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| Etiquette changed over the latter part of the 19th century in the United States. When this book was written in 1855, it was still poor etiquette to use cherry forks or other diminutive forks for eating the small fruits and berries. By the Gilded Age, these forks for fruits were quite proper and sold in sets of 4, 6, 8 and more! – “Fingers were undoubtedly made before forks; but, in most cases, forks are to be used in preference to fingers. But there are exceptions. One never uses a fork for olives, or cherries.” |
The table should be set straight and orderly. A table set askew, is provoking to all people of regular habits. The linen upon it should be perfectly clean the finer, of course, the better. The service uniform, and plain white is by many preferred to any print. The knives are to be bright and sharp– the forks of silver, or plated metal, but of the broad, spoon-shaped fashion. Always provide napkins They are convenient in all cases, and in some of absolute necessity. There should be a salt cellar near every person; and no crowding of dishes.
With the simplest dinner, it is well to have the dishes of meat and vegetables, and the condiments, removed, and plates and knives and forks changed, for desert. These matters may seem unimportant; but they are not. Every elegant observance adds so much to the refinement of our lives. Have clear, well-washed, and brightly wiped glasses, for drinking.
Two persons, very intimate, may drink from the same glass, and may even find a pleasure in doing so, but this intimacy should never be forced upon any one. In all things avoid the necessity of personal contact when it is disagreeable. You have no right to break a piece of bread in such a way as to leave a piece your finger has touched; nor to put your knife in the salt or butter, or your tea spoon in the sugar. There should of course be a salt spoon, a butter knife, and sugar shovel or tongs.
In these little matters, have nice things, or the nicest. White sugar really costs no more than brown; the whitest table salt is cheap enough; and a few shillings saved in an article that is to last you years, and always give you pleasure or pain, is poor economy. If you cannot afford costly material, let the pattern be as elegant as possible.
If needful, learn to carve coolly, neatly, and in an orderly fashion. You will learn more, however, in watching one accomplished dissection, than by all the instructions we can give. But at large tables, all joints, fowls, etc…. are removed to a side table and carved by a servant.
In helping any one to sauce, gravy, or vegetables, place them upon the side of the plate; never upon the article with which they are to be eaten.
When a plate of food is sent you, it is intended that you should keep it, unless you are particularly desired to send it to some person. It is not good manners for you to “pass it along,” but, contrary, quite the reverse. And, when you are on the helped, it is not at all needful that you wait for others. It is indeed a manifest injustice, for your food is cooling, and you sitting like a Tantalus, annoyed yourself, and annoying every one around you.
In these little matters, have nice things, or the nicest. White sugar really costs no more than brown; the whitest table salt is cheap enough; and a few shillings saved in an article that is to last you years, and always give you pleasure or pain, is poor economy. If you cannot afford costly material, let the pattern be as elegant as possible.
If needful, learn to carve coolly, neatly, and in an orderly fashion. You will learn more, however, in watching one accomplished dissection, than by all the instructions we can give. But at large tables, all joints, fowls, etc…. are removed to a side table and carved by a servant.
In helping any one to sauce, gravy, or vegetables, place them upon the side of the plate; never upon the article with which they are to be eaten.
When a plate of food is sent you, it is intended that you should keep it, unless you are particularly desired to send it to some person. It is not good manners for you to “pass it along,” but, contrary, quite the reverse. And, when you are on the helped, it is not at all needful that you wait for others. It is indeed a manifest injustice, for your food is cooling, and you sitting like a Tantalus, annoyed yourself, and annoying every one around you.
Arrange your napkin and begin. Dinner is not a general scramble, in which it is necessary to start fair, like the Welsh congregation at the shipwreck.
Never overload the plate of a guest, or any person you would serve. It is not a delicate compliment. If you are to serve game, or any rarity, of which the supply is limited, use discretion, and “make it go round.”
Fish is never to be cut– use a fish slice or spoon in serving; and as a rule, use a spoon whenever it can be done. In eating, as in everything, do the best thing in the best manner.
Fingers were undoubtedly made before forks; but, in most cases, forks are to be used in preference to fingers. But there are exceptions. One never uses a fork for olives, or cherries.
Where there are servants to help you, do not trouble those who are eating; but, if you sit near a lady, without watching her plate too closely, see that she has what is needful. Davy Crockett said that General Jackson was the politest man he ever saw; “for,” said he, “when he handed me the bottle of brandy, he looked the other way, so as not to see how much I drank.” Whether this anecdote be true or not, it gives an example of genuine good breeding.
Never press people unduly to eat or drink, or stay. True politeness consists in putting people at their ease, and giving them all possible freedom; but a fussy ceremoniousness is always impertinent.
The host does not send away his plate until all his guests have finished. It would be too strong a hint that they were eating too much, and should have finished.
After soup, where wine is drank, the host gives the signal, by asking some lady to take wine with him. He never asks gentlemen, but may be asked by them.
In sending your plate for anything, leave your knife and fork upon it. When you have finished any course or dish, lay knife and fork together, with the handles toward the right.
A well-trained waiter always brings what you ask for at your left hand, leaving your right free to take it from the salver; and a waiter never touches anything with his hands that it is possible to avoid. (A card or a letter is always brought upon a salver.)— From The Illustrated Manual of Good Behavior and Polite Accomplishments, 1855
Never overload the plate of a guest, or any person you would serve. It is not a delicate compliment. If you are to serve game, or any rarity, of which the supply is limited, use discretion, and “make it go round.”
Fish is never to be cut– use a fish slice or spoon in serving; and as a rule, use a spoon whenever it can be done. In eating, as in everything, do the best thing in the best manner.
Fingers were undoubtedly made before forks; but, in most cases, forks are to be used in preference to fingers. But there are exceptions. One never uses a fork for olives, or cherries.
Where there are servants to help you, do not trouble those who are eating; but, if you sit near a lady, without watching her plate too closely, see that she has what is needful. Davy Crockett said that General Jackson was the politest man he ever saw; “for,” said he, “when he handed me the bottle of brandy, he looked the other way, so as not to see how much I drank.” Whether this anecdote be true or not, it gives an example of genuine good breeding.
Never press people unduly to eat or drink, or stay. True politeness consists in putting people at their ease, and giving them all possible freedom; but a fussy ceremoniousness is always impertinent.
The host does not send away his plate until all his guests have finished. It would be too strong a hint that they were eating too much, and should have finished.
After soup, where wine is drank, the host gives the signal, by asking some lady to take wine with him. He never asks gentlemen, but may be asked by them.
In sending your plate for anything, leave your knife and fork upon it. When you have finished any course or dish, lay knife and fork together, with the handles toward the right.
A well-trained waiter always brings what you ask for at your left hand, leaving your right free to take it from the salver; and a waiter never touches anything with his hands that it is possible to avoid. (A card or a letter is always brought upon a salver.)— From The Illustrated Manual of Good Behavior and Polite Accomplishments, 1855
🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia
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