Etiquette… the Hostess’s Bugbear

The idea that failure to do either one thing or the other marks one as unversed in the ways of society, is ridiculous. Ease of manner is the real mark of good breeding. If one is afraid to do the natural thing, ease of manner is impossible.

ETIQUETTE has become the bugbear of the hostess. It has been written about and talked about so much that it overshadows the delight of ordinary social intercourse. “Shall I do this?” “Shall I do that?” are the constant queries of people who have hitherto been entirely happy and correct in doing the natural thing. Of course, there are certain customs of good society that we all want to be conversant with; but etiquette is another word for usage, and usage is built up on good sense and good manners.

“Should I pick up a spoon that falls from the dinner table?” asks one harassed inquirer. “Why not?” is the answer. If there are servants at hand who can do it for you, or the spoon is not perfectly clean, or it has rolled to such a position that it would cause a diversion to grope for it, one's good sense bids it lie. But if it is within easy reach and the impulse is to pick it up, then do it. The idea that failure to do either one thing or the other marks one as unversed in the ways of society, is ridiculous. Ease of manner is the real mark of good breeding. If one is afraid to do the natural thing, ease of manner is impossible.

Entertaining, of course, offers its own special problems, but the hostess' greatest asset is a sense of hospitality and enjoyment of her guests. To be surrounded with things that are beautiful and charming is the desire of most people. If our surroundings are right and we endeavor to be as natural as possible, entertaining becomes a comparatively simple matter. It is essential, however, that the surroundings be right, and a hostess’ real necessity for perfect entertaining is correct service that is, charming linen, good china, and the best and most complete silverware equipment she can afford.

It is not always possible for the girl starting housekeeping to have all the silverware she would like, neither is it always wise for her to try. There is a danger that she will be tempted to buy inferior ware and make up in quantity what she lacks in quality. Each year, however, the service should be added to; for while the world may look leniently on the shortcomings in the service of the bride, it expects the hostess of standing to entertain with dignity and distinction.— From “ Etiquette, Entertaining and Good Sense,” 1923

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia