Etiquette and Dignified Behavior

Again, Mrs. Chester Adams requests her friends to bring to her their Social Problems and Perplexities by letter at any time.

BE DIGNIFIED

WE HAVE heard of the sweet dignity of women, and if we are mortal we have been charmed by that element in a person's deportment; we also must be aware of the fact that dignity in women is on the wane. It is to be deplored that it has gone far below par in the estimation of many, though its value is still to be appreciated by an elect few.

Now I am not preaching against a charming natural spontaneity, and no one appreciates the joy of fresh and hearty living more than I do. But I like women too much to see them lowering the standards of behavior, there-by affecting the status of our sex. And nothing is quite so effective in the destructive work as a lack of dignity.

Some one has said that dignity rarely goes hand-in-hand with haste. As soon as your actions are unduly quickened, there is a lack of judgement and equipoise which are associated with dignity, Cultivate a habit of allowing plenty of time to say and do things. In your conversation, acquire a natural dignity of intona- tion and choice of words. This does not mean to be a pedant and to flaunt long, involved sentences at a tired listener. It does mean that a statement can be made in well-chosen, pure English. As soon as slang or dioms are allowed, there is a loss of dignity.

Your correspondence, too, should receive careful consideration. Never allow one word to flow from your pen that might rebound to your discredit. The written word often stands out as a witness against the writer's good breeding.

Perhaps in your actions there is greater opportunity to throw dignity to the winds than in your words. 1 have seen women hurling wrath, in the shape of undignified words, at conductors, newsboys, children and grown people, and there has generally been nothing gained except the laugh and disrespect of the onlookers. A lack of dignity may be funny at times, but it never gains a sincere admiration or respect.

In the general attitude toward men, I must exhort women, young and otherwise, to be extremely careful. I would far rather be marked as “too dignified” than to err on the other side. I much prefer my self-respect to a familiarity which breeds contempt. It is better to possess dignity than a popularity gained at a disregard for this quality.

I do not wish to sermonize, my dear friends. I merely wish to bring to the minds of my readers the fact that in an unexplained manner we are seeing less of a serious dignity in women than in former days. We are losing one of the traits that, “in spite of the popularity of the jolly good fellow” will ever be worthy of sincere satisfaction. Are you forgetting it? Or do you stand with those who insist upon upholding the high ideals of behavior? — Dear Mrs. Adams, San Francisco Call, 1910

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia