Gilded Age Flirts vs Honorable Men

Depiction of a Gilded Age, “lounge lizard” or “slick, dandified cake eater” flirting with two young women.— If you are attracted toward a man who seems to you an embodiment of all that is noble and manly, you do injustice both to him and yourself if you do not, in some way entirely consistent with maiden modesty, allow him to see and feel that he pleases you. But you do not need our instructions, and we will only hint, in conclusion, that forwardness, flirting, and a too obtrusive manifestation of preference are not agreeable to men of sense. As a man should be manly, so should a woman be womanly in her love.” —Samuel R. Wells, 1887

“Women reach maturity earlier than men, and may marry earlier—say (as an average age), at twenty. The injunction, ‘Know thyself,’ applies with as much emphasis to a woman as to a man. Her perceptions are keener than ours, and her sensibilities finer, and she may trust more to instinct, but she should add to these natural qualifications a thorough knowledge of her own physical and mental constitution, and of whatever relates to the requirements of her destiny as wife and mother. The importance of sound health and a perfect development, can not be overrated. Without these you are NEVER fit to marry.

“Having satisfied yourself that you really love a woman—be careful, as you value your future happiness and hers, not to make a mistake in this matter—you will find occasion to manifest, in a thousand ways, your preference, by means of those tender but delicate and deferential attentions which love always prompts. ‘Let the heart speak.’ The heart you address will understand its language. Be earnest, sincere, self-loyal, and manly in this matter above all others. 

Let there be no nauseous flattery and no sickly sentimentality. Leave the former to fops and the latter to beardless school-boys. Though women do not ‘propose’ —that is, as a general rule—they ‘make love’ to the men, none the less; and it is right. The divine attraction is mutual, and should have its proper expression on both sides. If you are attracted toward a man who seems to you an embodiment of all that is noble and manly, you do injustice both to him and yourself if you do not, in some way entirely consistent with maiden modesty, allow him to see and feel that he pleases you. But you do not need our instructions, and we will only hint, in conclusion, that forwardness, flirting, and a too obtrusive manifestation of preference are not agreeable to men of sense. As a man should be manly, so should a woman be womanly in her love.” From “How to Behave,” by Samuel R. Wells, 1887

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