Informal Dinner Setting and Etiquette

Second course: Informal dinners are very elastic. They may have as few as two courses but are usually limited to five. The soup course may well be omitted, especially if an appetizer is served first. At informal dinners the soup need not be served in the traditional flat soup plate.

At a semiformal company dinner party the silver is preferably sterling, but at a wholly informal or family dinner it may be a good plate or any of the wood or plastic-handled tableware in common use, so long as it is in good condition and all matching. 

Whatever the “silver,” it is placed one inch or so from the edge of the table at place settings that are equidistant from one another on a table laid with care and precision.

The napkin is placed on the place plate, unless the first course is in place, and then it is to the left of the forks, but it should not obscure them, nor should the silver be obscured by the plate.

On an informal table the other appointments are geared to the size of the table, the amount of service available-which may be none at all-and to the number to be seated. At a small, round table, for example, a centerpiece may prove impractical if meat and vegetables are to be served at table.

Perhaps all the table can conveniently hold at the center, in addition to the food, are the candlesticks or a single candelabrum. Candles may be in any color but should be above eye level and, if they are on the table at all, lighted.

The silver is whatever is needed for the meal, though many prefer to introduce the dessert silver with the dessert. Otherwise dessert spoon and fork or spoon alone may be above the plate.

The knives are usually limited to two-one for an appetizer, if any, one for the meat, as the informal dinner rarely has more than four courses. If salad is to be served with cheese a salad knife is needed. The silver is placed traditionally, that needed first, farthest right and left of the plate. The forks are usually two, for meat and salad, occasionally one more the meat fork, unless the salad is served as a first course in which case it is for an appetizer, but never more than three at once.

The salad fork is inside the first fork in the setting. At informal tables iced tea or iced coffee may be served but not at the same time as wine. The iced tea spoon is placed to the right of the knives. Sometimes the iced tea or coffee is on its own small serving plate, sometimes placed directly on the (treated) table or on a small coaster.

For iced coffee, cream and sugar are passed. Iced tea at a meal is best served sweetened and lemon-flavored and poured from a pitcher at the table over ice.

Spoons for soup or fruit are on the table, to the right of the knives. If hot coffee or tea is to be served at the table, during the meal or with or after dessert, the spoons for it are on the saucers, to the right of each cup handle.

Butter plates and knives are used with the butter knife placed in a variety of ways across the top of the plate, blade toward the user, completely free of salt after each use or the threading will corrode and the diner will get much more salt than he bargains for!

The informal diner expects to smoke at table if he is a smoker at all. Individual ash trays are best, but one larger one for each two guests is acceptable, too. Cigarettes may be on the ash trays or in any gay little container, such as an antique handleless teacup or a small, squat pottery or porcelain vase. Silver cigarette boxes are also used on informal tables. They may be large enough to contain cigarettes for the whole table, or individual matching ones at each place. Either way, individual packets of matches are on the ash trays.

When carving of meat is done at the table the carving set with the sharp ener is placed to the right of the carver above the place setting, so that when the roast is brought in the implements will be to the right of the platter.

When the hostess is to serve there are hot-plate mats, if necessary, in front of her place and to her right are arranged serving forks and spoons needed, the fork nested in the spoon. Silver (or china or glass) ladles for sauces are in the sauce when it is served, and the bowl or boat is on a serv ing plate. When jellies or condiments are in place on the table, to be passed, the spoon or fork for them is next to them on the table and is placed in them by the first person taking up the dish.

Wines at an informal meal are usually very simple at most two, perhaps sherry with the soup and one dinner wine throughout the meal. Wine glasses are placed in order of use. The sherry glass is above the knives, the wine glass to its right in a variety of positions. Sometimes the sherry glass is removed with the soup, sometimes it stays until dessert. At an in formal table the dinner wine glass remains throughout. Sometimes, depending on the menu, beer replaces wine. It may follow sherry, but no sweet wine or liqueur should follow it. It is served in tall, cone-shaped beer glasses, in mugs, steins, or any tall glass.

Sometimes demitasses are served at the table by the hostess or even hot tea, after the meal, at the table. The spoons are on the saucers, to the right of each cup handle. — Amy Vanderbilt’s New Complete Book of Etiquette - The Guide to Gracious Living, 1952

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