Etiquette and Dining Without Hands

Ten years later and one would have thought that Estelle Lawton Lindsay had been dining with the exceptional war veteran-turned-actor, Harold Russell, the Oscar winner from the unforgettable film, “The Best Years of Our Lives.” Canadian-born Russell had enlisted after the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor in 1941. He lost both of his hands in that war. He gave such a memorable, poignant and yet uplifting performance in the WWII film, that he was rewarded with both a Best Supporting Actor statuette and second, special Oscar for “bringing hope and courage to his fellow veterans.” His acting in the film brought it two of the overall nine Academy Awards it received. – Public domain image

The following article was posted first back in 2021 on Etiquipedia, but we felt it was worth a Second Debut, so we are reprinting the post with a different photo:

“Two metal hooks where his hands should be was the distinctive feature of the man who sat opposite me at dinner last night. He was a strong, husky chap between 25 and 30, well groomed, but coatless and he walked into the French restaurant, was shown to a table, pulled his chair out and sat down without a motion that would single him out from the rest of the diners. Fortunately he sat opposite me, offering me opportunity not to stare at a man who fed himself with two iron hooks, but to look with admiration on a person, who has successfully made one of life's most difficult adjustments.

“Of course, I didn't and don't now know his story. I didn't have to have him tell me that to know that there was a day, either in his boyhood or young manhood, when he awoke to the realization that his hands were gone. In a case like that one can entirely set aside any attendant physical suffering, and dwell upon the mental and nervous shock and the necessary adjustment that only the individual himself can make.

“Life is going to go right on for a person in a fix of that kind, and he himself must decide if he is going to go right along with it.

DECISION COMES FIRST

“This decision must come first... And after the decision is made there is the nerve-racking process of developing a new way of living that will approximate the normal course of things.

“There were no awkward moves as this fellow-diner of mine deftly adjusted the hook on his right arm with the one on the left. He picked up his napkin, unfolded it and placed it on his lap.

“When the soup was served he picked up a spoon and ate without spilling a drop. He broke French bread, which he seemed to enjoy, and now and then wiped his lips with his napkin and sipped water from the glass at his place.

DEFIANT LOOK IN EYE

“He served himself salad and ate it, also the crisp potatoes and peas, and he was just as American in eating fried chicken with his “fingers” as you and I. But he didn't stare at anyone else for everyone was staring at him. However, he wasn't embarrassed, in fact I caught a defiant look in his eye and sensed an attitude of the satisfied victor.

“I wanted to shake his right hook, but I don't believe he would want commendation any more than sympathy. A person who makes a difficult life adjustment as successfully as he has, doesn't need either.” – By Estelle Lawton Lindsay for “Log of the Good Ship Life” in the San Pedro Pilot, 1936

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