Late 20th C. State of U.S. Etiquette

If you’re part of the Generation X crowd or younger, you can thank your parents for your lacking decorum. (Is there nothing that parents can’t be blamed for?) Manners mavens say the hippie ‘60s— when everything conventional was rejected— was the start of the decline. Etiquette experts say the deterioration continued into the 1970s and ‘80s, when people were too busy or just didn’t care about their behavior.

With the holiday season soon in full swing, chances are you’ve experienced —or will— this dining play-by-play:

It begins with a fellow diner attacking a meal, grunting as he spears and saws his way through a piece of meat. Painfully, it continues as he heaves gobs of mashed potatoes into his gaping mouth, stopping only to savor the defining moment of gustatory satisfaction— a big, juicy buuurrrp.

Where were these table barbarians reared? Perhaps in the Land of Piggy-Piggy. You know, that place where chewing open-mouthed, using the back of the hand as a napkin and employing a toothpick to catch any after-dinner treats are celebrated activities.

The fact is, a large portion of our adult population lacks some of the basic social skills that separate human from beast. And their children are following by example.

Shocked by the way little Johnny downs his lime Jell-O or mashes meatballs into his mouth? Well, don’t be too appalled. Chances are the tyke got some of his best lessons at home.

“Ninety percent of manners is role modeling,” says Joan K. Hopper, who holds etiquette programs for children, adults and the business community.

If you’re part of the Generation X crowd or younger, you can thank your parents for your lacking decorum. (Is there nothing that parents can’t be blamed for?) Manners mavens say the hippie ‘60s— when everything conventional was rejected— was the start of the decline. Etiquette experts say the deterioration continued into the 1970s and ‘80s, when people were too busy or just didn’t care about their behavior.

“For the past 20 years, I’ve watched the decline of human behavior,” says Letitia Baldrige, an expert on manners who has served as social secretary at the U.S. embassies in Paris and Rome. “It’s just amazing— amazing!— the things people think are acceptable at the table and even in other parts of our lives.”

A decline in the importance the country places on table manners has led to a generation that believes eating with fingers is cute and that placing elbows on the table is OK if you’re really tired.

“Good manners should have never gone away,” Hopper says. “Now we have to play catch-up.”

In defense of those who rebelled against social decorum, there are other reasons for the manners mess. The ever-more-rushed pace of society and increasing number of single-parent households where the parent works most of the time and the children often eat in front of a TV or computer are also to blame for our diminishing demeanor.

Of course, few people are willing to admit they have poor manners. But practically everyone has a friend who does.

Etiquette experts say social skills can give a person an upper hand in the job market. “People judge each other on how they carry and present themselves,” Hopper says. “That includes potential friends and employers.”

The good news? Etiquette consultants say more people want to learn. “I’m especially seeing it within the business community,” Hopper says. “Companies are really concerned about setting a good example when traveling abroad.”

“I expect things to change for the better,” Baldrige says. “I really think we should expect a social revolution.” — Helen Ubinas, Times, 1995

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia