Presidential Etiquette and Thanks

In 1840, gold table settings became Presidential campaign issue. Helping William Henry Harrison, a simple frontiersman, grab the Presidency from Martin Van Buren. When Benjamin Harrison, his grandson, won the Presidency later, his wife, Caroline Harrison, wanted new White House china that would be “symbolic and meaningful to Americans.”  The First Lady, knowledgeable of the expected social graces of the day, was an artist herself. She placed the Coat of Arms of the United States in the center of the plates, and designed a goldenrod and corn motif, etched in gold around a wide band of blue. The corn represents Mrs. Harrison's home state of Indiana. Forty-four stars, one for each state at the time, make up the inner border. Mrs. Harrison directed a large-scale remodeling effort of the White House, adding a china closet to display all past Presidential china services. Caroline Harrison was not able to use the china she had ordered, as she died before it was delivered. The china arrived in December 1892.

A Card of Thanks from the President

“I desire for myself and for the ladies of our party, to give an expression of our thanks for many individual acts of courtesy, which, but for the pressure upon our time, would have been specially acknowledged. Friends who have been so kind, will not, I am sure, impute to us any lack of appreciation or intended neglect. The very excess of their kindness has made any adequate, and much more, any particular, return impossible. You will all believe that there has been no purposed neglect of any locality or individual. We leave you, with all good wishes for the State of California and all her people.”

– Benjamin Harrison

Originally published May 4, 1891 in the Daly Alta News, California 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and a Royal Soup

A gratified Monarch, William I, or “William the Conqueror” reigned over England from 1066 to 1087  – In the famous “Bayeux Tapestry,” William the Conqueror is depicted enjoying a fine feast soon after his invasion of England in 1066. If you really wanted to fit into the Norman Court, you needed to mind your manners. You could learn the fine table manners of the day, from a number of etiquette manuals of that period. Daniel of Beccles’ 3000-line poem in Latin, “Urbanus Magnus” (The Book of the Civilised Man), provided an excellent guide to expected courtly behaviour. Medieval etiquette’s maxim was ‘A place for everyone and everyone in his place’. The advice Beccles wrote continues to be relevant; Don’t put your elbows on the table; Don’t lick your fingers; Don’t speak when your mouth is full. ; Belching and spitting were also frowned upon. Or at least if you were compelled to do either, it should be done in the correct manner. If you were to belch, you should look up to the ceiling ; You should never spit over the table but rather behind you or into a cloth; And you should never spit ‘like a rustic’ or ‘eat like a ploughman’. – from English Heritage.org

A Savory Soup Tickles His Palate — Changes Its Name 

William I had a fine sense of what was becoming at a royal table. He was so well pleased at one of his little dinners with a savory soup compounded by his cook, Tezelin, that he sent for him and asked how it was named. “I call it dillagrout” was the reply.” “A poor name for so good a soup” cried the King.  “Nathless”—everybody said “nathless” in those days— “we bestow upon you the manor of Addington.” – This manor, I may add, reverted to the Crown. In the reign of Henry III we find it in the hands of the Bardolfs, and held on the tenure of “making pasties in the King’s kitchen on the day of his coronation or providing someone as his deputy to make a dish called “grout,” and if suet (seym) was added, it was called “malpigernoun.” 

At James II’s coronation, the Lord of the Manor claimed to find a man to make a dish of grout in the royal kitchen and prayed that the King's cook might be the man. The claim was allowed and the claimant knighted. But what was this “grout?” Was it identical with Tezelin’s “dillagrout” and the Bardolfs’ “malpigernoun?” And was a pottage called “Bardolf,” of which a 14th century recipe has been printed by the Society of Antiquaries, identical with these? If so, as among the ingredients were almond milk, the brawn of capons, sugar and spices, chicken parboiled and chopped, etc., it was doubtlessly a dish for a King.— All the Year Round. – May 4, 1891

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Victorians and American Manners

The “insular British female” of a certain type, still holds her own and she is inveterate in her prejudices and as narrow in her views as her great-grandmother was a hundred years ago. To such a one, the sight of an attractive American is like the red flag shown to a bull.

The Adoption of American Manners Sometimes Causes Awkward Blunders

It certainly is a fact that in England nowadays, what are known as “American ways,” have obtained a widespread popularity among the ultra-fashionable people. Notwithstanding the decidedly radical change in British manners and customs during the last decade, the “insular British female” of a certain type, still holds her own and she is inveterate in her prejudices and as narrow in her views as her great-grandmother was a hundred years ago. To such a one, the sight of an attractive American is like the red flag shown to a bull. 

An English officer who has a sense of humor recently told a story of an amusing experience which befell him while traveling with his mother-in-law to the tidal train to Dover not very long ago. “It might be well to tell you in the first place,” he said, “that I am afraid, of the old lady, particularly as she holds the purse-strings and can visit my misdemeanors on my head in very unpleasing fashion. So I always make a point of carefully agreeing with her in every remark she makes, and of course while traveling, I am most obsequious. On this particular occasion I had hardly settled her comfortably in a first-class carriage when a party of travelers came breathlessly up to our compartment, and, in spite of mamma-in-law’s stony glare, proceeded to take possession of all the unoccupied seats. 

