Etiquette of the Napkin is Important

Ideally speaking, a napkin is used but once between trips never used to the laundry and hence napkin rings would be unnecessary. But practically a great many persons cannot afford to do this and so the napkin ring has a perfectly legitimate place on the dining table and its use is infinitely preferable to the practice of folding the napkins in fantastic shapes as a means of identification. 

“If it is not seemly, do it not.” —Marcus Aurelius

Some people seem to think that they have learned all there is to know about managing the napkin when they have learned not to tuck it in the collar or otherwise use it as a sort of chest protector while eating.

But there is much more to the gentle art of using the napkin than that. Several hundred years ago, you know, it was the correct and altogether elegant thing to use the edge of the tablecloth for a napkin. At another period persons who knew what to do at the right time carried the napkin over the right arm when eating and, it is said, the custom among waiters of carrying a towel over the right arm dates from that time. 

At still another time in luxurious households a fresh napkin was served with each course and as the diners finished the course they let the used napkins slip to the floor so that at the end of a banquet a pile of damask lay on the floor at each place— the more bountiful the banquet the higher the pile of linen.

Now we find one napkin, simply folded at the right of our place of lying on the plate, as we sit down to dinner. We unfold it as deftly as possible and place it across our lap— “across the left knee” the strict authorities used to say. As need may require we wipe our fingers on the napkin beneath the table and occasionally raise it to our lips. 

When finger bowls are passed the fingers are dipped in the bowl, first one hand and then the other, and then wiped on the napkin. Never under any circumstances dip the napkin in the finger bowl. If we wish to wipe the lips with the water we should merely moisten the fingers, touch the lips, and then wipe the lips and fingers.

Ideally speaking, a napkin is used but once between trips never used to the laundry and hence napkin rings would be unnecessary. But practically a great many persons cannot afford to do this and so the napkin ring has a perfectly legitimate place on the dining table and its use is infinitely preferable to the practice of folding the napkins in fantastic shapes as a means of identification.

At a hotel or restaurant the napkin should never be folded after a meal but left at the right side of the place. When we take but a single meal at another person’s home we should do the same thing, but when taking more than one meal we should watch and see what others do. If they fold their napkins it would be rude for us not to do the same. When a napkin is folded do it unostentatiously as possible, never laying it out on the table and smoothing it into its original folds.

The question is sometimes asked whether or not it is in good form to serve paper napkins with refreshments at a social gathering. One would not find them at the homes of persons of means who could perfectly well afford to have damask napkins. However, since they are perfectly clean, inconspicious and conveniently answer the purpose for which napkins were invented, it would be absurd to say they were not in good form. 

Paper napkins would be in far better form at a an entertainment where the use of damask napkins would mean an extravagance on the part of the hostess. Where paper napkins are used for a supper it is best to have those that are perfectly white. — Morning Union, 1917

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipediag Etiquette Encyclopedia