Etiquette at Home in 1884

A lady in society is treated with a certain deference which manifests itself in delicate attentions. Children in society are treated with considerate kindness, which is always consid erately expressed. There are rules of etiquette which relate to the many little attentions and formulas. These in society are carefully graded, and often rigidly enforced. They may be made onerous, and so oppressive. But etiquette is clearly defined. 

It should Not be Reserved For Society Alone

The ease and neglige of home often induce carelessness as to etiquette, the impression being that politeness and polish are only needed in society, and that carelessness of manner is appropriate to home life. All such views are erroneous. There is positive comfort in politeness, and etiquette is as important at home as abroad. We distinguish etiquette as the outward expression of politeness. It has to do with forms and attentions, which are external. A lady in society is treated with a certain deference which manifests itself in delicate attentions. Children in society are treated with considerate kindness, which is always considerately expressed. There are rules of etiquette which relate to the many little attentions and formulas. These in society are carefully graded, and often rigidly enforced. They may be made onerous, and so oppressive. But etiquette is clearly defined. 

We do not advocate an etiquette for the home so rigid as to be burdensome. Yet it may be the means of teaching politeness to children. Those who have an instinctive politeness easily fall in with the rules of etiquette. But all have not this instinct. Some are careless, rude, selfish, inconsiderate. These need discipline. To give this is not to lecture on the rules of good order or politeness. It must be instilled more by example than precept. And where the parents are careful to observe the forms of politeness, its importance is naturally impressed and its rules are speedily learned. Therefore, all deference that would be shown in public society should mark intercourse at home. And if husband and wife are courteous, children imbibe and practice it. Example is the great teacher in this line.

Beyond this courtesy exerts a very decided influence on character. Trained to the etiquette of politeness gives a balance and eveness to character. Its very inception involves self-control and conscious restraint. It is, with most, second nature. The forms and rules are acquired and the habits slowly grafted on. Where this is done, so much has been accomplished in the line of self control, that its influence extends to temper and habits of mind. Such persons are apt to be self-contained in all emergencies. A gentleman will be such under all provocations and amid all, receive something more than polish. It is something to gracefully escort a lady to dinner, or to maintain an agreeable conversation, or to show, at all times, the air of good breeding; but the value of it all is in the traits of mind that have been imparted. A clean person will feel clean, and one accustomed to politeness will naturally realize the elevation of feeling at home are important, and the habit of courtesy ranks among the first.— Humboldt Times, 1884

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