There were two ladies in the party, both young and exquisitely pretty and faultlessly dressed, and with them were a couple of men, who also were of very good form and wore irreproachable attire. They were in the gayest of moods, all chatting and laughing together and relating their various adveutures in just catching the train; and although they were most amiable about storing away their various effects out of our way and apologizing to us about crowding the carriage, I could see that my eminently conservative relative was not to be cajoled, and with every minute, she grew stonier and more haughty. “Objectionable Americans!” she muttered to me. “Are you sure they are U. S. A.’s?" I asked, sotto voce. “They are very pretty, and so well dressed.” “Oh, Americans are always that, in a kind of way. Look how underbred their whole style is, and compare them to well-born English women. Oh, they do grate on my nerves!” and she turned her back with obvious scorn upon the interlopers, who, after one or two civil remarks, took no further notice of us. 

“When we reached Dover, the young people bade us good-bye in kindly fashion, to which my relative vouchsafed no reply. “Thank  goodness, those vulgarians have gone!” was her parting fling as I betook myself to the telegraph office to wire to Paris for rooms. One of our quondam traveling companions was before me, and there lying on the desk was a telegram form scribbled over with a message it was impossible to avoid seeing. It was evidently addressed to the lady’s husband, and was signed by one of the proudest and best known names in England. Like a flash I realized who the whole party were, for I had seen many a photograph of the two lovely sisiers, who were among the most famous of our English beauties, and whose names were always to be found on the most exclusive lists in that upper stratum of society, which is the accepted, fashion-maker and guide to modern manners.” “What did your mother-in-law say?” asked his amused listener. “Never dared to tell her.” was the reply. “Such jokes are not for the impecunious and dependent son-in-law. I never even told my wife.” – New York Tribune, 1893

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Diplomacy vs School of Insults

In the world arena, our Secretary of State, thanks to a few blunt words, has so infuriated Canada that I am prepared to hear that our Northern neighbor is contemplating a wall to keep our dollars in and our citizens out. As for “le Grand Charles,” he has recently been so busy insulting his friends that he has had no time to dust off his enemies.

An ‘Insult School’?

The President of the United States has asked Congress to establish a National Academy of Foreign Affairs to train American diplomats just as diplomacy by insult appears to have reached its finest flower both here and abroad. Plain speech or the knuckle-duster approach in forcing relations has in recent weeks raised the hackles on nations that were, at least on the surface, kissin’s cousins. In the world arena, our Secretary of State, thanks to a few blunt words, has so infuriated Canada that I am prepared to hear that our Northern neighbor is contemplating a wall to keep our dollars in and our citizens out. As for “le Grand Charles,” he has recently been so busy insulting his friends that he has had no time to dust off his enemies. Khrushchev has violently denounced the Franco-West German rapprochement. And the third Afro-Asian Peoples Solidarity Conference, just to keep in practice, used the most insulting language to condemn Great Britain, France, the United States, the United Nations, Israel, Portugal and South Africa, to name a few. 

To Perfect The Insult? 

In suggesting a National Academy of Foreign Affairs, it is difficult to know whether the President is contemplating the perfection of the new insult technique or a return to old-fashioned diplomacy, once described as the ability “to do and say the nastiest things in the nicest way.” That ability “to do and say the nastiest things in the nicest way” kept the world wagging along on an uneven keel for centuries during which diplomacy was conducted behind closed doors. It was the rapier vs. the bludgeon approach, that has come to characterize “open diplomacy openly arrived at.” The demand for “open diplomacy openly arrived at” developed out of World War I, in a misguided belief that this was the only way to conduct foreign affairs in a democratic manner. In recent years, there has been a growing belief that perhaps a few closed doors in the conduct of foreign affairs is not a bad idea and that maybe — for once – Grandpa knew best. 

It Hasn't Worked Yet 

No one can honestly claim that open diplomacy openly arrived at has evened the world’s keel, prevented wars or endeared nations to one another in any noticeable degree. Probably its most notable contribution to the conduct of world affairs has been the introduction of the shoe as a diplomatic weapon or equalizer. Surely this nation has also reached a maturity that demands that the two major political parties stop regarding the big and important foreign posts as political plums. For 100 years diplomatic appointments to such foreign posts as London, Paris, Rome, Madrid and even Berlin – in the old days – have been handed out by Republicans and Democrats alike as rewards to the rich party faithfuls who contribute handsomely to the party war chests. The going price of London and Paris was pegged at a contribution of $50,000 some 30 years ago. How inflation has affected the asking price knoweth not. But is surely a preposterous way to run a railroad or a diplomatic service. – Inez Robb, 1963

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Streetcar Manners Fine

He was one of that class of men who sit, utterly regardless of the rights and comforts of others. His kind abound in all public places and especially in street cars and in railroad cars. One of his pleasures is to occupy seat space large, enough for two. Sprawling out and crossing his legs are little diversions of his. 

Bad Feet Manners

A Brooklyn magistrate has imposed a fine of $10.00 on a man for crossing his legs on a street car. He merits the honor of a modern Daniel. The culprit who faced the justice was merely typical of the large class of men. He was one of that class of men who sit, utterly regardless of the rights and comforts of others. His kind abound in all public places and especially in street cars and in railroad cars. One of his pleasures is to occupy seat space large, enough for two. Sprawling out and crossing his legs are little diversions of his. 

His brother is the end-seat hog who infested the old-fashioned open cars and his sister is the stony faced woman who permits her young hopeful for whom she has paid no fare, to occupy all of one seat, stand on it, wipe his sticky hands on the people in front of him and his feet against the clothes of all who happen to pass by the seat. In the case of the man in Brooklyn, a determined woman brought him to grief and incidentally before the magistrate, who assessed the fine against him. It is to be hoped there will be hundreds of other determined women who will take similar action and who will in the end be able to make these ill-mannered men conduct themselves rightly. – The Morning Union, 1912

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Ballerina Applauds Etiquette

Small, black hair, a crisp English accent, expressive features, vivacious, so unpretentious you can hardly believe she is connected with the egotistical world of the stage, she is the first who put in a good word for American audiences. She explains: “In London, they applaud, certainly.” Setting down her teacup, she pats her palms together to show what she means. “But they applaud at the end, it may be for 10 minutes but it comes at the end. And if anyone at all applauds in between, he’s sure to be shushed.”– Renowned British ballerina, Dame Margot Fonteyn

Toes to the Grindstone...

She Applauds Theater Etiquette

“It does not” . . . with a sharp, clipped, emphatic “not”. . . “upset us to be applauded and I want people to know it,” says Margot Fonteyn. Star of the famous Sadler’s Wells Ballet company, she is the first person among many who put in a good word of this kind for American audiences. She explains: “In London, they applaud, certainly.” Setting down her teacup, she pats her palms together to show what she means. “But they applaud at the end, it may be for 10 minutes but it comes at the end. And if anyone at all applauds in between, he’s sure to be shushed.” “Here in America,” she continues happily, “the audiences applaud the scenery when the curtain first goes up, they applaud the dancer when she first appears, they applaud any difficult step. They applaud at the end, too, but in between is just as delightful to us.” When she returns to her tea, it’s time to make a note: Small, black hair, a crisp English accent, expressive features, vivacious, so unpretentious you can hardly believe she is connected with the egotistical world of the stage. 

But make a further note: English though she is, you can't do her justice in English, you have to resort to other courtly, romantic languages: She is prima ballerina assoluta, she is petite, she is sans pareil. Miss Fonteyn does little or nothing except dance. She must sleep, to be sure, and she eats, but only a little. She has a one-track life. “Recreation none,” says the English “Who's Who.” She took one trip to Coney Island, but for the sake of the record, not for amusement; she is a dancer who keeps her toes to the grindstone. Though she could no doubt do her roles in “Swan Lake,” “Sleeping Beauty,” “Les Sylphides” and other classics in her sleep, she still must rehearse. When you see her do a difficult step in the course of an evening, it is at least the third or fourth time she has done it that day, at a rehearsal and, always when there is time, in the last intermission before the step is danced. “We rehearse,” she says, “not in the hope that anything will go perfectly, but just so that only a minimum of things go wrong.” Furthermore, she's always ready at curtain time. – (UPI) New York, 1953

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Doily Diplomacy

Doilies under finger bowls are for table beautification only, not for use as napkins – Butler preparing the table for a very formal affair, using a candelabra, cutlery and silver that were sent to Washington in 1893 for the British Embassy in Washington D.C. – Photo source, Home and Design Magazine

The Diplomatic Mrs. Morton

A pretty story is told of Mrs. Morton’s tact and courtesy, quite equal to the tradition of Lady Washington’s crushing a tea-cup on purpose to relieve the embarrassment of the guest who had inadvertently broken one of her eggshell cups, in his large and careless hand. Mrs. Morton has a set of exquisitely painted doilies from the atelier of a noted Paris artist. One of her political dinner guests, after dipping his fingers in the finger bowl, drew out the priceless filmy square, and crushed it into a ball, trying to dry his hands as he talked learnedly with his hostess. Mrs. Morton smiled with a serenity for which, it is hoped, the recording angel will give her credit and said, “Such flimsy doilies are useless —let me give you another— but you know it’s the fashion.” And the grateful politician accepted the napkin and never knew his mistake.—New York Sun, 1893

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Skirt Dancing

“When she danced in America in 1888, the critics were surprised to see a dancer who did not show her legs and breasts.” –Popular British “Skirt Dancer,” Letty Lind (source Wikipedia) 

Skirt dancing was a huge craze, popularized by dancers Kate Vaughan and Letty Lind, until around 1910. Fusing modesty and elements like the grace of ballet and footwork of step-dancing. Step-dancing was seen as lacking in grace and considered “common.” A dancer’s skill in the manipulation of up to 12 metres of fabric in the skirt of her costume was key. According to Wikipedia, “Skirt dancing’s advantage over ballet was that people could do it at home, and it became popular among all social classes. Lind was able to differentiate herself from other skirt dancers because she had the benefit of classical training that most of them did not, and she often added an acrobatic touch to the end of her dances.”

Skirt Dancing In Private Life 

Fashionable women are not all of them contented with society dancing. The interest in skirt, serpentine and Spanish dancing has been a caprice of the last two seasons, which is still in strong evidence. “I have on my books,” said one of the most prominent teachers of skirt dancing, “the names of many women who are well known in New York society. They come, some of them, under assumed names, and many of them with any excuse except the frank one of wanting to learn how to do the dance.” It is true, however, that many women do undertake stage dancing because they consider it excellent gymnastic exercise and beneficial to their health. Others practice it in connection with their Delsarte course. Others still think the supple movements will improve their gait and carriage, and still others take a serious and thorough course to reduce their weight. 

In the practice for skirt dancing, every muscle of the body is brought into active play, and superfluous flesh is kept down. Several well known New York actresses, whose duties never call for any sort of dancing, are adepts in the skirt steps, having learned them for this very purpose—to counteract a tendency to stoutness. “Women of all ages, from 16 to 50, are found in my classes, and the elder women are, many of them, as light and graceful as their younger classmates. All fancy they have a talent for the work, and many give evidence of having practiced at home before taking lessons. There are a number of small women's clubs and coteries of intimates whose existence is not suspected outside the initiated, at whose gatherings the skirt dance is done with varying proficiency by different members. Two that meet in lovely rooms on the top floor of Murray Hill homes count some of my pupils among their members, and they are delightful dancers. The devotion to skirt dancing has grown much this season over last, and the caprice shows no sign of abatement.” —New York Times, 1893

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Regrets and Rudeness

“You can only imagine what a shock and damper hilarity would receive at a dinner table arranged for 30 or more, with only four or five present.” 

Dinners and Dinner Etiquette

A certain keen observer of social fads and whims has been lamenting the winter fashion of not sending regrets to an invitation, until the day of the event or the day before. She relates an actual incident which occurred not long ago, when a hostess sent out 25 dinner invitations, and receiving no replies, ordered plates to be served for that number with the necessary preparations. Not until that very day did she receive replies, and, as our critic observed, “You can only imagine what a shock and damper hilarity would receive at a dinner table arranged for 30 or more, with only four or five present.” 

Another common breach of etiquette which one entertaining much deplores is the easy familiarity with which many try to squeeze in a friend or relative. It is an actual fact that one who had set the utmost limit to the number she could accommodate at an afternoon affair was completely nonplused to find that many of the replies proposed bringing a friend, with the apology, “I know you won't mind.” This would not matter at a large reception, but at many other social affairs, even one extra is a serious disadvantage.—London Standard, 1893

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Refined Men

The Knights of the Urn

Called “fops” or “metrosexuals” by many in other eras, and counterparts to the masculine, female “mashers,” the accomplished, “sissy” men are geniuses at entertaining, with doylies, china and velvet rugs. Is it any surprise that these geniuses exist? Not to Etiquipedia... Throughout time, the most coveted valets and butlers, famous chefs, fashion icons, noted artists and designers have been men!

“As a contrast to the masculine girl and her swagger, it might be pertinent to present the ‘sissy man’ and his affectations. You see this rare exotic in full bloom at those essentially feminine ceremonies known as five-o’clock teas, where nothing sweetened and tied up with a bow furnishes the repast, where soft light filters through rose-hued shades over fair faces and aestheticism revels in daintiness galore. The ‘sissy man’ has his prototype in Paris and in London, and one of his chief characteristics is his devotion to the married women, particularly if she has a monster of a husband that can’t understand Browning and had rather shovel coal than read Rossetti. The ‘sissy’ makes it a point to calmly ignore the husband, who would kick him out for his impertinence only that he knows what a harmless little lamb he is and thinks it would be needlessly cruel. 

He knows, according to the New York Sun, more about the code of candy giving and the etiquette of flowers than he does about the constitution of the United States. He has his sweet apartments, where the foot sinks noiselessly into velvet rugs and the walls are draped with sigh-away tints and hung with Pre-Raphaelite etchings. He gives his dear little teas, where the china is exquisite, the appointments elaborate and beautiful. He is up on doylies, and knows all about linen and silver. He persuades his married divinity to preside at the urn and gives himself up to the perfect ecstasy of adoring and serving her. 

We dare say, Carson the Butler would approve! Above- Chocolate spoons in ramekins awaiting pots de crème or chocolate soufflés. Indeed, due to their size and shape, chocolate spoons would just not do for teacups and saucers! – A nice old lady who was invited to one of these teas, went early because she thought the poor fellow wouldn’t have enough spoons and napkins, but looked on in amazement while the host made delicious cream things in a silver chafing dish and apologized for the stupidity of his servant, who gave someone a chocolate spoon with a teacup!

A nice old lady who was invited to one of these teas, and went early because she thought the poor fellow wouldn’t have enough spoons and napkins, or think to dust the glassware, and would be terribly upset and frustrated, looked on in amazement while the host made delicious cream things in a silver chafing dish and apologized for the stupidity of his servant, who gave someone a chocolate spoon with a teacup. And when he began telling how he had a dinner served for four every night, whether he invited any guests or not, and that there was the same order of service and quite as elaborate a menu when he dined quite alone, as when his most honored guests were at the feast, because that was the proper way to train servants and manage a household. ” – Daly Alta, 1893

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Washington’s Princess

A favorite of the press for flouting the expected etiquette and social norms of the era, Alice Roosevelt (daughter of U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt), made society page headlines with antics that would make some of today’s vulgar reality show “stars” blush. Taking every advantage of her wealth and beauty as a debutante in the Gilded Age’s aristocratic society, the press soon dubbed her “Princess Alice.” Commenting on her every move,  even a shade of blue-gray, which was reportedly her preferred color, was popularized in the news as “Alice blue” and later immortalized by a song it inspired, “In My Sweet Little Alice Blue Gown.” After her 1906 marriage to an Ohio State Representative, Nicholas Longworth, she devoted more time to politics, and less to society, though her personality changed little. Her scathing imitation of her first cousin, Eleanor Roosevelt, was a popular social entertainment in Republican circles, and she purportedly kept a embroidered pillow in her home which read, “If you can’t say something good about someone, sit right here by me.”  Alice remained active in political circles long after her husband’s death, earning her the nickname, “Washington’s other monument.”  Her continued commentary, biting wit and gossip on the D.C. political scene, kept Alice in the news well into her later years. She passed away in 1980.

“Strenuous Princess” Alice Jarred Prohibition Women

There is something courageous in the bellicose attitude of the ladies of the Kentucky Prohibition party who have had the temerity to criticise the President’s daughter in a set of resolutions. Though everybody should have proper respect for the President and his family, there is often a tendency to toadyism and undue obeisance. The Kentucky delegation of women Prohibitionists were recently incensed to discover that some of the “mere men” of the party had invited Mrs. Alice Roosevelt Longworth to attend the Prohibitionist Convention at Columbus, Ohio, as Kentucky’s Guest of Honor. As soon as this matter was brought to the attention of the ladies they passed some resolutions to the effect that Mrs. Longworth would not be welcome because she had attended the Lexington horse-races with a well-known man of the world, because she smokes cigarettes, and because she lately forgot her years and dignity so far as to place a tack on a chair in the gallery of the House at Washington, causing much pain and annoyance to a diplomatic visitor.

There was a great buzzing of voices to prevent the adoption of the resolution, for fear it might be construed as an insult to the President, but the resolution was passed, and the friends of the Princess were mortified. It may be that the incident is to be regretted, but if a President will give the country his strenuous daughter, she can hardly expect any other than a strenuous handling. Kentucky women are accustomed to high ideals, having been reared in an atmosphere of chivalry where etiquette and the proprieties of life have found their most delicate bloom. They can not tolerate the hoiden, or any woman whose ideas of a good time, find materialization in school-boy pranks of a character likely to cause a distinguished diplomat to spring through the ceiling or to die of lockjaw from the presence of a tack which catches its victim in the manner that the Princess caught hers. 

Possibly Mrs. Longworth is to be excused for her strenuous joking, and it is probable that the desire to catch unsuspecting quarry may have been inherited from her father, who has been trapping and hooking and shooting game for many years. The ladies of Kentucky are to be congratulated at any rate for having the courage of their convictions and refusing to tremble in the presence of the daughter of a President, when it recognizes as Princely qualities nothing that falls short of the best breeding, in the most refined American homes.— Sacramento Union, 1908

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Correct Gilded Age Dining

Above– An orange spoon with a gilded bowl, an orange peeler knife, a fruit knife and a citrus peeler. All 4 were helpful Victorian Era dining tools. – “The Ladies’ Home Journal affirms that the daintiest way to eat an orange is from a fork—that is, the skin and its coarse white lining are pared off with a sharp fruit knife, the orange is stuck on a fork and is eaten exactly as one would eat an apple.”

At the Table – The Correct Way of Serving and Eating Various Dishes

It is not an easy thing to eat an orange gracefully. The Ladies’ Home Journal affirms that the daintiest way to eat an orange is from a fork—that is, the skin and its coarse white lining are pared off with a sharp fruit knife, the orange is stuck on a fork and is eaten exactly as one would eat an apple. Cheese, says the same authority, may be taken between the fingers, or it may be put on a bit of bread with a knife and eaten on that, but a fork is not used with it. Artichokes are, of course, eaten with the fingers, each leaf being dipped in the dressing. 

All pastry is eaten from a fork, and it is an insult to the cook to touch it with a knife. In fact, your knife has no use, except for cutting or buttering something, and when it is resting, it should he laid sideways on your plate. Every vegetable can be eaten with a fork, the uses of a spoon being limited to a few desserts and for your coffee or teacup, and there its place is to repose in the saucer. Bouillon is drunk from the cups in which it is served; when it is jellied, it is eaten with a dessert spoon. Nothing excuses the chasing of a small particle of something to eat around your plate to polish it up. The old idea that one must eat every thing that is given to one no longer exists and the result is that children are not made gluttons. 

In drinking, remember to hold your goblet or wine glass by the stem, and not by the bowl. While watermelon is eaten with a fork, cantaloupe has served with it a dessert spoon. As it is customary nowadays, to have the salt served in open salt-cellars, it maybe mentioned that in helping one’s self, the salt should be put near the outer edge of one’s plate. In leaving the table it is not necessary to fold your napkin; instead, just as you rise, lay it on the table. – Red Bluff Daily News, 1892

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Watering Hole Etiquette

Perhaps the most famous of Abyssinian elephants was “Jumbo.” Captured by Arab traders in 1861, and after trading hands several times, he wound up in England, before he was purchased by P.T. Barnum, resulting in a great public outcry in Victorian England. Eventually, he was moved to the U.S. He died in 1885 after being hit by a train. – Photo from “Poor Dear Jumbo”: Elephants, Empire and Empathy in Victorian Britain – Describing actions of the Victorian public after the popular elephant was first sold... “To ease Jumbo’s pain, zoo visitors regaled the elephant with copious cakes and pastries, either delivering these treats in person or sending them in the post. ‘Some nurses at a London hospital’ sent Jumbo a ‘box containing sponge-cakes and gingerbread’. Another female – ‘one who rode on your back as a child’ – forwarded Jumbo a generous slice of her wedding cake, a delicacy with symbolic resonance, since Jumbo himself was about to be separated from his ‘little wife’, the female elephant Alice. ‘May you enjoy my wedding cake’, read the accompanying letter, ‘and never have to part from your Alice’. Other Britons demonstrated their solidarity with Jumbo in even more bizarre ways. A lady whose husband had recently died sent ‘a parcel of crape and widow’s weeds’ to Alice, ‘that she might mourn over her bereavement’. One man christened his son ‘Jumbo’ in the elephant’s honour, while another more practical individual sent Jumbo ‘a box 2 feet square, full of corrective pills’ to prevent nausea during his transatlantic voyage.”

Stand Aside for Elephants

🐘🦏🦒🦓🐘🦏🦒🦓🐘🦏🦒🦓

Animals of the Jungle Have Well-Recognized Etiquette Observed at Drinking Places

A moving picture firm has been taking some remarkable pictures at a watering-hole in Abyssinia of animals which come there from miles around to quench their thirst. It is the etiquetteof the Jungle for the elephant to drink first. No matter how many animals are around the water-hole, they all stand aside for the greatest beast of all. Many of the animals come 40 or 50 miles for a drink, and there is a truce between even the most deadly enemies. After the elephant, comes the rhinoceros. Although most of the other animals observe the water-hole truce faithfully, two rhinos will fight over their precedence. 

The cinematograph operator obtained wonderful pictures of two of these huge animals going at it hammer and tongs. The fight only ended with one of the animals being killed. When the rhinoceros had finished, the giraffes drink their fill, followed by zebras. Zebras always travel is herds, and sometimes 40 or 50 will arrive at the water-hole at a time. According to the etiquette of the jungle, however, they only come in fourth for the drinking stakes. The first foul animals are mixed in order, but the rest get a drink just how and when they can. —Pearson’s Weekly, 1912

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Transit Etiquette of Two Cities

A United Railways of St. Louis, “Moonlight Car” from 1908.  The term “Moonlight Car” in St. Louis has been handed down since the company operated on pleasure trips and amusement park traffic. It was a special type of railroad car, constructed with a canvas roof, which could be rolled back. As the canvas was seldom ever rolled back, when 20 similarly constructed were later built, they were constructed with a permanent roof.

Street Railway Etiquette in Two Cities

In the St. Louis Post Dispatch one finds an instructive advertisement, filling a whole page and setting forth, to the accompaniment of attractive illustrations, the code of streetcar etiquette that should govern travel in that much favored city, as laid down by the United Railways of St. Louis. It is the unexpected that happens in St. Louis, for, strange to say, the etiquette of transportation there does not govern merely the unhappy passengers and straphangers, but includes likewise important rules which the advertising corporation feels bound to respect. “The first consideration of  a street railway,” says this astonishing advertisement, “should be the safety, comfort and convenience of its passengers.” 

Just think of that, and think what might happen in San Francisco should the United Railroads feel bound by the same rule. Passengers on the Sutter Street line would find themselves switched on to Market Street without transfer and would be delivered from the musty, fusty old horse-cars that constitute the reproach of our main thoroughfare. Apparently the etiquette of street railroading that governs the local corporation, is expressed and limited by the injunction; “If you don't like it, you can get off and walk.” It may be that the policy of the St. Louis company is wiser. It will not pay a public service, corporation, as a general thing to cultivate the hostility of a whole community by wanton outrage! – San Francisco Call, 1908

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette from Mrs. Adams

“In the days of Louis XIV and XV, fans glistened with gilding and gems, and were ornamented by Boucher and Watteau. These works of art were often sold at as high a figure as $75. The Chinese and French are the great rivals in fan making. To such a degree of excellence has it arrived in France, that a fan selling for one cent, goes through twenty different operations, performed by as many pairs of hands.” -The Origins of Fans, 1878

On Fans

Dear Mrs. Adams– 

Please tell me the proper way fans are carried or worn at formal gatherings. –An Interested Reader

Sometimes the fan is worn on a chain, and then again, it is merely carried in the hand.

On Correct Dress 

Dear Mrs. Adams– 

Kindly inform me as to the correct dress, hat, shoes, etc., for a woman who rides horseback. –A Reader 

The most sensible outfit is of rough woolen goods, the skirt divided if you ride astride, saddle-back otherwise, with no superfluous material. The coat should be strictly mannish in cut, that is cut away at the lower edge in rounded lines. The pique or linen stock collar, with a plain pin, is the most suitable style to wear, with a shirtwaist underneath the coat. 

The derby hat for women is now low crowned and has quite a wide straight brim; but if this style is not becoming to you, a plain velour felt or beaver shape is just as good. It can be kept on the head firmly by a broad elastic band and hatpin. Riding gloves should be quite large, and can be either the gauntlet or the regular short type. With this costume a riding crop is necessary, and also boots, either tan or black, patent leather or calfskin. Comfort should be your first consideration, and a neat, modish appearance your second. – San Francisco Call, 1911

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Observations of Chinese Etiquette

The queue was a specifically male hairstyle worn from the mid-1600s to the early 20th century and abolished (almost forcibly in many areas) in 1912. The queue started with hair on the front of the head being shaved off above the temples every ten days and the remainder of the hair was braided into one long braid.  Originally worn by the Manchu people from central Manchuria, the queue was later imposed on the Han Chinese during the Qing dynasty. - Photo source Pinterest

“Is this the proper thing to do?”
By Nellie M. Stevenson

Here are some interesting impressions for the newcomer to China: An entire readjustment of self to conditions seems necessary. One is constantly asking, “Is this the proper thing to do?” or “Is this the proper thing to wear?” To meet a gentleman of one’s acquaintance on the street and to pass without speaking, would be an unpardonable breach of etiquette, according to our Western custom, but here even a nod to one’s husband seems a sin. 

To our Western eyes nothing is better suited to street wear than a closely-fitting tailor suit, but such a style must he tabooed here if one is to be quite respected. “Don’t wear thin waists outside of the compound,” for such is not in keeping with Chinese ideas of modesty. “Don’t wear elbow sleeves when your teacher is giving a lesson.” Chinese women do not cross their arms in such fashion. “Don’t wear your hair in braids coiled about your head,” for if the Chinese appear before you with their queues wrapped about their heads, it is a sign of disrespect. “Don’t shake hands with a Chinese man” as it would surely mean loss of reputation. 

Are there any more “Don’ts?” Yes! “Don’t go outside the door without your sun hat,” “Don’t go outside the compound in the evening, for the tigers will be apt to eat you.” "Don’t brush against the cacti growing along the road,” for the lepers brush against them.” “Don’t eat uncooked green things unless they grow in your own garden.” These and many more, but soon one does not really mind them, and takes them largely as a matter of course, just as he does quinine, with a wry face sometimes, but with the consciousness that it will do you good. 

Each day brings some new interesting experience. One cool day I noticed people walking along the street with their sleeves over their noses and mouths. I thought this was because of toothache until, seeing so many doing it, I inquired and found out that they did not like to breathe fresh air. — Published in the Eagle Rock Sentinel, 1928

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and Little Annoyances

There always will be individuals who are selfishly centered and who see nothing beyond their own little circles. Let me urge you to a careful self-examination. If you have any annoying habits, begin now to correct them. Help to decrease the appalling number of little annoyances that exist in everyday life.

Advice on Social Customs

Mrs. Chester Adams most cordially invites her friends to bring to her their Social Problems and Perplexities by letter at any time!

HAVE you ever had your nerves worn to shreds by the unthinking actions of a friend or a stranger in your vicinity? I wish to talk to you today of little annoyances that, separately considered, seem very trifling and too small to object to, but when taken in a collective group, lead on to wide fields of discussion.

There’s the tapping or drumming with fingers or any object on a table, the back of a chair or a door. It may serve for an outlet of nervous energy on the part of the drummer, but what does it do to the hearers? I am not naturally nervous, but I know others who are, and a few can be worked into a state of exhaustion and nervous despair at the hands of a thoughtless person. There is the keynote of our little talk, thoughtlessness. The man or woman who bangs the door, who rattles the boxes in the cupboard or who kicks the car seat on which you happen to be, does not think of the effect of his or her actions on other people. But he should. 

No one who is a single atom in the great mass of humanity can act alone and without a certain amount of influence on others around him. No one has a right to annoy others and then plead as lack of thought. Every person has rights that must be respected by his neighbors. In no other way can there be social harmony. The law has taken some points into its own hands. A barking dog and an annoying boy are now, in most places, legally restrained to keep the peace. But there are still culprits and disturbers of the peace that should be checked in their thoughtless careers. Are you one of the forgetful ones? Do you talk at the top of your voice, at all hours and in all places? Do you push others in a crowd? Do you drum on the window pane in a car? 

Do not make the mistake of thinking that only one instance is met in a day. I know of one woman who made her first trip into the country after a complete nervous breakdown. She arrived after a journey of five hours, a physical wreck. Later on, when she was able to recall that trip, she said that the whole thing was “a nightmare of annoyances.” A little boy drummed at her back; a man rattled a newspaper with maddening frequency, and finally rolled it up to beat a tattoo on the glass. Two young girls chattered and giggled so that she wanted to scream, and one woman insisted upon conversing with her about ill health. It took one week to place that weary traveler back in fair condition. The people didn't think. 

There always will be individuals who are selfishly centered and who see nothing beyond their own little circles. Let me urge you to a careful self-examination. If you have any annoying habits, begin now to correct them. Help to decrease the appalling number of little annoyances that exist in everyday life.– San Francisco Call, 1911

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Royal Poise and Etiquette

The author is correct. All 4 of the Crawley women do appear a bit awkward in this early press photo from Downton Abbey– They look uncomfortable in their long gloves. They should be clasping the finger tips together when standing. It would be a less unattractive pose. - Photo source, Pinterest

“But what shall I do with my hands?” asks the girl who is conscious of this part of her body when she is in the drawing-room. She should try folding them together in her lap when she is seated and clasping the finger tips together when standing. This position is, of course rather stiff when assumed by an awkward girl. But it is the least unattractive pose for her to begin with, and gradually she will find herself unconsciously assuming characteristic poses which are more or less graceful.

The same teacher finds that nearly every member of her classes in deportment needs to be told how to enter and leave a room. American girls have been severely criticised after they have been out in society, for their bad manners upon ceremonious occasions. Those who are presented at court have to be instructed in every detail of entering a room, withdrawing from it, managing a long train and particularly in walking backward as they must do in the presence of royalty. It is astonishing how few girls and women there are, who can walk backward, even for a few steps, without cutting an awkward figure. In many of the best schools, girls are now taught these simple rules of court etiquette. For one never knows who may be favored by an invitation to appear before royalty.

Fancy dancing and the making of bows and curtseys, help to improve the carriage and poise. And they also teach one how to carry one’s self correctly while facing the hostess and taking one’s departure at the same time. Almost any exercise which develops grace and cultivates self-possession is helpful along this line. For this reason, girls are learning a greater variety of fancy dances than during their class work last year, and gymnasium work, that makes for grace quite as much as physical development, is having unusual stress laid upon it this winter. If when greeting a friend the head and shoulders are brought forward from the waist without bending them the entire figure assumes a new expression. It seems to denote a graciousness that can not be expressed by shoulders and head kept in the same vertical plane with the rest of the body. The forward movement means graciousness, while the stiffer position means awkwardness and ungraciousness.

Over-cordiality is not considered in good taste, except among intimate friends and families, but graciousness is never out of place. It is not easy to express however, without words. This can be done without exaggeration by this simple change of position, and usually the art is taught in the dancing class or in special deportment lessons. Much has already been said about the American girl’s walk. It has been called ungraceful, too athletic, and many more similar things. In spite of foreigners’ disapproval of her carriage, the American girl has a freedom in her walk as she swings along the avenue that is not without attraction. With head held up, shoulders bent ever so slightly forward, she walks with a quick, firm step. In the country she is permitted to swing her arms for exercise. Physicians claim that this part of the walking exercise is most beneficial, because the constant movement expands the lungs and makes deep breathing necessary.

Each step should be taken from the hips, not from the knees. A knee walk is awkward, incorrect and does not give the proper exercise, and, above all, it is tiring. For the drawing room the out door athletic stride must be toned down considerably. There are physical instructors who find it necessary to caution their girls about walking athletically when in the city. They feel nervous and ill at ease if they are compelled to walk sedately into a drawing-room with their hands and arms in repose after they have grown accustomed to swinging them freely. The teacher must decide whether it is wiser to suggest giving up the athletic, outdoor style for the indoor, or to sacrifice the drawing-room repose for the outdoor freedom. With a little training, however, it should not be too difficult for girls to walk in both of these approved fashions and to express the greatest possible freedom in their sports and games and walks, for, after all, these help toward the cultivation of future grace. – San Francisco Call, 1911

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette, Poise and Queenliness

“The girl who attracts pleasant attention is the one who holds her head tilted upward, as though she were unafraid of the world and who looks at you fearlessly, but without boldness.” 

There seems to be a fad for walking and standing with the chin down. This is wrong, both from an artistic point and from a health one. The girl who attracts pleasant attention is the one who holds her head tilted upward, as though she were unafraid of the world and who looks at you fearlessly, but without boldness.

A fashionable girl of prominence here, never forgot that the well poised head meant queenliness, and probably her name will go down in history as one whose pose expressed this rare attribute. Even now, when other young women are affecting the artistic drooping pose, she continues to hold her imperious, litte head high in the air. - San Francisco Call, 1911

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Proper Carriage and Posture

One of the first lessons the young girl learns in fashionable deportment is how to stand correctly. If 10 or 20 girls are asked to take a standing position in a drawing room with nothing to occupy their hands, there may be two or three out of the number who will fall into graceful and attractive positions.

The Charm of Gentle Manners

Deportment is a gentler course in the training of young girl than physical culture. Physical training, however, forms a large part of the foundation upon which good manners are built. The girl who carries herself gracefully on all occasions is like an accomplished actress— has mastered the art which conceals art. Her rhythmic movements, her attractive poses have been so carefully studied that they seem to be perfectly natural. 

One of the first lessons the young girl learns in fashionable deportment is how to stand correctly. If 10 or 20 girls are asked to take a standing position in a drawing room with nothing to occupy their hands, there may be two or three out of the number who will fall into graceful and attractive positions. The others will lean on one foot, drop the arms awkwardly at the side, hold the head at an unbecoming jangle or illustrate any one of the countless other “don'ts” which the young girl must learn to avoid before she is ready to make a good favorable impression in the drawing-room and ballroom.  

Even a wallflower may be decorative if she knows how to stand and sit without expressing in her pose the anxiety of her mind. She can not be an ornament if she is the least bit awkward. The correct standing position, whether one is chatting with a friend in the street in class or in the ballroom, is to balance easily on the balls of the feet, with the body poised in such a way that a quick movement backward or forward can be made without, causing discomfiture to one's self or one’s neighbor. While resting in this position one should always be on the alert for change of position. Do not stand with one knee slightly bent, as so many girls stand unconsciously. They think that standing first on one foot and then on the other, rests them, but it makes them grow tired quicker than if they stood twice as long, balanced evenly on both feet.

Standing on one foot gives the figure a one sided appearance. It makes one hip look larger than the other, one shoulder seems to droop below its mate, and altogether the position throws the body into unsymmetrlcal lines and curves. Keep the knees stiff. This will prevent the one sided effect. One instructor told her girls: “Stand on your bones,” meaning that they should stand with the knee joints rigid and the whole weight of the body evenly distributed on the two feet. As soon as you shift the weight from one foot to the other, you begin to tire yourself and look awkward. Almost any girl will be able to stand in this correct position for a long time without feeling fatigued in the least. And for classwork, this point is well worth remembering, if it has not already been brought to your attention. The girl who is restless when she stands is a burden to herself and a worry to her companions.

Sitting is more of an art than the average girl imagines. The untrained girl drops into a chair and gets out of it any way, but the trained girl becomes a part of the chair when she is seated. First, she learns how to walk up to it, facing the chair, how to swing her body as on a pivot while changing her position, and after her feet are properly placed so that she can sit down gracefully, she gently lowers herself into the chair. When preparing to rise the feet should be placed firmly on the floor, one in front of the other, and the body brought upward by balancing it on the balls of the feet again. 

It more difficult to lift the body to a standing position when the feet are placed side by side, than when one foot is advanced slightly. This position prepares one for the first step in walking to another part of the room or when taking one’s departure. The awkward girl shifts her weight first from one foot to the other and usually has difficulty in getting under way when she could avoid it all by placing her feet in the correct position when she prepares to rise from the chair. After a few lessons, the position becomes quite simple.  – 1911

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia