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| When a hostess has paired her guests before a dinner and each man seeks the woman assigned to him he usually says: “I believe that I am to have the pleasure of taking you in to dinner” and she has but to bow and smile while accepting his arm, and may say in a voice of perfunctory politeness: “I am very glad,” or if she wish to be very complimentary may venture “I am fortunate,” |
Talk That Influences
It is a form of influence to pass on in conversation whatever one has read or heard that may be helpful and inspiring to others. Many an important resolve taken in the course of one's life has been greatly influenced by what one has heard in a chance conversation.
We may do much in the cause of truth and kindliness without advertising our motive or sounding a trumpet before us. With an art that conceals art we may lead the conversation away from scandal and innuendo into channels pure and peaceable. "Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh"-therefore the source must be right. Fearlessly but never aggressively should we defend our convictions and "show our colors." Preaching is out of place. Society is not a school, but a playground where people meet to exchange ideas and forget their work and their worries. Most of them have to work hard in some way or other and need relaxation.
The Early Stages of Conversation
The preliminary stages of conversation offer the principal difficulty- “the dread of silence makes us mute.” The weather seems to have perennial interest. Why may not one treasure a few bits of stories apropos of that much-worn topic, to be brought out upon occasion? For instance, someone speaks of the variability of the weather, whereupon one right tell of the lady whose physician advised for her change of climate. “Why, doctor, you forget that I am a New York woman; I never have anything but changes!” was her rejoinder. At least it is better than mere acquiescence, and when people have laughed together the ice is broken. It is possible to have at one's tongue's end some trifling things of interest on various subjects, but the supply needs frequent renewal.
Conversation at Dinners
There are moments when the embarrassment of silence is relieved by the knowledge that nothing but the veriest commonplaces are expected. When a hostess has paired her guests before a dinner and each man seeks the woman assigned to him he usually says: “I believe that I am to have the pleasure of taking you in to dinner” and she has but to bow and smile while accepting his arm, and may say in a voice of perfunctory politeness: “I am very glad,” or if she wish to be very complimentary may venture “I am fortunate,”
It is usually the man who takes the initiative and the woman who bears the burden of the conversation. On the way to the dining room they may improve the occasion or not, as they please. There is sometimes an awkward pause at the beginning of the meal before the company seem to have adapted themselves to their surroundings and to each other. A hostess blessed with tact will know how to set the ball rolling, perhaps with something of interest treasured for the occasion.
Each person at table should endeavor to make himself or herself agreeable to both neighbors, as opportunity serves. General conversation is only who have the reputation of being talkers must be careful not to overshadow others, if they would give pleasure. A fluent talker is apt to be over-eager to say what he has in his mind and his conversation often becomes a monologue. A professional talker is a professional bore.
At table he should not engross one's neighbor by conversation, however charming, so that he is unable to satisfy his appetite and in some measure to appreciate what his hostess has been at pains to provide. Courtesy excludes the introduction of all subjects calculated to excite heated argument, unpleasant discussion or anything that may be obnoxious to any one present.
Upon the return of the men to the drawing room to rejoin the ladies there is sometimes an awkward moment. A suggestive opening may be to carry on the central idea of the talk just con- cluded in the dining room. A man may say "We have been having a most interesting discussion since you left us," and the lady may ask. "What have you men been talking about that called forth such spontaneous laughter?" It is un- necessary to add that gentlemen do not discuss in the neighborhood of ladies matters that could not be repeated in their hearing and it is a rule that should work both ways. ssary
Compliments
The famous Mme. Recamier said that she always found two words sufficed to make her guests feel their welcome. Upon their arrival she exclaimed "At last!" and when they took leave she said "Already?" If taken literally we should deprecate the flattery. Flattery is insincere praise hand takrongs him sometimes that and that kinder to accept a compliment than to parry it. One may say "Thank you, it is pleasant to be seen through such kind (or partial) eyes," or perhaps, "It is a comfort to know that friendship is partly, blind as well as the mythological boy," or any nonsense that serves to show that one appreciates the spirit that prompted the kind expressions, however wide of the truth. The frequent repetition of the name of the person addressed holds a subtle compliment, implying more complete concentration of the speaker's thought upon his or her personality.
Good Listeners
De Quincey says: “More is done for the benefit of conversation by the simple magic of good manners than by all varieties of intellectual power.” It is the sympathetic and responsive listeners that call forth the best efforts of a talker. For such are reserved his choicest stories, his finest thoughts. A kindling of the face, a flash of the eye, a ready smile… — Copyright, 1901, by Doubleday, Page & Co., 1901
The Early Stages of Conversation
The preliminary stages of conversation offer the principal difficulty- “the dread of silence makes us mute.” The weather seems to have perennial interest. Why may not one treasure a few bits of stories apropos of that much-worn topic, to be brought out upon occasion? For instance, someone speaks of the variability of the weather, whereupon one right tell of the lady whose physician advised for her change of climate. “Why, doctor, you forget that I am a New York woman; I never have anything but changes!” was her rejoinder. At least it is better than mere acquiescence, and when people have laughed together the ice is broken. It is possible to have at one's tongue's end some trifling things of interest on various subjects, but the supply needs frequent renewal.
Conversation at Dinners
There are moments when the embarrassment of silence is relieved by the knowledge that nothing but the veriest commonplaces are expected. When a hostess has paired her guests before a dinner and each man seeks the woman assigned to him he usually says: “I believe that I am to have the pleasure of taking you in to dinner” and she has but to bow and smile while accepting his arm, and may say in a voice of perfunctory politeness: “I am very glad,” or if she wish to be very complimentary may venture “I am fortunate,”
It is usually the man who takes the initiative and the woman who bears the burden of the conversation. On the way to the dining room they may improve the occasion or not, as they please. There is sometimes an awkward pause at the beginning of the meal before the company seem to have adapted themselves to their surroundings and to each other. A hostess blessed with tact will know how to set the ball rolling, perhaps with something of interest treasured for the occasion.
Each person at table should endeavor to make himself or herself agreeable to both neighbors, as opportunity serves. General conversation is only who have the reputation of being talkers must be careful not to overshadow others, if they would give pleasure. A fluent talker is apt to be over-eager to say what he has in his mind and his conversation often becomes a monologue. A professional talker is a professional bore.
At table he should not engross one's neighbor by conversation, however charming, so that he is unable to satisfy his appetite and in some measure to appreciate what his hostess has been at pains to provide. Courtesy excludes the introduction of all subjects calculated to excite heated argument, unpleasant discussion or anything that may be obnoxious to any one present.
Upon the return of the men to the drawing room to rejoin the ladies there is sometimes an awkward moment. A suggestive opening may be to carry on the central idea of the talk just con- cluded in the dining room. A man may say "We have been having a most interesting discussion since you left us," and the lady may ask. "What have you men been talking about that called forth such spontaneous laughter?" It is un- necessary to add that gentlemen do not discuss in the neighborhood of ladies matters that could not be repeated in their hearing and it is a rule that should work both ways. ssary
Compliments
The famous Mme. Recamier said that she always found two words sufficed to make her guests feel their welcome. Upon their arrival she exclaimed "At last!" and when they took leave she said "Already?" If taken literally we should deprecate the flattery. Flattery is insincere praise hand takrongs him sometimes that and that kinder to accept a compliment than to parry it. One may say "Thank you, it is pleasant to be seen through such kind (or partial) eyes," or perhaps, "It is a comfort to know that friendship is partly, blind as well as the mythological boy," or any nonsense that serves to show that one appreciates the spirit that prompted the kind expressions, however wide of the truth. The frequent repetition of the name of the person addressed holds a subtle compliment, implying more complete concentration of the speaker's thought upon his or her personality.
Good Listeners
De Quincey says: “More is done for the benefit of conversation by the simple magic of good manners than by all varieties of intellectual power.” It is the sympathetic and responsive listeners that call forth the best efforts of a talker. For such are reserved his choicest stories, his finest thoughts. A kindling of the face, a flash of the eye, a ready smile… — Copyright, 1901, by Doubleday, Page & Co., 1901
🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia
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