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Don't know which fork to use? You say you don't much care? Figure such silliness really doesn't matter? Time to wake up and smell the coffee (which always should be served on your right): If your boredom with etiquette has led to ‘boor-dom’ at the dinner table, that new job you covet may be lost before dessert’s served.– Image from |
It's never too late to brush up on table etiquette. Don't know which fork to use? You say you don't much care? Figure such silliness really doesn't matter? Time to wake up and smell the coffee (which always should be served on your right): If your boredom with etiquette has led to ‘boor-dom’ at the dinner table, that new job you covet may be lost before dessert’s served.
Patti Shock, chairman of the tourism and convention department in the College of Hotel Administration at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, said if a job interview includes a meal out, the applicant would be well-advised to be comfortable with the basics of etiquette. “There have been a lot of cases of people who have been on their third job interview, and it will be a meal function, and they'll do some faux pas and not get the job and not know why,” Shock said.
The list of prime lose-the-job offenses, she said, includes talking with a mouth full of food – something we all know we shouldn't do, but something that some of us apparently forget when we're busy trying to make what should be a good impression. “It's knowing that when you pass the bread, you pass to the right and you never force it in somebody’s hand; you place it on the table. And it always goes to the right,” she said. “If they ask for the salt, you pass (the salt and pepper) together. When eating soup, you don't lift the spoon directly to your mouth; you circle it away before bringing it to your mouth.”
All of which may sound like so much fussiness. But ignoring or being ignorant of such social niceties can brand you as person prospective employers, workers and friends aren't too eager to have around. “People who are educated in this will recognize little faux pas,” she said. As a country, Shock said, we're forgetting the rules of etiquette — something she notices among her mostly college-age students. “Back in my day, when you had the nuclear family that sat down to dinner at night, families generally instructed you,” said Shock, who's 58. “Plus, we used to have grandparents in the home” to provide any training parents missed. Many of today’s families, Shock said, rarely sit down and eat together.
“Now, it’s pretty much catch as catch can.” Some of the details of etiquette are admittedly arcane. But if, like a lot of people, you don't automatically know that your bread-and-butter plate is the one on your left, it's never too late to learn. You can study the basic rules, of course; Judith Martin has even written an entire book on the subject, “Miss Manners’ Basic Training: Eating.”
You can take cues from your more well-versed dinner companions. And while Shock laments that many restaurants aren’t training their servers in the fine points of etiquette anymore, some still are, so – especially in better restaurants — you may take your cues from your server.
At Le Cirque restaurant at Bellagio, 3600 Las Vegas Blvd. South, the staff underwent a three-week training program before the restaurant opened, said assistant general manager Peter Tischmann, on “everything from proper place setting to posture in the restaurant to verbiage.” Daily sessions, Tischmann said, reinforce various points.
Tischmann said that, like all other aspects of proper etiquette, it's important for servers to make guests comfortable. “It's definitely one of the basics, to make them feel at ease,” he said. “We don't want to be uptight and stuffy.” Tischmann conceded that the elaborate place settings the restaurant sometimes uses can be intimidating for some patrons.
“I just don't think they're knowledgeable about it, in terms of silverware settings and what forks and knives to use,” Tischmann said. “It can be sort of overwhelming, whether it be a fish knife or oyster fork. We have a whole slew of silverware,” Tischmann said, ”six or seven different spoons” that may include demitasse, dessert and sauce spoons in addition to the familiar teaspoon.
As a waiter serves a person, he said, they're instructed to subtly explain the silverware – “And here is your fish knife,” for example – to make things easier on guests. Some of the niceties of server etiquette at Le Cirque are things guests don’t even have to concern themselves with. If a guest excuses him – or herself mid-meal, for example, there will be a fresh napkin waiting upon their return. “We're very keen on those things,” Tischmann said.
At Hugo’s Cellar at the Four Queens, 202 Fremont St., each new server receives a booklet covering about 20 points and must take written and practical exams, said Vincent Wiggins, sommelier. Periodic training seminars also are scheduled. “In most cases, at this restaurant, we do not hire a new waiter without some sort of gourmet experience.” Wiggins said.
Wiggins said, “Hugo’s Cellar uses a relatively straightforward place setting – salad fork, dinner fork, knife, spoon, bread-and-butter plate, bread-and-butter knife, napkin and wine glass – and we leave them pretty much on their own unless they ask.” In case of a faux pas — a patron who uses a dinner fork for his or her salad — “we would just replace it when the entree arrives,” Wiggins said.
Wiggins said he doesn't think we're collectively losing our grasp of etiquette. “I think people are more etiquette-savvy – maybe because they're eating out more,” he said.
At Rosemary's, 8125 W. Sahara Ave., service manager Rick Powers said servers spent two weeks in training before the restaurant opened seven months ago and receive continuous training, including pre-meal training before service starts each day. The restaurant’s best servers train new servers. “We also ask them to go out as much as they can and try to feel out service standards and what they like and don't like and bring it back to me,” he said.
Powers said his clients tend to be well-versed in etiquette. “Most are local,” he said. “Most are educated in food and dining.” But sometimes, he said, customers may think things are moving too slowly, not realizing that that's how it's supposed to be. “We're here for you to dine, not just eat and run,” he said.
Charlie Abowd, chef/owner of Adele’s in Carson City, said while he sees most people following the basic rules of etiquette, coping with modern challenges tends to elude them. “Today, I think the common etiquette mistake is that people don't have respect for time,” he said. “And cell phones are the biggest player in that. If you're sitting down and we're having a conversation, that totally interrupts the conversation you and I have.”
“People don't realize the depths of that. If I got up and went over and sat down at another table and left you there abandoned, that would be the same thing. People do have table manners; I think it's ‘human manners’ that are lacking,” Abowd said. “Everything is going so fast that we've forgotten the common courtesies in life. It's such a ‘now’ society.” And Abowd, whose clientele generally includes a lot of people involved in state government, cautioned that loose lips can sink deals as well as ships.
“It’s always funny when you have new players in the Legislature — typically, new young lobbyists who don't know all the players, who will be sitting in close proximity and discussing openly their strategies,” he said. “I've seen a couple of times when strategies have been blown because of not knowing all the players. I had recently somebody talking about the Leadership when in fact, sitting within 3 feet of that person talking about the Leadership, was one of the Leadership,” Abowd said.
“I went back into the kitchen and had one of my staff tell that person that they had a phone call, and brought them back into the kitchen and told them who was sitting nearby. I got a Little Feat CD as a thank-you.”— Las Vegas Review-Journal, 1999
🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia
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