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| At first take claret; with the third course you may venture on sauterne or hock; with the game comes sherry, port, etc...; and champagne with the desert. A fashionable lady at Montreal condensed her opinion of the breeding of a fast American she met into a single sentence: “He is the sort of man, to take champagne wine with his soup.” If you are conscious of being “green,” wait and ripen in the light of good examples around you. |
The third course will bring the principal dishes– roast and boiled meats, fowls, etc...; and these are followed by game. There are also side dishes of various kinds. Game comes next; and then the cloth is removed.
There are a few rules which must not be violated. Your knife was made to cut your food with, and is never to be put to your mouth. The four or five pronged fork, now in general use, has this intention if you cannot manage with a fork, try a spoon.
Next comes fish. This you may dress with the proper condiments. There are catsups and sauces especially adapted to it. But don't presume to use your knife, nor to eat any vegetables with it. Take your fork in your right hand, and your bread in your left. Fish does not require cutting. Where fish is served at a small and informal dinner, or on Friday, as a principal dish, it is another affair. You may eat it with vegetables and use a knife; but when it only forms one of several courses, take a little, as of soup, and but once.
When you lay down your fork on the plate, the waiter removes it, and supplies you with a clean plate.
Unless you are with temperance people, or are yourself pledged to total abstinence, you will probably take wine. At the side of your plate you will find five glasses– a small one for madeira, sherry, etc..., a larger goblet for claret, a green glass for hock or sauterne, a deeper goblet for champagne, and another for water; or, the waiter who asks you what wine you will take, will give you a suitable glass.
At first take claret; with the third course you may venture on sauterne or hock; with the game comes sherry, port, etc...; and champagne with the desert. A fashionable lady at Montreal condensed her opinion of the breeding of a fast American she met into a single sentence: “He is the sort of man, to take champagne wine with his soup.” If you are conscious of being “green,” wait and ripen in the light of good examples around you.
At the first part of a dinner there is much eating and little talking. When the appetite is satisfied this is changed.
Be exceedingly careful never to say or do anything at table which can produce disgust. If needful to remove anything from your mouth, do it carefully with the left hand. But if you eat prudently this will seldom be needful. Never use both hands to carry anything to your mouth. Break your bread, not bite it. Never be seen to pick your teeth. Wipe your nose, if needful, but never blow it at table. If you must spit, leave the room.
Before the cloth is removed, finger glasses, or large green or purple goblets, with tepid water, and a piece of lemon, will be placed by each plate. Don't mistake these for lemonade. Dip the tips of your fingers in the water, and wipe them on your napkin. Wet a corner of the napkin and wipe your mouth. The practice of rinsing the mouth with water from your goblet, and spirting it into the finger glass, is more suited to the privacy of your toilette than to a dinner table.
At the desert, help the ladies near you to puddings, pies, ice cream, confectionery, fruit, etc... Help strawberries with a spoon; but pass peaches, cherries, grapes, and olives, for each one to help himself with his fingers.
It is not customary to give toasts, or challenge people to take wine with you; it may, however, be done quietly and unobtrusively, as a familiar pleasantry.
Formerly, when ladies were supposed to be deficient in intellect, and gentlemen were truly deficient in decency, as soon as the dinner was over, and the gentlemen were ready for drinking, talking, smoking, and vile stories, and viler songs, the lady of the house gave a signal, the ladies rose, the gentlemen also, some one opened the door, and the ladies retired to the drawing room, while the gentlemen enjoyed their own peculiar pleasures. After-ward coffee or tea was served in the drawing room. But now that ladies can talk quite as well on most subjects as their lords, and that gentlemen think it as well to be decent in their own society, ladies remain at the dinner table, take champagne very prudently, if at all; coffee is served last, at the dinner table; and all retire together to the music, conversation, or flirtations of the drawing room.
This is about the routine of a fashionable dinner; and as our hotel keepers and steamboat captains intend to keep up with the fashions, a man who travels, if he goes into no society, properly so called, will do well to understand what is customary.
As the lion is best seen at feeding time, so the perfect gentleman and man of the world appears at best advantage at the table. Eating notably softens the temper and increases the geniality of most persons. If you want a favor of a man, see him after he has dined. The wine, with people who drink, has something to do with this, perhaps.
But while a man is eating, and in the early stages of his feast, he no more likes to be disturbed or annoyed than the lion aforesaid. In the early part of a dinner, then, be very quiet, and very careful of giving offence. Do not venture on a story, and be very sparing of your jokes, until the wire edge of hunger has been taken off.
The table should be set straight and orderly. A table set askew, is provoking to all people of regular habits. The linen upon it should be perfectly clean the finer, of course, the better. The service uniform, and plain white is by many preferred to any print. The knives are to be bright and sharp– the forks of silver, or plated metal, but of the broad, spoon-shaped fashion. Always provide napkins They are convenient in all cases, and in some of absolute necessity. There should be a salt cellar near every person; and no crowding of dishes.
With the simplest dinner, it is well to have the dishes of meat and vegetables, and the condiments, removed, and plates and knives and forks changed, for desert. These matters may seem unimportant; but they are not. Every elegant observance adds so much to the refinement of our lives. Have clear, well-washed, and brightly wiped glasses, for drinking. Two persons, very intimate, may drink from the same glass, and may even find a pleasure in doing so, but this intimacy should never be forced upon any one. In all things avoid the necessity of personal contact when it is disagreeable. You have no right to break a piece of bread in such a way as to leave a piece your finger has touched; nor to put your knife in the salt or butter, or your tea spoon in the sugar. There should of course be a salt spoon, a butter knife, and sugar shovel or tongs.
In these little matters, have nice things, or the nicest. White sugar really costs no more than brown; the whitest table salt is cheap enough; and a few shillings saved in an article that is to last you years, and always give you pleasure or pain, is poor economy. If you cannot afford costly material, let the pattern be as elegant as possible.
If needful, learn to carve coolly, neatly, and in an orderly fashion. You will learn more, however, in watching one accomplished dissection, than by all the instructions we can give. But at large tables, all joints, fowls, etc…. are removed to a side table and carved by a servant.
In helping any one to sauce, gravy, or vegetables, place them upon the side of the plate; never upon the article with which they are to be eaten.
When a plate of food is sent you, it is intended that you should keep it, unless you are particularly desired to send it to some person. It is not good manners for you to “pass it along,” but, contrary, quite the reverse. And, when you are on the helped, it is not at all needful that you wait for others. It is indeed a manifest injustice, for your food is cooling, and you sitting like a Tantalus, annoyed yourself, and annoying every one around you.
At the first part of a dinner there is much eating and little talking. When the appetite is satisfied this is changed.
Be exceedingly careful never to say or do anything at table which can produce disgust. If needful to remove anything from your mouth, do it carefully with the left hand. But if you eat prudently this will seldom be needful. Never use both hands to carry anything to your mouth. Break your bread, not bite it. Never be seen to pick your teeth. Wipe your nose, if needful, but never blow it at table. If you must spit, leave the room.
Before the cloth is removed, finger glasses, or large green or purple goblets, with tepid water, and a piece of lemon, will be placed by each plate. Don't mistake these for lemonade. Dip the tips of your fingers in the water, and wipe them on your napkin. Wet a corner of the napkin and wipe your mouth. The practice of rinsing the mouth with water from your goblet, and spirting it into the finger glass, is more suited to the privacy of your toilette than to a dinner table.
At the desert, help the ladies near you to puddings, pies, ice cream, confectionery, fruit, etc... Help strawberries with a spoon; but pass peaches, cherries, grapes, and olives, for each one to help himself with his fingers.
It is not customary to give toasts, or challenge people to take wine with you; it may, however, be done quietly and unobtrusively, as a familiar pleasantry.
Formerly, when ladies were supposed to be deficient in intellect, and gentlemen were truly deficient in decency, as soon as the dinner was over, and the gentlemen were ready for drinking, talking, smoking, and vile stories, and viler songs, the lady of the house gave a signal, the ladies rose, the gentlemen also, some one opened the door, and the ladies retired to the drawing room, while the gentlemen enjoyed their own peculiar pleasures. After-ward coffee or tea was served in the drawing room. But now that ladies can talk quite as well on most subjects as their lords, and that gentlemen think it as well to be decent in their own society, ladies remain at the dinner table, take champagne very prudently, if at all; coffee is served last, at the dinner table; and all retire together to the music, conversation, or flirtations of the drawing room.
This is about the routine of a fashionable dinner; and as our hotel keepers and steamboat captains intend to keep up with the fashions, a man who travels, if he goes into no society, properly so called, will do well to understand what is customary.
As the lion is best seen at feeding time, so the perfect gentleman and man of the world appears at best advantage at the table. Eating notably softens the temper and increases the geniality of most persons. If you want a favor of a man, see him after he has dined. The wine, with people who drink, has something to do with this, perhaps.
But while a man is eating, and in the early stages of his feast, he no more likes to be disturbed or annoyed than the lion aforesaid. In the early part of a dinner, then, be very quiet, and very careful of giving offence. Do not venture on a story, and be very sparing of your jokes, until the wire edge of hunger has been taken off.
The table should be set straight and orderly. A table set askew, is provoking to all people of regular habits. The linen upon it should be perfectly clean the finer, of course, the better. The service uniform, and plain white is by many preferred to any print. The knives are to be bright and sharp– the forks of silver, or plated metal, but of the broad, spoon-shaped fashion. Always provide napkins They are convenient in all cases, and in some of absolute necessity. There should be a salt cellar near every person; and no crowding of dishes.
With the simplest dinner, it is well to have the dishes of meat and vegetables, and the condiments, removed, and plates and knives and forks changed, for desert. These matters may seem unimportant; but they are not. Every elegant observance adds so much to the refinement of our lives. Have clear, well-washed, and brightly wiped glasses, for drinking. Two persons, very intimate, may drink from the same glass, and may even find a pleasure in doing so, but this intimacy should never be forced upon any one. In all things avoid the necessity of personal contact when it is disagreeable. You have no right to break a piece of bread in such a way as to leave a piece your finger has touched; nor to put your knife in the salt or butter, or your tea spoon in the sugar. There should of course be a salt spoon, a butter knife, and sugar shovel or tongs.
In these little matters, have nice things, or the nicest. White sugar really costs no more than brown; the whitest table salt is cheap enough; and a few shillings saved in an article that is to last you years, and always give you pleasure or pain, is poor economy. If you cannot afford costly material, let the pattern be as elegant as possible.
If needful, learn to carve coolly, neatly, and in an orderly fashion. You will learn more, however, in watching one accomplished dissection, than by all the instructions we can give. But at large tables, all joints, fowls, etc…. are removed to a side table and carved by a servant.
In helping any one to sauce, gravy, or vegetables, place them upon the side of the plate; never upon the article with which they are to be eaten.
When a plate of food is sent you, it is intended that you should keep it, unless you are particularly desired to send it to some person. It is not good manners for you to “pass it along,” but, contrary, quite the reverse. And, when you are on the helped, it is not at all needful that you wait for others. It is indeed a manifest injustice, for your food is cooling, and you sitting like a Tantalus, annoyed yourself, and annoying every one around you.
Arrange your napkin and begin. Dinner is not a general scramble, in which it is necessary to start fair, like the Welsh congregation at the shipwreck.
Never overload the plate of a guest, or any person you would serve. It is not a delicate compliment. If you are to serve game, or any rarity, of which the supply is limited, use discretion, and “make it go round.”
Fish is never to be cut– use a fish slice or spoon in serving; and as a rule, use a spoon whenever it can be done. In eating, as in everything, do the best thing in the best manner.
Fingers were undoubtedly made before forks; but, in most cases, forks are to be used in preference to fingers. But there are exceptions. One never uses a fork for olives, or cherries.
Where there are servants to help you, do not trouble those who are eating; but, if you sit near a lady, without watching her plate too closely, see that she has what is needful. Davy Crockett said that General Jackson was the politest man he ever saw; “for,” said he, “when he handed me the bottle of brandy, he looked the other way, so as not to see how much I drank.” Whether this anecdote be true or not, it gives an example of genuine good breeding.
Never press people unduly to eat or drink, or stay. True politeness consists in putting people at their ease, and giving them all possible freedom; but a fussy ceremoniousness is always impertinent.
The host does not send away his plate until all his guests have finished. It would be too strong a hint that they were eating too much, and should have finished.
After soup, where wine is drank, the host gives the signal, by asking some lady to take wine with him. He never asks gentlemen, but may be asked by them.
In sending your plate for anything, leave your knife and fork upon it. When you have finished any course or dish, lay knife and fork together, with the handles toward the right.
A well-trained waiter always brings what you ask for at your left hand, leaving your right free to take it from the salver; and a waiter never touches anything with his hands that it is possible to avoid. (A card or a letter is always brought upon a salver.)— From The Illustrated Manual of Good Behavior and Polite Accomplishments, 1855
Never overload the plate of a guest, or any person you would serve. It is not a delicate compliment. If you are to serve game, or any rarity, of which the supply is limited, use discretion, and “make it go round.”
Fish is never to be cut– use a fish slice or spoon in serving; and as a rule, use a spoon whenever it can be done. In eating, as in everything, do the best thing in the best manner.
Fingers were undoubtedly made before forks; but, in most cases, forks are to be used in preference to fingers. But there are exceptions. One never uses a fork for olives, or cherries.
Where there are servants to help you, do not trouble those who are eating; but, if you sit near a lady, without watching her plate too closely, see that she has what is needful. Davy Crockett said that General Jackson was the politest man he ever saw; “for,” said he, “when he handed me the bottle of brandy, he looked the other way, so as not to see how much I drank.” Whether this anecdote be true or not, it gives an example of genuine good breeding.
Never press people unduly to eat or drink, or stay. True politeness consists in putting people at their ease, and giving them all possible freedom; but a fussy ceremoniousness is always impertinent.
The host does not send away his plate until all his guests have finished. It would be too strong a hint that they were eating too much, and should have finished.
After soup, where wine is drank, the host gives the signal, by asking some lady to take wine with him. He never asks gentlemen, but may be asked by them.
In sending your plate for anything, leave your knife and fork upon it. When you have finished any course or dish, lay knife and fork together, with the handles toward the right.
A well-trained waiter always brings what you ask for at your left hand, leaving your right free to take it from the salver; and a waiter never touches anything with his hands that it is possible to avoid. (A card or a letter is always brought upon a salver.)— From The Illustrated Manual of Good Behavior and Polite Accomplishments, 1855
🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia
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