Good Manners And Good Humor

We assume its receipt to be merely a modest hint that we kindly advertise the fact that there is such a book. Through long observation we know the principal rule of the social game even better than we know poker. 

Good Manners

(By the Sporting Editor) 

Someone has sent us a pamphlet advertising a book on good manners. Of course, there was no intention of suggesting that we are in need ol social assistance. We assume its receipt to be merely a modest hint that we kindly advertise the fact that there is such a book. Through long observation we know the principal rule of the social game even better than we know poker. Briefly stated it is this; In climbing the social ladder, step on the fingers of those following you. Keep this in mind, and your place on the rungs, look haughty, and you are safe. In the good old days of Sausalito when we had cow trails instead of our present well paved streets, a suggestion as to what constituted good manners to our then populated, consisting as it did of pool-room men and the descendants of nobility, would have been out of place. The pool-room men always knew the right thing to do – trim the sucker. 

John Barleycorn was also then with us and he had friends even among the aristocrats. But John has gone to join the pool-rooms. Bourbon is now scarce, fearfully scarce, legally scarce. Scotch has taken its place. This is a sufficient prelude to our recommendation of a book which is for the benefit of those who ain’t got no manners, for those who have not studied table etiquette, for those who, for instance, do not know that the only safe and practical way to eat peas with a fork is to mix them with mashed potatoes. Our readers should be proud of the fact that Sausalito has a newspaper that takes such an interest in the social affairs of the town that it is ready at all times to assist even those who do not know the right thing to do socially. The little booklet we received propounds ten questions, which we copy and append our answers: 

1. Q. How should corn on cob be eaten? 
2. A. Cooked. 
3. Q. How should a formal dinner be announced? 
4. A. Hash is ready. 
5. Q. How should a man attach a letter to flowers which he is sending to a young woman 
6. A. A green ribbon, if she is Irish. 
7. Q. Should a man precede or follow his feminine companion up and down the aisle of a church or theatre? 
8. A. If a wedding neither; just hold on tight. 
9. Q. Upon leaving a dining-table, should one’s chair be pushed up to the table, pushed back from the table, or left where it happens to be when one arises? 
10. A. Put the chair on top of table so the cook can sweep up the crumbs. 
11. Q. Mrs. Brown is introduced to Mr. Black. They desire to cultivate a friendship. Who should make the first call? 
12. A. The one with an auto. 
13. Q. Where is the seat of honor at the table? 
14. A. Nearest the bottle.
15. Q. Is it proper for a woman to appear in the aisle of a sleeping-car in negligee. 
16. A. Yes, if she has a good figure. 
17. Q. If you were paged in a fashionable hotel by a member of the opposite-sex, how would you answer? 
18. A. I’m a married man. 
19. Q. Should a man precede or follow his feminine companion off a street-car or railway-coach? 
20. A. It is not polite to follow a woman. 

“The Book of Good Manners” was born at 200 Fifth Avenue, New York; mark well the street. Its proud and expectant parents will send it to you for three bucks. We have instructed Bob, who stands off our creditors, keeps the place clean, runs the limo, sometimes writes our editorials and keeps our accounts, not send any bill for this ad. – The Sausalito News, 1923

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