Etiquette for Lady’s Maids and Guests

THE maiden receiving visitors politely informs them that her mistress will be with them in a few moments, calling her by name, thus: “Mrs. Brown will be with you in a few moments,” and never referring to her as “she” or “the lady,” as I have occasionally heard badly trained servants do. – For many centuries throughout time, where there have been ladies of high status, there have been lady’s maids. – This public domain image is a depiction of a French lady’s maid in 1630’s Paris. It was made in the turn of the 18th-19th century, by Georges-Jacques Gatine.

THE “COURTESIES” OF CALLS

IN 1905

Hints for the Lady’s Maids, Callers on the Length of Time to Stay and on Leave-Taking

THE maiden receiving visitors politely informs them that her mistress will be with them in a few moments, calling her by name, thus: “Mrs. Brown will be with you in a few moments,” and never referring to her as “she” or “the lady,” as I have occasionally heard badly trained servants do. 

In some houses, after receiving the cards and taking them to her mistress, the maid does not come back again, many ladies considering this unnecessary. But it is a little more courteous to have her announce that the lady of the house will soon make her appearance, as has just been described, than, in the expressive slang of the small boy, to keep the visitors “guessing” until madame choses to come downstairs.

When the hostess enters, the guests should rise to greet her, while she shakes hands, first, with the elder and then with the younger lady, expressing most cordially her pleasure in seeing them. They all seat themselves, the hostess sitting near her guests so that there shall be no stiffness or too great formality about the occasion.

LENGTH OF VISIT

The visitors should stay from about twenty minutes to a half hour, when they should rise from their seats. It is not necessary for them to say anything about their intended departure: their rising from their seats is a sufficient intimation to the hostess that they intend to take their leave. I once knew a dear old country woman who invariably, after sitting a short time with one, abruptly announced, “Well, I must be a-going.” but, being a great favorite and always urged to stay, she never went until she had repeated the exclamation at least three times.

 Now it is not considered at all necessary for the hostess to urge her guests to prolong their visit. In the case of intimate friends this is often done, but with more formal acquaintances it is thought to be in rather bad taste. She simply rises, again gives her hand and says something to the effect that their coming has afforded her a great deal of pleasure. And, if no other guests are present, she usually accompanies the visitors to the door of the house, although many women, and especially those adhering strictly to old-fashioned ideas of etiquette, insist that the hostess should go with the visitors no farther than the drawing room door. This, however, is now wholly a matter of taste. Personally, I consider the former method much more courteous and cordial; and that, after all, is the main thing.

But it must be remembered that when there are other visitors in the drawing room, or if the departing guest is man, the hostess should never go beyond the drawing room door, for men are supposed to be quite capable of letting themselves out of the house without assistance. Also, the hostess who keeps a butler never goes with her guests to the door, for the butler is always in attendance in the hall when there are visitors.– By Miss Eleanor B. Clapp, 1905

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