Polish Your Poise and Vocabulary

Vulgarity IS no substitute for wit, as the Dowager Countess would say. And Jennifer L. Scott most likely agrees with her. This post comes from her wonderful book, “Polish Your Poise with Madame Chic” – “… how can you deal with a society that increasingly devalues language and lauds the curse word? When I hear people cursing loudly in public, especially when I'm with my girls, I long to give the curser an etiquette smack-down. But I resist because I think setting a good example is more effective. You can commit to being a good example too.”

Polishing Your Poise with MADAME CHIC 

By Eliminating Vulgarities

Poised people do not have potty mouth. If you struggle with this, and are committed to cultivating poise, it's time to clean up your language. I have not always been an angel in this area. When I was younger, I thought it was cool to swear and did so regularly when talking with my friends. Then after I observed how carefully Madame Chic always chose her words, swearing with my friends no longer felt funny to me, it just felt crass. When I decided to cultivate poise, I knew it had no place in my life. Cleaning up your language isn't always easy. I'm not promising that when I stub my toe an expletive won't come out of my mouth, but on the whole, I commit to being conscious about the words I speak. 

When you commit to cleaning up your language, you might have to clean up the music you listen to and the entertainment you watch as well. The other day my husband and I decided to watch a popular detective show from a cable net work because we had heard from many people that it was the “best ever.” We had to check it out! Twenty-five minutes into the first episode, I had to turn it off. My husband agreed. I don't care how brilliant a show is, I don't feel like listening to the f-bomb being dropped every ten seconds. Now that I've committed to cleaning up my language, listening to someone litter their speech with swear words is like watching a big black fly floating in a pretty china teacup. Perhaps this is why I like Downton Abbey so much? I'm sure that's one of many reasons.

So how can you deal with a society that increasingly devalues language and lauds the curse word? When I hear people cursing loudly in public, especially when I'm with my girls, I long to give the curser an etiquette smack-down. But I resist because I think setting a good example is more effective. You can commit to being a good example too. When you are at lunch with your friend who casually says the f-word repeatedly over salad and iced tea, you can commit to not joining in. You can commit to making all the sounds that come out of your mouth beautiful and empowering. Perhaps she will get it. Perhaps she won't. It doesn't matter. All that matters is that you are making a choice as to how your speech will affect the world. You have viewers, and they will be attracted to how intelligent and levelheaded you sound. Madame Chic never cursed. Nary a “zut alors!” came out of her mouth. She chose her words carefully, and now I choose to do the same.

When she arrived at Madame Chic’s Parisian apartment as a foreign exchange student, Jennifer Scott was a casual California girl who thought sweatpants were appropriate street attire. Madame Chic took Jennifer under her wing and tutored her in the secrets of how the French elevate the little things in life to the art of living. Years later, Jennifer was back in California with a husband, two young daughters, a dog, and her first home. Every day she confronted mundane duties like folding laundry and unloading the dishwasher, and she began to think about Madame Chic’s home—how the breakfast table was set beautifully the night before, the music that always played in the background, the calm of Madame and Monsieur Chic’s ritual cocktail hour together. Jennifer wanted that life. She decided to see what would happen if she didn’t perform her chores impatiently or mindlessly, if, instead, she could live like Madame Chic… This is just one of the books from her marvelous series.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia