More Etiquette of Polite Conversation

Characters Marian Brooke and Peggy Scott (played by Louisa Jacobson and 

Denée Benton), share conversations, carriages and, eventually, secrets in “The Gilded Age.”

Egotism–
Do not be egotistic. If you find yourself using the pronoun “I” too much, change the topic of conversation to a less personal one.

Wit–
Be witty and amusing if you like, or rather if you can; but never use your wit at the expense of others.

Correct Speech–
Be careful to speak correctly yourself, but never take notice of the inaccuracies of either grammar or pronunciation of others.

Absent-Mindedness–
Do not appear to be preoccupied in the presence of others. Lord Chesterfield said: "When I see a man absent in mind, I choose to be absent in body."

Whispering In Company–
Never whisper in company. Neither engage a single individual in the discussion of matters which are not understood by the others present. 

Private Affairs Of Others–

Never directly or indirectly refer to the affairs of others which it may give them pain in any degree to recall.

Impertinent Questions–
Never ask impertinent questions; and under this head may be included nearly all questions. Some authorities in etiquette go so far as to say that all questions are strictly tabooed. Thus, if you wished to inquire after the health of the brother of your friend, you would say, " I hope your brother is well," not, " How is your brother's health?"

The Confidence Of Others–

Never try to force yourself into the confidence of others; but if they give you their confidence of their own free will, let nothing whatever induce you to betray it. Never seek to pry into a secret, and never divulge one.

Unpleasant Topics Of Conversation–

Never introduce unpleasant topics or describe revolting scenes in general company.

Giving Unsought Advice–
Never give officious advice. Even when your advice is sought, be sparing of it. 

Evil Speaking–
Never attack the characters of others in their absence; and if you hear others attacked, say what you can consistently to defend them.

–From E.B. Duffey's, “The Ladies' and Gentlemen's Etiquette: A Complete Manual of the Manners and Dress of American Society,” 1877 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J .Graber, is the Editor and Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia