Learning the Language of Customs

Obviously, you can’t be expected to know every obscure or bizarre custom or law of countries you visit. But it does help to know certain essential rules of etiquette. In Brazil, never wear green and yellow, the colors of the flag. People will laugh at you. Don’t give the thumbs-up sign in Iran, Ghana or the Soviet Union— it’s considered obscene. Waving your hand back and forth might seem like the appropriate gesture for “hello” in the United States, but in Greece it’s a rude gesture called the moutza.

Manners: When abroad, it’s not enough for travelers to know the language of a particular country. One should also know its customs and rules of etiquette.

Not long ago I was in a business meeting with a government official in the Middle East. I sat on a chair. My associate sat on a low couch facing our host. Everything went fine until my friend, uncomfortable with his position on the couch, crossed his legs.

The official grew agitated, appeared nervous and soon ended the meeting. As we walked outside, our interpreter explained what had happened. When my friend crossed his legs, his feet were raised and seemed to point directly at the official. It was considered an insult. Not having been forewarned, we had acted inappropriately.

Slowly but surely, Americans traveling abroad are discovering that it’s not enough simply to know the language. To avoid making some small— and some not-so-small — social blunders in foreign countries, it pays to know a few of their more important customs and manners.

Obviously, you can’t be expected to know every obscure or bizarre custom or law of countries you visit. But it does help to know certain essential rules of etiquette.

In Brazil, never wear green and yellow, the colors of the flag. People will laugh at you. Don’t give the thumbs-up sign in Iran, Ghana or the Soviet Union— it’s considered obscene. Waving your hand back and forth might seem like the appropriate gesture for “hello” in the United States, but in Greece it’s a rude gesture called the moutza.

Whatever you do, don’t give the “A-OK” sign with your hand in Tunisia. Forming a circle with your thumb and forefinger essentially means “I’ll kill you” in that country. If you make the same symbol in Japan, people will think you’re begging for money.

If you lay your chopsticks down on the table in Korea, it’s a signal that you have ended your meal. If you lay them down in Japan, be sure they’re not pointed in the direction of any other guest at the table. That’s a taboo.

Then there’s the problem of body language. In Thailand, tradition dictates that the “eyes are the windows of the heart.” Eye contact is a large part of the Thai culture. As long as you look into a person’s eyes, your look probably will be returned with a smile. But don’t stare.

And don’t wink at anyone in Hong Kong. It’s considered quite impolite. Also, be aware of body linguistics. Watch what you do with your hands and feet in countries such as India and Thailand. A friendly slap on the back to a Thai could get you into trouble. Finger pointing is rude, and while sitting, never point your feet in the direction of another person--that is a serious insult.

In Chile, holding your hand with the palm up and the fingers separated means stupid. And a right fist raised to the level of the head might have been hip in 1972, but not these days. (It’s the Communist sign). Then there’s this longstanding bizarre rule: In Albania, federal law prohibits singing in public.

As for keeping your distance, a good rule to follow is that when introduced to someone in a foreign country, keep things relatively formal until you fully understand the customs.

Recently an American businessman visiting Malaysia did not follow this advice. He went to the country to close a deal on a lucrative contract. At a ceremony to celebrate the beginning of negotiations, he was introduced to someone he thought was called “Roger.” Trying to be more familiar, he called the man “Rog.” One small problem. The man to whom he was talking was a rajah.

There are a number of good books that can guide you through the subtle but important differences (and expectations) in foreign customs and manners. Nancy Braganti and Elizabeth Devine have written both “The Travelers’ Guide to Asian Customs and Manners” (St. Martin’s Press) and “The Travelers’ Guide to Latin American Customs and Manners” (St. Martin’s Press).

The guides deal with variations in behavior, dress, legal matters, tipping and how to avoid major gaffes in language and general conversation. Some of the advice is excellent: “If you’re changing money at a bank in Chile, be prepared to stand in long lines, since people pay their bills there.”

Some of it is more or less universal: “When you ask Argentines for directions on the street, they will give you very detailed instructions, even if they have no idea where your destination is. It’s a matter of pride for Argentines to act as if they know the correct response.” (From my experience, the same advice applies equally in New York, Tanzania and Canton, Ohio.)

Then there’s something called “Culturgrams,” four-page leaflets packed with etiquette and customs information on 90 countries. The series is produced by the David M. Kennedy Center for International Studies at Brigham Young University.

You don’t have to leave home to benefit from “Foreignisms” by Tad Duleja (Macmillan). The book calls itself a “dictionary of foreign expressions commonly (and not so uncommonly) used in English.”

It explains, in entertaining detail, the meaning and origins of phrases and terms ranging from oy vey to gringo, to a full glossary of French ballet terminology. After all, you never know when you’ll be called on to explain the difference between a glissade and a sissonne.

Two other books deal with an approach to foreign language that can only described as definitely not Berlitz. “Wicked French” and “Wicked Italian,” both by Howard Tomb (Workman Publishing), will not help you become fluent in these languages, but will help you develop the appropriate hip attitude with French or Italian.

For example, under the “Words of Love” section the author helps American tourists with such phrases as “vous etes une super nana " (you are one fabulous babe).

Other selections include “Entuyons nous ensemble sur mon yacht, mon petit Chou” (Come away with me on my yacht, my little cabbage).

The “Wicked Italian” book offers even more practical phrases. The chapter “Shouting in Traffic” gives six suggestions, ranging from “Che pezzo di stupido!”(What a jerk!) to the more colorful “Speriamo che all’inferno le insegneranno a guidare” (Maybe they will teach you to drive in hell).— By Peter Greenberg, 1989

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia