Boarding House Etiquette Humor

There are so many humorous news articles and so much ephemera on Boarding House manners and etiquette, living in one must have been challenging to those well versed in proper behavior. The above is from a late-1800’s post card. — “One of the refinements of table etiquette, in a boarding-bouse, is to inform the Landlady and your fellow-boarders when you've had enough to eat. The most delicate and approved manner of doing this is to tilt yourself back in the chair, spread your feet, yawn, stretch yourself, with both arms in the air, and wind up with a hearty grunt. Any gentleman who perfects himself in the practice of these rules of table etiquette would feel at home at a royal banquet at the court of St. James.”

The following observations concerning table etiquette in boarding-houses are worth committing to memory: 

ENTERING THE ROOM

If the door is ordinarily kept open, slam it shut after you ; if ordinarily kept closed, always leave it open. While approaching your place, regulate your gait so that you can carefully inspect every dish on the table before reaching your chair.

TAKING YOUR SEAT. 

In jerking out your chair, always knock it against another. If you're hungry; or in a great hurry, set your chair two teet from the table, so that you may get your mouth within four inches of your plate, and shovel the food in without loss of time. If you're not hungry , or not in a hurry, draw your chair close, so that you may rest both elbows on the table. In either case, if a lady occupies an adjoining seat, never fail to put one leg of your chair upon her skirts — it will attract her attention toward you as she rises.

GETTING HELPED AND HELPING YOURSELF. 

Presuming you are hungry— waste no time in recognizing the landlady, or any of your fellow-boarders but keep your eye on the waiters and call for two of them, at least. The instant you get soup, order fish; and when the fish is brought, order two kinds of meat — on different plates. (Something might give out, you know.) If you are smart, you can generally manage to help yourself to vegetables. The strong point on vegetables is to keep a dish of each within reaching distance; but sometimes you have to watch mighty close to preserve the best arranged semi-circle of vegetable dishes. 

If you are so unfortunate as to be beyond the reach of a castor, you must resort to strategy, and get a bottle from one and another, until you surround your plate with the desirable assortment of condiments. Never take salt from the cellar and put it on the table cloth, or upon the edge of your plate ; but dip your celery and meat into the main supply; this observation invests salt-cellars with a peculiar interest. Always be first in calling for dessert, lest you lose the chance of securing a double supply.

HOW TO EAT. 

The art of getting enough to eat, where there is a promiscuous assemblage of ladies and gentlemen, depends largely upon your skill in handling the knife and fork, and the capacity of your guzzle for unmasticated food. The latter qualification is a natural gift; but the knife and fork business, being entirely mechanical, any one who will keep his elbows six inches above the table and four inches (half the diameter of a dinner plate) inside the edge, will soon acquire freedom of motion and great proficiency in the use of those invaluable implements.

MISCELLANEOUS. 

Newspapers are allowable at the breakfast table, provided the reader turns his back toward one neighbor and puts his feet on the chair-rounds of the other. If no ladies are present except the landlady (and she is never a lady), it is preferable to draw a castor before you and tilt your paper against it. You can then swallow the news with your buckwheat cakes. 

Since two-pronged steel forks have got out of fashion, tooth-picking has become an embarrassing operation to those who have teeth. The prongs of the modern forks are too thick for the purpose and it has become necessary to resort to your pocket-knife, or incur the expense of carrying a quill. Some vulgarians are in the habit of taking a quill toothpick out of their pockets “on the sly,” and, concealing it in the hand, they relieve a suffering tooth without opening the mouth or attracting attention. This is barbarous. 

When you pick your teeth, everybody's attention should be directed to the occasion. You should either open your mouth wide, and use a penknife, or take a quill in one hand and raise a napkin to your nose with the other, as a flag of distress. 

One of the refinements of table etiquette, in a boarding-bouse, is to inform the landlady and your fellow-boarders when you've had enough to eat. The most delicate and approved manner of doing this is to tilt yourself back in the chair, spread your feet, yawn, stretch yourself, with both arms in the air, and wind up with a hearty grunt. Any gentleman who perfects himself in the practice of these rules of table etiquette would feel at home at a Royal banquet at the Court of St. James. – Sacramento Daily Union, 1872

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia