Etiquette and Little Annoyances

There always will be individuals who are selfishly centered and who see nothing beyond their own little circles. Let me urge you to a careful self-examination. If you have any annoying habits, begin now to correct them. Help to decrease the appalling number of little annoyances that exist in everyday life.

Advice on Social Customs

Mrs. Chester Adams most cordially invites her friends to bring to her their Social Problems and Perplexities by letter at any time!

HAVE you ever had your nerves worn to shreds by the unthinking actions of a friend or a stranger in your vicinity? I wish to talk to you today of little annoyances that, separately considered, seem very trifling and too small to object to, but when taken in a collective group, lead on to wide fields of discussion.

There’s the tapping or drumming with fingers or any object on a table, the back of a chair or a door. It may serve for an outlet of nervous energy on the part of the drummer, but what does it do to the hearers? I am not naturally nervous, but I know others who are, and a few can be worked into a state of exhaustion and nervous despair at the hands of a thoughtless person. There is the keynote of our little talk, thoughtlessness. The man or woman who bangs the door, who rattles the boxes in the cupboard or who kicks the car seat on which you happen to be, does not think of the effect of his or her actions on other people. But he should. 

No one who is a single atom in the great mass of humanity can act alone and without a certain amount of influence on others around him. No one has a right to annoy others and then plead as lack of thought. Every person has rights that must be respected by his neighbors. In no other way can there be social harmony. The law has taken some points into its own hands. A barking dog and an annoying boy are now, in most places, legally restrained to keep the peace. But there are still culprits and disturbers of the peace that should be checked in their thoughtless careers. Are you one of the forgetful ones? Do you talk at the top of your voice, at all hours and in all places? Do you push others in a crowd? Do you drum on the window pane in a car? 

Do not make the mistake of thinking that only one instance is met in a day. I know of one woman who made her first trip into the country after a complete nervous breakdown. She arrived after a journey of five hours, a physical wreck. Later on, when she was able to recall that trip, she said that the whole thing was “a nightmare of annoyances.” A little boy drummed at her back; a man rattled a newspaper with maddening frequency, and finally rolled it up to beat a tattoo on the glass. Two young girls chattered and giggled so that she wanted to scream, and one woman insisted upon conversing with her about ill health. It took one week to place that weary traveler back in fair condition. The people didn't think. 

There always will be individuals who are selfishly centered and who see nothing beyond their own little circles. Let me urge you to a careful self-examination. If you have any annoying habits, begin now to correct them. Help to decrease the appalling number of little annoyances that exist in everyday life.– San Francisco Call, 1911

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia