Madame Chic’s “Manners 101”

Communicate your grace by employing common courtesy on a daily basis.

Common Courtesy

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Common courtesies are the Manners 101 of the etiquette world. Sadly, it's a course that most of society is currently flunking. Common courtesy is saying “please” and “thank you.” Saying “excuse me” when you bump into someone. Holding the door open for the person behind you. Common courtesy should govern the way you interact with everyone from the grocery checkout person to the janitor at your office. I include common courtesy in this chapter on communication because manners communicate respect to other people.

Because common courtesy is so rare nowadays, your manners will stand out like a rare gem to the person you are extending them to. How many times have you seen someone completely ignore the grocery clerk as the person chats on the phone? I'm sure this irks the grocery clerk to not be acknowledged. None of us are too busy or important to acknowledge with eye contact or a smile the people with whom we interact.

Common courtesies include the manners we were taught as children. Whenever I hear someone say, “Give me a cup of coffee,” to a barista, I want to say, “What's the magic word?” “May I have a cup of coffee, please” is much more polite. When ordering at a restaurant, I used to say to the waiter, “I want.” One day my husband (who knew!) said to me, “‘I would like’ is a much better way to phrase your request.” Point taken. “I would like” does sound much more polite than “I want.”

Have you ever let someone into your lane and not been thanked with a wave? If you're driving and trying to get into a lane, have you ever had someone speed up so you couldn't get in? When we practice common courtesy, we can change the climate of our neighborhood and in our small way inspire others to do so as well. Just a small wave of thanks to another driver might make that driver more likely to let others into his or her lane in the future. You never know what a small wave could mean.

Perhaps every morning you pass a neighbor on the sidewalk who ignores you. You could consistently say good morning to that neighbor each day with a cheerful smile. Don't worry if the neighbor responds to you or not. That is none of your business, and don't take offense if he or she doesn't. You are “keeping your side of the street clean” by greeting your neighbor. Sometimes when I encounter a grumpy neighbor who is intent on staring at the sidewalk intensely rather than greeting me, I shrink back and think I better not. But this doesn't feel natural to me. It feels very unnatural to ignore my fellow man. So I always say “hi.” This usually brings the neighbor out of his or her funk, and that neighbor either says a belated “hello” or just looks at me in shock. Has life on earth become so impersonal that a simple greeting has be come shocking? Perhaps.

As a poised person, practice common courtesy. Don't worry what others are doing or not doing in your vicinity. They will either come around or they won't. The point is to not compromise your integrity. Don't let other people get you down! Communicate your grace by employing common courtesy on a daily basis. — From Jennifer L. Scott’s “Polish your poise with Madame Chic, 2015

When she arrived at Madame Chic’s Parisian apartment as a foreign exchange student, Jennifer Scott was a casual California girl who thought sweatpants were appropriate street attire. Madame Chic took Jennifer under her wing and tutored her in the secrets of how the French elevate the little things in life to the art of living. Years later, Jennifer was back in California with a husband, two young daughters, a dog, and her first home. Every day she confronted mundane duties like folding laundry and unloading the dishwasher, and she began to think about Madame Chic’s home—how the breakfast table was set beautifully the night before, the music that always played in the background, the calm of Madame and Monsieur Chic’s ritual cocktail hour together. Jennifer wanted that life. She decided to see what would happen if she didn’t perform her chores impatiently or mindlessly, if, instead, she could live like Madame Chic… This is just one of the books from her marvelous series.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia