Etiquette Necessities for the Schoolgirl

Social Amenities Young Girls Need

ONE of the first rules of etiquette that a younger girl has to learn is the acknowledging of invitations, accepting: or declining. An invitation should be answered at once, whether it be formal or informal, and must be answered in the same manner in which it is given. A formal luncheon invitation, “Miss Laura Smith requests the pleasure of Miss Barclay’s company at luncheon Friday, March 4, at one o’clock,” requires answering in the same formal fashion: “Miss Barclay accepts with pleasure (or regrets extremely that she is unable to accept) Miss Laura Smith's kind invitation for luncheon Friday, March 4, at one o'clock.”

If the invitation is for dinner it is worded precisely the same, with “dinner” substituted for luncheon and the different hour.
“My Dear Miss Barclay:—Will you give me the pleasure of your company at luncheon, most informally, Friday, March 4? Trusting that you have no engagement for that date and that I may surely see you, believe me, sincerely, Louisa Jones.” 

The acceptance or regret must be in precisely the same form, for there is no rule more strict than that invitation and answer shall have the same wording. Invitations given by telephone should always be followed by a note of invitation, but it is not necessary to write an answer to an invitation given by telephone. Like almost every rule of etiquette, there is a good reason for the written invitation following the telephone message, that it shall serve as a reminder of the day and hour. 

The prompt acknowledgment of any and every invitation is considered a mark of good breeding, and a young girl should never, be permitted to neglect her invitations. This winter many hostesses who gave dances, were so annoyed at the neglect to answer their invitations, that notes were sent asking the reason for the delay, and the girls who had not answered were severely criticised as not having understood one of the first rules of society.

The importance of a note of acknowledgment not only of an invitation but of courtesy received can not be overestimated, and the few graceful words of thanks for the pleasant evening pleases the hostess and gains for the young girl the reputation of having been well brought up and also of being appreciative—two most valuable assets. In these days, when attractive stationery can be bought for so little, every girl should take care to select attractive note paper. 

The cost of marking the address is also very trifling, and a dainty note, well written and well expressed, always makes a good impression upon the recipient. Small note paper and the oblong cards should always be kept at hand so there can be no excuse for not answering an invitation promptly or in acknowledging acts of courtesy or kindness, and just such trifling acts as these do more to make or mar a girl's popularity than she realizes.

Young girls should not send invitations in their own names to any entertainments formal enough to demand a written invitation. The invitation must be in the name of the girl’s mother, excepting in the case of a girl’s luncheon. This may seem somewhat arbitrary, but, like all accepted rules of etiquette, is eminently practical. The entertainment is provided by the mother; it is her house, and it is she who will receive the guests. Furthermore, for a young girl to send an invitation to a young man savors of independence and a lack of knowledge of what is considered good form.

The remark that such a girl is too “old fashioned” and “too particular” is never heard in that set of persons which has for generations been prominent socially and where rules and regulations, unwritten but understood, have and do prevail and where etiquette has been proved essential to a well ordered existence. – San Francisco Call, 1912

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia