Motor Car Etiquette (with Humor)

After you have run down a pedestrian be sure and "honk-honk" very vigorously, especially if you have previously given no warning signal. This little act of attention may be soothing to the last moments of the unfortunate. 

1. Always assist your lady passengers to their seats before taking your own; when alighting suddenly at a stone wall or fence, however, the question of precedence is not considered.
2. When a tire is punctured beyond repair it is considered the correct thing on the part of a host to be explicit as to the number if miles the party must walk to reach home.
3. If anything disagreeable happens, lay it to the chauffeur; if he is bigger than you it is permissible to do this behind his back.
4. After you have run down a pedestrian be sure and "honk-honk" very vigorously, especially if you have previously given no warning signal. This little act of attention may be soothing to the last moments of the unfortunate. 
5. If a horse shows signs of fright, put on all possible power and go by at full speed. In this way he will get rid of his fear- and possibly of his driver -more quickly.
6. If a village constable stands in the road watch in hand, head your machine at the watch. A correct aim destroys evidence.
7. No matter how well you can run your car, always keep a chauffeur in your pay: court rooms and country Jails are stuffy places,
8. If ladies are present when you get on your back under the machine to fix that little trouble." It is the custom to gag yourself with cotton waste.
9. If you have been persuaded to pur- chase a copy of the "Rules of the read,' 'throw it away; there are no rules for motorists.– New York Press 1906

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