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| “Yes; it seems to me that one of the most important things is the etiquette of cards. It is strange that a bit of pasteboard means so much, isn't it?” |
The Rules Governing the Use of
Visiting Cards
When, Where, For Whom to Leave Them
"ASK me anything you like," said Mrs. Wright cordially to a friend who had been puzzled over some points of etiquette.
"You are very good to help me," said Mrs. Howe. "After living out of town for some time as I have done one gets out of touch with many things."
"In town or out of town there are always certain accounts to be kept with society," answered Mrs. Wright. "In smaller towns and country neighborhoods the same general duties should be done. I don't mean to call them 'duties' only. They should be pleasures."
"But with my children to think of, I have neglected social duties or pleasures," pleaded Mrs. Howe.
"That is a natural and a frequent excuse," said her friend, "but it is not altogether fair to your husband or yourself to neglect society, and not fair to seem indifferent to your friends. Then you must remember that you have two girls. They should give you a new interest in social life."
"But they are children!" exclaimed the young mother in surprise.
Keep in Touch for the Children
"They will not always be children. They will be grown up before you realize. While they are growing up you must not drift away from social interests or customs. You must stay bright and young for the sake of your husband, children, friends and society in general."
"You are right. I am going to try to follow your example," said Mrs. Howe, gayly. Then she added, "If my girls have as good manners when they grow up as your Rosamond, I shall be happy."
"I did not intend to draw down so much flattery on my head or on Rosamond's," said Mrs. Wright, laughing.
Then she continued confidingly: "Rosamond's coming out this winter has been a joy instead of a task, because I have tried always to keep in touch with society and its ways. A girl's coming out brings up all sorts of matters for discussion, and one needs to be prepared with information."
"I see that you are having a very busy winter," said Mrs. Howe.
"Yes, a busy and delightful winter; and now that you tell me you want my suggestions I shall have another pleasure. Is there not something you want to discuss?"
"Yes; it seems to me that one of the most important things is the etiquette of cards. It is strange that a bit of pasteboard means so much, isn't it?"
The Importance of Cards
"Not when you think that cards help to unite society. We could never pay off our social debts, or even remind people of our existence, without these useful little bits of pasteboard. Cards are very often, too, the expressions of kindliness, sympathy or congratulation. After all, there is a common-sense reason about the use of visiting cards, as in most social matters. Leaving cards is a step toward renewing, friendships, forming or enlarging one's circle of friends. If one does not follow the prescribed rules it is a sure step in the wrong direction."
"How should I let my friends know that I have come back to town to live?" asked Mrs. Howe.
"You should call on all friends and former visiting acquaintances and leave your cards with your new address. In large cities where distances are great and visiting is not easy, many persons simplify matters by having a tea or a series of teas and sending out cards to that effect. This shows one's friends that one remembers them and wishes to see them, and they generally respond by calling on one of the days; but after a prolonged absence it would seem more to call on your list of acquaintances, even though you send out cards later for some special event. Everyone should try to make at least one call during the year on friends and acquaintances."
Before I forget it, please explain what is meant by leaving cards?"
Leaving Cards
"Remember always that a card is a reminder of your call and your address. One leaves a card whether the hostess is at home or not. You may leave a card on the hall table when entering the house or when going away. You may lay a card down unobtrusively on any convenient table.
If you are told at the front door that Mrs. B is not at home, you may leave your card with the person who opens the door. Of course, one must never under any circumstances give one's card to the person on whom one is calling." "About my husband's cards-what is the custom?" asked Mrs. Howe.
"A man is not supposed to have leisure for making calls. His wife leaves his cards with her own when making a first call of the season and when calling in acknowledgment of invitations. The general rule to remember is that a woman leaves one of her cards for each lady in a family, and one of her husband's cards for each lady and for the man of the household. Yet, here is another point: it is not considered in good taste to leave more than three of one's cards at a house, even where there is a large family.
"A man is not supposed to have leisure for making calls. His wife leaves his cards with her own when making a first call of the season and when calling in acknowledgment of invitations. The general rule to remember is that a woman leaves one of her cards for each lady in a family, and one of her husband's cards for each lady and for the man of the household. Yet, here is another point: it is not considered in good taste to leave more than three of one's cards at a house, even where there is a large family.
For instance, you might be calling on Mrs. B. who has two grown daughters. Her mother lives with her. Three of your cards would include them all, and three of your husband's cards would be plenty. As a general rule, a married man's card is not left for a young girl." "How soon is a call due after an invitation?"
"Within a week after a dinner, a luncheon, a card party, a home wedding, or any evening party. It is obligatory to call whether one accepted or not." "Is it right to call after a tea or reception?" inquired Mrs. Howe.
"No, you do not call after a tea or reception, because your call is made when going to the tea. A hostess sends cards to notify her friends when she will be at home. They may go or not as they please. If they go they leave cards. If they cannot go they send cards by post on the day of the tea, and their duty is done."
At that moment pretty Rosamond came in from a walk. Seeing her mother's friend she hastened forward.
"Oh, Mrs. Howe, I am so glad to see you," she said, as they shook hands. Instead of chattering about herself the girl sat near her mother and showed by her courteous manner that she was interested in their guest,
Presently Mrs. Howe rose to go while saying to her hostess, "This friendly talk has given me new energy and courage. I am determined to try to surmount all difficulties in the social world.
Mrs. Wright and Rosamond rose and shook hands with their guest, and Mrs. Wright accompanied her to the door, saying, "Come to me as often as you wish with problems." – Fresno Bee, 1909
"Within a week after a dinner, a luncheon, a card party, a home wedding, or any evening party. It is obligatory to call whether one accepted or not." "Is it right to call after a tea or reception?" inquired Mrs. Howe.
"No, you do not call after a tea or reception, because your call is made when going to the tea. A hostess sends cards to notify her friends when she will be at home. They may go or not as they please. If they go they leave cards. If they cannot go they send cards by post on the day of the tea, and their duty is done."
At that moment pretty Rosamond came in from a walk. Seeing her mother's friend she hastened forward.
"Oh, Mrs. Howe, I am so glad to see you," she said, as they shook hands. Instead of chattering about herself the girl sat near her mother and showed by her courteous manner that she was interested in their guest,
Presently Mrs. Howe rose to go while saying to her hostess, "This friendly talk has given me new energy and courage. I am determined to try to surmount all difficulties in the social world.
Mrs. Wright and Rosamond rose and shook hands with their guest, and Mrs. Wright accompanied her to the door, saying, "Come to me as often as you wish with problems." – Fresno Bee, 1909
🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia
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