19th C. Chinese Courtship Etiquette

A drawing depicting bride-to-be, Ah Leen – “The bridegroom-elect may see his future bride, he may even converse with her from opposite sides of the room, but the proprieties would be completely outraged if the betrothed couple were to shake hands. Two or three times a week the fiance makes a call of from five to ten minutes duration, and if he is desperately enamored, he never goes empty handed. Sausages are a gift that is highly appreciated, and Chinese vegetables are also much esteemed. Fruit is frequently brought to the engaged ladies, both in the Presbyterian and the Methodist missions, but it would outrage Mongolian etiquette to bestow candy.”

The Romance of Ah Leen –How a Chinese Girl Can Be Made Love To at the Missions 

Presents of Jewelry Are Frequently Given, but Sausages Are Not Scorned

Many and unexpected are the ways by which sinners are sometimes led into the fold, and the approaching marriage of Ah Leen furnishes an instance of this. Ah Leen is a good little girl who lives in the Presbyterian mission, away from the pomps and vanities of this wicked world. Every Sunday, however, she goes religiously to church along with the other girls who have been rescued by the kindhearted ladies of the Occidental Board. The passing of this procession is an opportunity eagerly seized by the eligible bachelors of Chinatown, who turn out en masse and line the sidewalks along the route, each good one cherishing the intention of asking Miss Culbertson for the hand of the girl who strikes his fancy most. 

As for the wicked, they know that it is useless to apply. Now, one gay and sprightly bachelor was particularly struck a couple of months ago by the beauty of Ah Leen. He watched the procession pass with eyes only for her, and when she had entered the sacred edifice, instead of resigning himself to go home, he made a mighty effort to overcome the prejudices of early education and followed her into the church. From that date a change has come over the bachelor. He no longer burns punk at the shrines of his countrymen, nor does he dissipate money in having his fortune told; in fact, he has become in every way worthy of Ah Leen, to whom he is soon to be united. During the present strained condition of things in Chinatown, however, he shrinks from the notoriety of having his changed condition commented on by his friends and foes.

Courtship, as it is understood in Chinese circles, is a somewhat tame and practical affair. There is a regular routine at the mission, in which a compromise is made between American and Chinese customs. The bridegroom-elect may see his future bride, he may even converse with her from opposite sides of the room, but the proprieties would be completely outraged if the betrothed couple were to shake hands. Two or three times a week the fiance makes a call of from five to ten minutes duration, and if he is desperately enamored, he never goes empty handed. Sausages are a gift that is highly appreciated, and Chinese vegetables are also much esteemed. Fruit is frequently brought to the engaged ladies, both in the Presbyterian and the Methodist missions, but it would outrage Mongolian etiquette to bestow candy.

The love-making is generally monosyllabic on the part, of the young lady, and even the man finds his gift of conversation languish. At the Presbyterian mission a charming young Chinese girl named Ah Cheng, a professional interpreter, satisfies etiquette by being present during all the interviews. Many Chinese merchants have offered to lay their hands and heart at Ah Cheng's feet, but she has seen so much of love-making as an onlooker that she refuses to go through the ordeal of entertaining a fiance on her own account. Even the touching romance of Ah Leen has not inclined the little interpreter to follow her example. – The San Francisco Call, 1895

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