Whoopi Goldberg on Manners

I was given this book for the Etiquipedia library back in 2012 as a gift, but never opened it to really take a good look until this evening. We were pleasantly surprised and must say we have to agree with her take on manners!

Manners

You know, it's tough to see little courtesies, once so common in our lives, slide away like they have. Now, I call these courtesies little, but they aren't so little.

For instance, “please” and “thank you” are powerful words. You want something? Ask for it nicely. I don't care whether it's in the fanciest restaurant or at the counter of your favorite fast-food spot in the lunchtime rush, notice how adding a “please” at the end of your order can bring a smile? Or when a stranger takes a moment to stop and hold a door open for us, “Hey, thanks” matters. I know if I didn't say it, I wouldn't feel right. It's just an acknowledgment that you are paying attention.

It takes two seconds and it means the world.

So why aren't people bothering with manners anymore? I mean, we used to have them, right?

It starts young. For them, it's not so much that they're being rude. They don't know any better.

Kids learn by rote. Let's just say when children are around uncivil people—especially adults with no manners— well, do I need to tell you what hits the fan?

That's the sound we're hearing. And there's only two choices. Basic politeness and common courtesy, or rudeness and incivility.

Case in point: Let's take the health care debate. We saw people lose their minds! Really... People spitting on folks... Yelling ugly things-the N-word, the F-word... Sending death threats. You wonder... do these folks have kids? Do they care their kids might see them on TV or acting like asses? And are their kids going to grow up to reflect their parents' creepy behavior when they don't like what someone says?

When I was a kid, man, if you didn't say "please" or "thank you" or “excuse me" instead of "Huh?" some adult would come flying into that room and be all up in your face demanding to know if you had been brought up by savages!!!

And you had to be polite about stuff you hated. You were taught to at least be civil about that ugly, awful birthday present from some aunt you never heard of, but she was on the phone and you had to talk to her right then and say thank you, because your folks or the adults didn't want your bad manners to reflect on them.

Gadzooks. I mean, think about it. It was "”Yes, sir,” “No, ma'am,” and “Hello, Mr. and Mrs. So-and-so.” You'd never call an adult by their first name because it was considered disrespectful.

So when we grew up, a lot of us decided, “The hell with that. My kids will be raised not having to do those things. We will be friends and they will call my adult friends by their first names and I will reason with them and not sweat the manners so much."

That was a mistake because we didn't realize, with manners, we must start young. — From “Is It Just Me? Or is it nuts out there?” by Whoopi Goldberg, 2010

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia