Etiquette and Incompetent Help

An already bewildered maid is not rendered any the better by open reprimands, admonitions, orders or a series of frantic signals. She is much more likely to stumble, drop food and dishes and possibly burst into tears if reproved before guests, making them uncomfortable and agonizing the hostess.

Etiquette For the Hostess:

Among the laws of social usage called “etiquette” perhaps none is oftener broken or at least shaken than that demanding composure of manner in host and hostess where awkward or inexperienced help must be depended upon. An already bewildered maid is not rendered any the better by open reprimands, admonitions, orders or a series of frantic signals. She is much more likely to stumble, drop food and dishes and possibly burst into tears if reproved before guests, making them uncomfortable and agonizing the hostess. 

If the fish is served and its sauce is forgotten, if there is a mistake in pouring wine or filling the water goblets, or indeed, any such small mishaps, matters are not made any better by repeated corrections, veiled sarcasm or anything of the sort. One of the really simple rules of good breeding is followed by the hostess who never apologizes for commissions or omissions at her table. She may give orders to a nervous maid in a very, very low, gentle tone that will help to compose the frightened, awkward girl, and she makes the effort and is always successful to divert her guests and pays no attention seemingly to anything that goes wrong. 

The obligation that good form imposes upon guests in such cases is to assist the hostess in a quiet, considerate way. If in the serving of a dish it is discovered that It has been badly cooked or is in any way wrong it is far better to allow it to be served, unless it would be really harmful, than to send it back to the kitchen with a stern message to a possibly flustered, incompetent cook. Then guests can easily trifle with it, allowing that course to be as if it never was wrong in any way, laughing and talking about anything, everything that comes to mind. 

This helps out a worried hostess and makes for the pleasure of the assembled company. Apologies should never be offered if a long, awkward wait intervenes between courses. It becomes then the duty of host and hostess to appear entirely unconcerned and to keep the ball of conversation going as swiftly and gayly as possible. This is the composure of manner that must be cultivated if people wish to appear at ease, no matter what happens. Accidents are always apt to occur, and to accept them quietly is to show good breeding, which is etiquette. – San Pedro Pilot, 1913

 🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia