etiquette and deportment. Through her self-directed studies and by completing the Train-The-Trainer’s course offered by Emma Dupont’s School of Etiquette in London and by Guillaume Rue de Bernadac at Academie de Bernadac based in Paris and Shanghai, she founded Auersmont School of Etiquette. Elizabeth is currently traveling throughout India and brushing up on her Hindi.

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia