Early 20th C. Correspondence Etiquette

Out of every hundred successful men and women, ninety-nine are punctilious letter writers — A late 19th century lady’s lap- desk or travel writing desk, disguised as a book of Shakespeare’s Complete Works.

Answer All Letters Promptly

“A man may write any time if he set himself doggedly to do it.” —Samuel Johnson

I have found that out of every hundred successful men and women, ninety-nine are punctilious letter writers. One of the first things the man who wants to win in politics does, is to establish strict rules for answering letters. It would be safe to say that no man who has been elected to a high political office has ever done so without the aid of careful habits in regard to letter writing.

Surely no man has ever become President of the United States within late years, who has not early formed the habit of attention to answering letters. If you doubt this, read the biographies of Roosevelt, of Lincoln, of Cleveland, of any of the other men who have lived in the White House. And if big men like that haven't been able to win out without writing letters, how can you hope to do so?

The social leader whether she leads society with a capital “S” or is president of the woman’s club in a town of 10,000 or the most popular member of the Ladies’ Aid in a village with one church, a store and the post-office is, in nine cases out of ten, punctilious about answering letters. Let her become careless in this regard and see how soon her popularity wanes.

Are you aware of the fact that strict etiquette requires that any formal dinner invitation that is received by a note requires a definite acceptance or regret by the return post, – surely on the day that it is received?

Do you know that gifts from friends whom you cannot thank in person at once, should always be acknowledged within a week? This applies to Christmas gifts and wedding gifts. It is a careless bride who waits till after she is married to write “thank you” notes for her wedding presents. To be on the safe side make a rule that any personal or social letter that is not an answer to a letter of your own deserves an answer and that answer should be dispatched within ten days.

If keeping up what one calls a correspondence with a friend out of town, a longer interval may intervene. Remember that it would be better for you never to carry on any of these correspondences at all, than to neglect the imperative letters of social obligation and courtesy.

Etiquette requires that any invitation on which R. S. V. P. is written, should be answered within a day or two of receipt, that any invitation save that for a church wedding or tea – when R. S. V. P. is not engraved on the invitation – requires a prompt answer. Etiquette requires that the announcement by letter of an engagement, a birth, death, marriage or illnes requires a prompt reply. So much for the strict requirements of good form. 

Remember besides that courtesy prompts the well bred man or woman to write notes of congratulation on the occasion of wedding or birthday anniversaries of friends or near relatives, when it has been impossible to call for an unusual length of time, when there is illness in the family or on the occasion af any misfortune or good fortune.

But remember that promptness is the first requisite of good form in letter writing. The best way to make sure of promptness is to have suitable writing materials at hand – and if you have good black or dark blue ink, a pen and plain white paper of conventional shape and size, you have all that etiquette demands in the way of writing equipment. – By Mary Marshall Duffee, 1917

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia