Etiquette and Your Bottom Line

From a 1992 New York Times article on with Leticia Baldridge on the relaxing of manners in general, which led to a new found need for training in corporate manners for the 1990s, spurring on the “1990s Etiquette era.”

Etiquette used to mean knowing what fork to use and standing when an adult entered the room. Ladies went to charm school to learn how to curtsy, balance encyclopedias on their heads for good posture and attract the right proposal. Today proper protocol is considered a business requirement, and executives are attending charm school in droves, eager to learn the finer points of finishing. In the last 20 years, we have been concentrating so much on productivity that we have forgotten about etiquette. Now companies have realized that half their employees don't know how to conduct themselves, explains Beverly Washington, who owns Image Factor, a Chicago image management firm.

Many American overseas business ventures fail because Americans dont know how to treat . other people, says Dorothea Johnson, director of the Protocol School of Washington, D.C., which provides etiquette and cross-cultural training to ambassadors, senators and celebrities. A business person can determine another's sophistication in five to seven seconds, notes Washington. Whether you know how to properly place your napkin, shake hands or butter bread affects whether someone will choose to do business with you." 

As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Your manners are always under examination, and by committees little suspected, awarding or denying you very high prizes when you least think it.” Now etiquette means knowing how to conduct yourself and put others at ease in every situation. The goal of charm schools is no longer luring husbands, but contracts. It’s just like any game: If you know the rules, you can play, says Johnson. It’s important for kids to grow up knowing how to conduct themselves, says Washington.

Kids today are thrown into many adult situations, so they must learn how not to appear rude and ignorant. They go out more with their parents. They take internships and work with other professionals. Manners used to be taught in the home, but parents are too tired and busy these days, says Dori Steves, owner of the Don Steves School of Etiquette and International Good Manners in Boca Raton, Fla. Schools don't have time to teach it because they're too busy with gun control. 

Etiquette is crucial in social situations. If you don't know how to make small talk, dress appropriately or recover from forgetting someones name, you're at a distinct disadvantage, says Joseph Durkin, executive director of the John Robert Powers School in Chicago, which offers classes in personal development and social awareness. People think etiquette school just glosses over the surface, teaching clients how to groom themselves, walk and smile prettily, says Steves. In fact, we go into depth with things they use every day: how to present awards, give and receive flowers, pour a drink, serve adults, call a waiter, pull out a chair, butter a roll. We teach them how to conduct themselves not just at the dining table but in life. 

The basis of all manners is showing respect for other people, stresses Janette H. Godfrey, owner of Pennsylvaniabased Distinctions, which imparts social graces to kids ages 8 to 18. If we have good manners, we enjoy confidence in social situations. Knowing how to do the right thing at the right time frees us up to be concerned for other people, not just ourselves.

Etiquette has certainly evolved through the ages, Steves says. It started in Versailles in the 14th Century when the King put a big notice up about how people should behave in Court. The requirements of etiquette have changed since then to suit the age. It used to be very swashbuckling for a man to protect his lady from mud by putting his cape on the ground and walking on the street side of the walkway, she added. 

Today, if you ask a teenage boy to walk on the outside of a sidewalk, he has no idea why, except maybe to stop a bullet. All the things that John Wayne used to know have gone by the wayside." You can avoid falling into this category by checking out training programs. Beyond passing food to the right, here are some specific tips from the experts:

• When you are invited to a party, don't ask the hostess about the menu or who else has been invited. 
• At a reception, take no more than three items of food at a time from the tea table. 
• Don't lift a roll to your mouth. Break bread one bite-size piece at a time. Butter it as you go along, not all at once. 
• If you drop a piece of silverware in a restaurant don't pick it up. Signal the waiter and ask him to do it. 

As our society becomes more mechanized, new guidelines are springing up to govern phone manners, computer manners…even fax manners. 

• With faxes, always use a cover sheet and never fax a document that is longer than 10 pages; use a messenger or overnight service instead. 

And a few general business rules: 

• Always present your business card face up, with the writing facing the recipient 
• When wearing a name tag, place it on the right side of your body. 
• A man should always wait for a lady to initiate a handshake.— By Reshma Memon Yaqub, Special to ‘Your Money’ in North County Times, 1994

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia