Etiquette and Invitations by Phone

After well over 100 years, the verdict is still out with many people, Violet! – It is not good form to reply to a written invitation with a telephone message, both because the manner of invitations should always be duplicated and also that it is by no means certain that a hostess will receive a verbal message if it is sent. through a maid.

Invitation by Telephone

CUSTOM is rapidly removing prejudice against the use of a telephone for inviting persons to formal as well as informal gatherings. The fact that a refusal or acceptance is given definitely on the instant is decidedly relieving to the nerves of a hostess, which are strained when she is kept waiting several days or a week for a written, response.

Yet, correct though it is to employ a telephone for social purposes, there have been established certain rules in regard to it, and to offend against them is to show ignorance of etiquette. It is not good form to reply to a written invitation with a telephone message, both because the manner of invitations should always be duplicated and also that it is by no means certain that a hostess will receive a verbal message if it is sent. through a maid.

A recent instance of the truth of this latter fact was shown at a large dinner given last week. The hostess had not heard from the only single woman whom she had invited and the invitations were sent through the mail. Up to the morning of the dinner no answer had come and the hostess telephoned the delinquent. To her amazement she was told by her friend that the latter had telephoned her refusal the day the invitation was received. The message had been given to the maid, the mistress not being at home, and the servant had forgotten to tell it.

The hostess scurried around to fill the vacant place, and at the last minute could ask only an old friend, a married woman, the hostess being obliged to say that there was no seat for the husband and that he was not being asked. The same hostess had on her list several other single women whom she was obliged to entertain through the winter, but none could she bring in at the twentieth hour, and so the seat was wasted. When accepting an invitation over the telephone it is the part of wisdom to follow it with a written acceptance, in which the day, date and hour are repeated. Only in this way can a woman be certain that no error is made in the time, and the sense of security given is worth the effort.

Telephonic invitations will always appear to be informal, and sometimes are, but a woman will have no difficulty in deciding the point if she gives heed to the hour appointed. A luncheon at half-past one o'clock, to play bridge afterward, may be regarded as formal; dinner at any time after a quarter to séven is also formal. Earlier than those hours is considered to be informal. – San Diego Union and Daily Bee, 1911

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia