Outrageous 18th C. Fashion Etiquette

Trends in fashion etiquette, which ruled at the court of Versailles and influenced fashion beyond France, were so over-the-top outrageous, that this parody of an elaborate “hairstyle” is not too far off from some of the actual style fads of the day. Titled “The Lady’s Maid, or Toilet Headdress,” this features an anonymous woman with her hair in an overly exaggerated inverted pyramid, which fills the greater part of the hair design and is supporting a dressing-table, draped with muslin festoons and holding a large oval mirror, a pair of candlesticks, vases of flowers, a watch, a pin-cushion, toiletries, a pair of buckles, rings, a necklace, two books, a pen, small scissors and more. circa 1776 

— Source British Museum .org

Ancient Fashion Jargon 

The language of the fashion plate and the woman’s paper is sufficiently appalling to the mere man even in these days of emancipated and, we may presume, more grammatical womanhood; but, according to an extract from a fashion journal of 1787, the jargon of those days was even more astounding. 

This is how the paper described the dress of a certain Mlle. D. at the opera: “She appeared in a dress of ‘stifled sighs,’ ornamented with ‘superfluous regrets,’ the bodice cut in a ‘perfect candor’ point and trimmed with ‘indiscreet complaints.’ Her hair was dressed in ‘sustained sentiments,’ with a headdress of ‘sustained conquest,’ ornamented with several ‘flyaways’ and ‘downcast eye’ ribbons, and her collar was ‘beggar on horseback’ color.”

No doubt all these marvelous terms conveyed some meaning to the fashionable woman of the days when French society danced on the edge of the volcano of 1789, but to their descendants of today, they have absolutely no meaning. — San Bernardino Sun, 1908

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and “A Rule of 3”

A Rule of Three from Etiquipedia’s Instagram and Twitter feeds. Follow us @Etiquipedia!

“A Rule of Three” goes hand-in-hand with building a stronger sense of purpose, fostering a healthy self-esteem and creating a wonderful role model for others. All of which also help one in the refinement of social graces and the skills to interact comfortably in all situations.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Restaurant Mobile Phone Manners

Have you checked us out on Instagram or Twitter yet? We’re @Etiquipedia

If you must have your mobile with you in a restaurant...

• Please keep it on silent mode.

• Please keep it off of the table — it’s not part of a place setting.

• Keep it in your handbag, briefcase or a pocket.

• If you must respond to someone, do it via text. 

• If you absolutely must take a call, excuse yourself from the table and go to the lobby or outside. 

• Take every caution to avoid “phubbing” others around you.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Polite Conversational Skills

Etiquipedia guesses there are other plagues much worse, but a brainless babbler can make one feel terribly sick. — “The worst plague of society is the inexhaustible verbosity of the brainless babbler, who talks without thought. Anybody can argue, only a few can converse. The use of the voice and manner of  speech in conversation are of first importance, as they are the truest indication of education and refinement, and betray the absence of this quality with painful directness.”

A good talker in a company can produce a variety of conversation without confusion; lead the minds of the company to evolve new ideas, and bring out the best in his or her neighbor without catechizing or contradicting. The great attraction in conversation is sincerity; a sincere word was never utterly lost, but comes back to do good in wholly unexpected and unthought of ways.  Conversation is an accomplishment difficult to master, and there is probably no instrument which is used so imperfectly as the human tongue. Every one of us has our acquaintances with whom talking is a delight, who can draw us out and enable us always to be at our best, while there are others who act as a brake on conversation; in spite of our every effort, while in their company, talk is halting, language clumsy and the tongue unable to meet the demands made upon it. 

The art of conversation should be taught to every child. The first and most essential rule is that one must be a first-rate listener, who appears mainly to be interested in the conversation about him or her; able by tact and judgment to put in the right word at the right moment, and, without interrupting the flow of ideas, to assist the progress of conversation. The worst plague of society is the inexhaustible verbosity of the brainless babbler, who talks without thought. Anybody can argue, only a few can converse. The use of the voice and manner of  speech in conversation are of first importance, as they are the truest indication of education and refinement, and betray the absence of this quality with painful directness. 

Conversation is raised in character in its ratio to the lack of personalities it contains and which should be avoided like poison. Keep away from the discussion of living persons, and especially of near persons. Personalities are a form of scandal-mongering, resulting in uncharitableness and injury, evidencing extreme poverty of intellectual resources. Random shots are dangerous and cruel and most frequently likely to hit the wrong person. The great secret of succeeding in conversation is to admire much, to hear much; to encourage others to do their best; to listen to what is said; never to go out of the way to lug in a fine word or phrase, and when the occasion comes, to make talk interesting, because of the originality of the central idea which serves as a pivot, and the fitness of the illustration, which illuminates the talk. 

To become a good talker no physical condition is necessary; stammerers have been most agreeable conversationalists. Not everybody can scintillate and amuse, for to excel in this is a gift of God. The majority are obliged, therefore, to depend on knowledge of current facts and events to keep up their end of the conversation, which requires study and application, but it is study which will be well repaid. Many a man and woman who has succeeded in life, can attribute their success to an agreeable way of putting things. It is only the fool who is troublesome in company. A man or woman of sense can soon see whether their talk is agreeable or tiresome and conclude any given topic, before it is talked out. 

The student of history who seeks for the animating source of the great movements that have changed the boundary lines of nations and improved the social condition of man, knows that the inspiration has resulted from the conversations moving unknown underneath revolutions, battles, and dynasties, which play their part on the visible stage. The fugitive talks of these pioneers in retirement, at the bench and in forge and mill, who have shaped the policies of nations and decided the progress of the world. Those who are masters of conversation stand on a vantage ground of real service not only socially, but materially. A man who knows how to talk well and listen well will, all things being equal, get along faster than the man of equal ability, hesitating in speech and unable to express himself. The one thing everlastingly to be tabooed, is indecent conversation. “Immodest words admit of no defense. For want of decency is want of sense.” — From The Lost Art of Conversation, 1909

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and Dinner Conversation

The tongue is the best member we possess, potentially not only an artist, but a philosopher, philanthropist, reformer and nurse all in one.
“The best of life is conversation.” –  Emerson    

The prosperous-appearing, but unhappy-looking, quartet pictured here have not received news of a distressing bereavement, nor are they brooding after a quarrel. Owing to their lack of ability to entertain each other by conversation, they are simply bored to death. Sounds from the restaurant orchestra, hidden under the palms, having ceased temporarily, they are so deficient in the quality of self-entertainment, they look and act as if life had no future attraction for them.

For this scene in actual life, look any night in the restaurants and hotel dining-rooms where people congregate. The decline in the art of conversation has made necessary the modern “eating orchestra,” which helps diners to fill up the gaps between noise in gabbling about fashion, gossip, scandal, etc. Once such topics are exhausted, the ordinary dining party is stumped and at the end of its intellectual rope.

Music, a sacred thing, capable of inspiring the understanding and lifting it to a realm which it could not reach if left to itself, is degraded when made the aid of gluttony and intemperance, and is being forced to take the place of conversation in the dining-room only because of a universal neglect to train the faculty of speech, a condition found and rapidly grown worse in all the civilized countries of the world.

Civilization has brought innumerable blessings and also many penalties. Few things in life are simple any more. The more we get, the more quarrelsome we become, and the more we desire. We fight not only for life, but for its superfluities —for the things money alone can buy; and this contest is taking us away from many of the finer enjoyments which, because being free as air to all who would seek them, are neglected. With the progress of civilization has gone the decline of conversation as an art.

Speech is the chief evolution of the mind and the first form it takes; the rapid advance of the art of printing; the cheapness of all forms of daily, weekly and montlily publications, have caused people to depend for their opinions on science, art, literature, religion, business, politics, etc., on a favorite paper, instead of measuring for themselves the facts presented, and through intellectual conversation at home, or in society, get the varied lights and viewpoints which would lead them to accurate personal judgment which might indeed not be different but more satisfactory.

Conversation, which has been described as the music of the mind, is an orchestra in which all instruments have an equal part but do not play together, and was in former days the principal means of knowledge, and might in our day, if encouraged and cultivated, be one of the greatest helps to pleasure and social intimacy. An old Hebrew poet said that the tongue is the best member we possess, potentially not only an artist, but a philosopher, philanthropist, reformer and nurse all in one. – From “The Lost Art of Conversation,” 1909

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

A Lady’s Writing-Desk Etiquette

Don't seal any letters that are going to tropical or very warm countries. The post-office authorities will usually reject them, as the sealing wax may melt and do damage to other mail.

Don’ts For Your Writing Desk

• Don't address any one as “My dear friend,” or “Dear Friend.” This is old fashioned and out of date. 
• Don't indulge in abbreviations in personal or social letters. In certain business letters certain customary abbreviations are usual which would be bad form in personal letters. 
• Don't used lined paper. If you can't possibly write straight use black lines under your note paper to guide you.  
• Don't write with pencil. It is bad enough to do it and worse yet to apologize for doing it. 
• Don't use a half sheet of paper when you have a little to write on the extra sheet. The economy you effect by dividing sheets in this way is too insignificant to think of for a moment. 
• Don't use colored inks jet black or a blue ink that dries almost black are the only sort sanctioned. 
• Don't use perfumed stationery. It may have been in good form once but it is certainly not at the present time.
• If there are any sachets in your writing desk, take them out. 
• Don't seal your letters unless you are a past master in the art. 
• Don't seal any letters that are going to tropical or very warm countries. The post-office authorities will usually reject them, as the sealing wax may melt and do damage to other mail. 

What Readers Ask... “I am a young girl of 20 and a boy friend of mine of whom I think of a good deal has gone away and has asked me to write. Would it be all right for me to write first or should I wait to hear from him?” Since he is the one who has left it would be customary to wait for him to write the first letter. It is usually the man’s place to write the first letter anyway. — Copyright, 1920, by the McClure Newspaper Syndicate.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for a Lady Traveling Alone

“If a woman is traveling alone and needs assistance, should a stranger of the male gender offer to aid her, she should feel under no further obligation than In recognizing him beyond a polite bow of thanks.” — Needless to say, if a stranger offers assistance, male or female,  should be expected in return other than a polite show expression of gratitude.

Traveling Alone

This is the season of the year when many women are forced to travel alone, especially on vacation trips, and there are many things that should be known regarding etiquette on such an occasion. If a woman is traveling alone and needs assistance, should a stranger of the male gender offer to aid her, she should feel under no further obligation than in recognizing him beyond a polite bow of thanks. The woman traveling alone should be as unobtrusive as can be possible, as the inexperienced traveler can brand herself in this way. 

If the window next to a woman alone is open and the dust is bothering the person behind, the least she can do is to close it. If she occupies a certain table in the dining-car and finds someone else in her place, she should not protest, but accept the situation graciously. It is not necessary to enter into conversation with the person across the table. On ocean steamers, however, it is not improper for strangers, who have not been introduced, to talk together, unless the traveler is a young girl. – Sacramento Union, 1909

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Cafeteria Code of Etiquette

Five Rules in the “Kid Written” Cafeteria Code of Etiquette

#2. Take up as little space at the table as possible.

Leave it to the Kids!

It takes the children to keep up with the times. What is probably the first code of etiquette expressly compiled for cafeteria patrons appeared in a recent issue of a school paper:

• Don’t push in the lunch line. 
• Take up as little space at the table as possible.
• Talk quietly.
• Use your handkerchief if you have to cough or sneeze.
• Eat slowly. 

This, according to the youthful editors, is the whole duty of those who patronize the self-serve. The points are timely and well taken. They deserve consideration by adults crowding into cafeterias the country over. Judging by their actions, many of the elders have failed to realize with the children, that good manners are more essential to comfort and good sense in these bread lines, than they are in the most formal dining room. – Press Democrat, 1922

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and a Vivacious Duchess

Duchess Anastasia of Mecklenburg-Schwerin (nee Grand Duchess Anastasia Mikhailovna Romanova of Russia) in her costume for the “Ball at the Winter Palace” in 1903 — “Prior to leaving for Cannes the Grand Duchess Anastasia acted as chaperon in Paris for a week for Mrs. Grahamme-White, formerly Dorothy Taylor, and the winsome American wife of the British aviator. The towering “Flatiron” form of the grand duchess, who is six feet two inches tall, and insists upon wearing futurist gowns of glaring colors, was a familiar figure at a smart sans souci tango palace, and Ciros restaurant. The grand duchess prides herself on her extensive American acquaintanceship.” – Photo source Pinterest

Royalty Leaving France for Winter 

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American Society Leaders Have Lost the 

Grand Dukes and Duchesses

PARIS, Dec. 27. —The American society leaders here have lost their Russian Grand Dukes and Grand Duchesses, and with their departure for different parts of Europe the winter’s social whirl has materially slackened. The greatest loss has been caused by the departure of the Grand Duchess Anastasia of Mecklenberg-Schwerin to the Rivera after spending a few brisk months as the chief guest at the tea and supper tango parties. These affairs, which have been given in the majority by Americans, proved the liveliest feature of the season. Prior to leaving for Cannes the Grand Duchess Anastasia acted as chaperon in Paris for a week for Mrs. Grahamme-White, formerly Dorothy Taylor, and the winsome American wife of the British aviator. The towering “Flatiron” form of the Grand Duchess, who is six feet, two inches, tall, and insists upon wearing futurist gowns of glaring colors, was a familiar figure at a smart sans souci tango palace, and Ciros restaurant. The Grand Duchess prides herself on her extensive American acquaintanceship. 

Since the opening of the present season, she has met in ball rooms and at dinner tables Mrs. W. B. Leeds, Anthony Drexel, Duchess De La Rochefocauld, nee Mitchell; Princess Albert Radziwill, Countess Stanislas De Castellane, nee Terry; Mr. and Mrs. Perry Belmont, Mr. and Mrs. Harry Lehr, and Mrs. Moncurex Robinson, as well as numerous less prominent members of the American colony. Although 53 years old, the Grand Duchess is still vivacious as a kitten and claims to be the best royal tango dancer in Europe. Her oft recurring desire for a social fling forces her to cling to Paris, because some years ago the Kaiser banned her from the Prussian court, and she rarely sees her daughter, the wife of the Crown Prince. 

She is also ostracized by other European courts and the only people who tolerate her socially are the French and American hostesses, who regard her battering of court etiquette only with amusement. Paris makes full allowance for her effervescent Romanoff spirits. Just as the young Russian Princess, Marie, had to fly to Paris recently, because she could not tolerate the stiff, unbending ceremony forced upon her at Stockholm, after her marriage to Prince Frederick of Sweden, so the Grand Duchess of Mecklenberg-Schwerin, who before her marriage was Anastasia Michailovna, could not help breaking the bonds of German court restraint and flitting to Paris for social freedom. She plans entertaining on a large scale this winter in her villa at Cannes, which is always an open house to American guests.— Morning Press, 1913

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Fashionable Etiquette and Hypnosis

Was she hypnotized? “Kitty” dances the tango on television’s Mr. Selfridge — Argentine tango is a musical genre and accompanying social dance originating at the end of the 19th century in the suburbs of Buenos Aires and Montevideo. 

Tango Dance Etiquette 101: Respect ... the person you are dancing with, Respect ... the culture and heritage of Tango, Respect ... the music and the band, Respect ... the people around you. 

Photo credit Pinterest, Etiquette tips from “Tango Dance Concepts”

Society Takes Up Hypnotic Dancing

PARIS, Feb. 19. —Hypnotism applied to dancing is the latest Parisian fad. It was launched last night at a fashionable ball by Mrs. Caro Campbell and Senorlta Umbra Luigini, two of the most beautiful leaders of fashionable society this season. The intricacies of the tango and the complications of the fox trot will no longer be unapproachable by the uninitiated If the new "art” proves what its patronesses claim it to be. All that is needed, they say, is a few minutes of hypnotism practiced upon a willing devotee. — International News Service, 1920

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia@ Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Dressing Etiquette at Versailles

Another Valet of the Wardrobe brought a clean shirt, but he had no right to hand it to the persons who were to put it on the King. The honor of handing the clean shirt to those persona was reserved to the sons and daughters of France, or, in their absence, to the Princes of the Blood or those legitimatized, or in default of these, to the Grand Chamberlain or the First Gentleman of the Bedchamber.

A hundred years ago, the Court of France was ruled by an etiquette so pompous and ceremonious as to make the King’s life a burden to himself and a jest to a philosopher. He was never alone, except at rare intervals. The eyes of forty or fifty persons saw him dress and undress, and the operation of putting on his shirt was something fearful. The Grand Master of the Wardrobe drew off the King’s nightshirt by the right arm, and the First Valet of the Wardrobe by the left arm, and both of them united in handing the nightshirt to an officer of the wardrobe. Another Valet of the Wardrobe brought a clean shirt, but he had no right to hand it to the persons who were to put it on the King. The honor of handing the clean shirt to those persona was reserved to the sons and daughters of France, or, in their absence, to the Princes of the Blood or those legitimatized, or in default of these, to the Grand Chamberlain or the First Gentleman of the Bedchamber. The shirt having been regularly and formally delivered, the First Valet of the Wardrobe and the First Valet de Chambre held up the garment by the right and left sleeves respectively, while two other valets extended a dressing gown in front of the King to serve as a screen. Behind this screen, his Majesty at last got the shirt on his back. Every day, immediately after being dressed, the King said his prayers. And it is to be hoped that he never failed to offer up a devout thanksgiving for having passed safely through the awful process of putting on his shirt, and that the coming man, would be able to make for the coming King, shirts that could be put on with more ease and less ceremony. – The Morning Union, 1883

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

The Etiquette of Dance, 1860

The greatest familiarity between persons of opposite sexes, is, a gentleman placing one hand on a lady’s waist, while she rests one hand on his shoulder and holds his disengaged hand in the other. 

Mrs. Swisshelm on Dancing – It is worthy of note, that those churches and people who most strenuously oppose dancing, have already encouraged and practiced it under other names. Like the temperance man who would not drink cider, but had no objection to a glass of apple juice, our opponents of dancing have their children taught the art under the name of Calisthenics, and practice it when it is called Plays. For it is a remarkable fact, that those old time favorites of religious communities, ‘Dear Sister Phoebe,’ ‘Ring Round Rosy,’ ‘All a Marching to Quebec,’ ‘The White Cockade,’ ‘Copenhagen,’ etc., etc., are, every one of them, cotillions and contra dances, performed to vocal and instrumental music. 

The difference between the religious dance, is that in the former, every man in the room is compelled, on pain of breach of etiquette, to kiss every woman in the room; and, vice versa, that it is quite in order for married women to sit down on the knees of young gentlemen, put their arms around their necks, bring two pair of lips together with a smack, and do any amount of hugging. While, in a profane dance, even those of most doubtful propriety, the greatest familiarity between persons of opposite sexes, is, a gentleman placing one hand on a lady’s waist, while she rests one hand on his shoulder and holds his disengaged hand in the other. The churches, therefore, who set up rules against dancing, are fairly and squarely committed to the doctrine that promiscuous dancing is all right, and pious, and innocent, provided it is accompanied by promiscuous kissing, with a suitable amount of hugging and general rough and tumble. While, without these refining and elevating additions it is an evil on evil, and that continually. 

There is no escaping this conclusion, for the anti-dancing churches and Christians are too openly committed in favor of these vulgar plays for an intelligent man to deny, that either they have acted blindly, or that the kissing and hugging sanctifies the dancing. Now, since all the experience of the past proves that people will dance, even grave and reverend deacons, we are in favor of the dancing without the etceteras. But, apart from all comparisons, we regard dancing as a positive good, as something which requires no apology, but is inherently right in itself, and efficient means of perfecting, refining and cultivating the crowning work of God’s creation, a means appointed and directly approved by the Creator himself! It is liable to abuse, and the object of reformers should be to regulate, not to abolish it. – St. Cloud Democrat, 1860

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and the Royal Breakfast

 The Prince of Wales’ set recently adopted the idea from the French and all London’s rapidly taking up the custom! – No doubt the Americans who have gone to England to help celebrate the Queen's Jubilee will return imbued with the idea that soup for breakfast is the only proper and polite thing. The custom has long been prevalent in France, and is now being introduced in London.

The Prince’s New Breakfast 

The Prince of Wales Has Recently Set the Fashion 

No doubt the Americans who have gone to England to help celebrate the Queen's Jubilee will return imbued with the idea that soup for breakfast is the only proper and polite thing. The custom has long been prevalent in France, and is now being introduced in London. “At all the first-class cafés in Paris,” says a gentleman recently returned from the other side, “the patrons can get soups of various kinds for breakfast, and a great many Parisians sip soup before putting anything more substantial in their stomachs. In London, two months ago, Henry White, the swell secretary of the American legation, invited me to breakfast, and the first thing on the menu was soup. He told me that the Prince of Wales’ set had recently adopted the idea from the French and that all London was rapidly taking up the custom.” 

Mr. White set the pace for Americans over there, and whether or not he entertains all of his countrymen who are flocking to the Queen’s Jubilee, he can introduce enough of them to this new fad to cause the whole outfit to come back home singing its praises. “It is really one of the most sensible gastronomic innovations I can imagine. Soup, when properly made, is both soothing and stimulating. The over-taxed stomach of the average American needs both to be soothed and stimulated the first thing in the morning. Therefore, I look for the soup idea to become immediately popular when it is brought over by our tourists. Doubtless they will invent a name for it, as the fashionable folk of this country are afraid to risk their standing among the gourmets by eating for breakfast a dish with so plain and vulgar a name as ‘soup’.” – Los Angeles Herald, 1897

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

British Coronation Etiquette – King Henry V

Tom Hiddleston portraying Henry V in the 2012 British television film based on the play of the same name by William Shakespeare. It was the fourth film in the series of television films called “The Hollow Crown.”

Remarkable incidents in this most important occasion of a British ruler’s life. Striking features of ceremony from the earliest day to the last great Coronation event of the 19th Century

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The Coronation of England’s Henry V

In the age of the Plantagenets, Tudors and under the Stuarts, until the Coronation of James II, it was customary for Kings to reside in the Tower of London for some time, previous to the Coronation. On the Saturday before the Coronation, the Sovereign went from Westminster to the Tower of London, attended by great numbers of the Nobility and civic dignitaries, and by those people who were to be Knighted, and who watched their arms that night. Each squire had a chamber allotted him, and a bath in which he bathed. The ensuing day after mass, the Sovereign created them Knights. After their investiture they were permitted to sit down in the King's presence, but during the whole time of dinner, they were rot allowed to partake of any part, of the entertainment. The Queens in their own right, Mary and Elizabeth, though they girded the swords on the Knights with their own-hands, did not give the accolade or blow, which is the determinate action that impresses the character of Knighthood. At both Coronations, Henry, Earl of Arundel, performed this office. A copy of his appointment is to be found in Rymer.

Henry V was Crowned on the 9th of April, 1413. Katherine of France, the Queen of Henry V, was Crowned on the 24th of February, 1420. The account which Holinshed gives of the magnificence displayed upon this occasion is far too characteristic of the age to be omitted: “After the great solemnization of the foresaid Coronation in the church of St. Peter’s, at Westminster, was ended, the Queene was conveied into the great Hall of Westminster, and there set to dinner. Upon whose right hand sat, at the end of the table, the Archbishop of Canterbury and Henrie surnamed the Rich, Cardinall of Winchester. 

Upon the left hand of the Queene sat the King of Scots in his estate who was served with covered masse, as were the foresaid Bishops, but yet after them. Upon the left hand, next to the cupboard, sat the maoir and his brethren, the aldermen of London. The Bishops began the table, against the Barons of the Cinque Ports; and the Ladies against the maior. These, with, others, ordered the service, and, for the first course, brawne in mustard, eels in burneur, pike in herbage, fuiment with balien, lamprie powdered, trout, codling, plaice fried, martine fried trout, codling, plaice fried crabs, leech lumbard flourished tartes and a device called a pelican, sitting on hir nest, with hir birds and an image of St. Katherine holding a booke and disputing with doctors. 

“The second course was gellie coloured with columbine flowers, whits potage or creame of almonde, breame of the sea, conger, cheuen, barbil, and roch, fresh salmon, haliba, gurnard, rochet broilee, smelts, fried, crevis, or lobster, leechdamaske, with the King's posie flourished thereon. The third course was dates in compost, creame motle, carp deore, turbut, tench perch with goion, fresh turgion with welks, porperous rosted, creves da cau doure, branis, eeles rosted with lamprie, a leech, called the white leech, flourished with hawthorne leaves and red hawes; a marchpane garnished with diverse figures of angels.”– San Francisco Call, 1901

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette for Salt And Such

Individual salt cellars have the ability to elevate any place setting. They can take a look from “How nice...” to “How elegant!” Or, from “Drabulous to fabulous!” as a friend once enthused. And though we are not suggesting that salts and peppers are set on a table merely for decorative purposes, Etiquipedia kindly requests that you politely taste your food first, prior to adding anything like salt. Even after tasting the food, do not send a “non-verbal” complaint to the host or hostess by making a show of heavily salting and peppering your meal. As a thoughtful guest, please remember that you are not there to eat, but to dine and enjoy the company of your hosts.

– Photo of a Michael Aram salt cellar and salt spoon

Salt Etiquette, 

with a Touch of Pepper

🍴Polite guests always taste food prior to adding salt –or adding any spice or condiment– out of respect and graciousness to those who have prepared a meal, or invited one to a meal.

🍴If you are a guest, even after tasting the food, take care not make a show of salting your food. This is rude. It implies that the meal is “less than it should be.” It also could imply that you have an unsophisticated palate and are not able to taste subtle flavors in the meal. If invited to dinner in a private home, “non-verbal complaints” like salting food before tasting, or pouring catsup all over your food, is most impolite.

🍴In some countries, like Portugal, it is impolite to even ask for salt. It is considered an insult to the chef, whether you are a guest in someone’s home, or in restaurants.  If salt, pepper, other spices or condiments are not on the table, do not ask for them to be brought to you.

🍴The etiquette rule above applies in the reverse situation, as well. If one is hosting someone from another culture or country, and they prefer to have salt and pepper at the table, though it is not the norm for you, feel free to provide these items to make your guests feel more welcome. 

🍴 If invited as a guest to eat in a restaurant, or perhaps a wedding reception or birthday celebration, and someone else is paying the tab, such non-verbal complaints about the meal are impolite, as well. Remember, you are a guest!

🍴If asked to pass the salt, always pass it with the pepper, so that the two do not get separated.

🍴 Always say, "Excuse me" if you need to reach in front of someone caught up in conversation, when passing salt (or anything else) at the table.

🍴Be aware of those around you at the table. If the salt is nearest you (this also applies to butter, rolls, etc...) don't allow yourself to be so caught up or lost in your conversation, that someone has to reach in front of you to pass the requested item.

🍴 Judith Martin shakes out “The Salt and Pepper Question”

Q: In a set of identical salt and pepper shakers, should the salt be placed in the shaker with one or two holes? My friend's feeling is that the salt is used more, therefore it should go in the two-hole shaker; I feel that because it pours faster, the salt belongs in the shaker with one hole. We resolve to abide by your decision. 

A: If Miss Manners were to tell you, in a blustery way, to use salt cellars and pepper grinders, would you consider it a cop-out, as it were? Yes, of course you would. The truth is that Miss Manners didn't know that salt pours faster than pepper, and is now sitting here with little black and white specks all over her lap. Just a minute. (Brush, brush, brush.) 

All right now, the decision is that your friend's reasoning is incorrect, but her conclusion is correct. (Miss Manners used to get her arithmetic papers back with that remark.) Salt goes in the two-hole shaker, not because it is used more often, but because more of it is used. Put another way; over-peppered food tastes worse than over-salted food. – Miss Manners, Copyright (c) 1979 and United Feature Syndicate 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

British Coronation Etiquette – Queen Elizabeth I

Actress Cate Blanchett in one of her fine film portrayals of Elizabeth I – By the end of Elizabeth’s I reign, in his “Court and Country,” of 1618, Nicholas Breton gives an instructive account of the strict rules which were drawn up for observance in great households at that time, and says that the gentlemen who attended on great Lords and Ladies had enough to do to carry these orders out. “Not a trencher must be laid or a napkin folded awry; not a dish misplaced; not a capon carved or a rabbit unlaced contrary to the usual practice; not a glass filled or a cup uncovered save at the appointed moment: everybody must stand, speak, and look according to regulation.”

Remarkable incidents in this most important occasion of a British ruler’s life. Striking features of ceremony from the earliest day to the last great Coronation event of the 19th Century

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The Coronation of England’s Elizabeth I

Speed's account of the procession of Queen Elizabeth contains some particulars' too remarkable to be omitted. “All things in readiness, upon the fourteenth of January, with great triumphes and suptuous shewes, shee passed thorow London, towards “Westminster, to receive her Imperiall Crowne; but before she entered her chariot in the Tower, acknowledging that the seat was God's into which shee was to enter, and shee his viceregent to wield the English sceptre: in that royall assembly, with eyes and hands elevated to heaven, upon her knees, she prayed for his assistance, as Solomon did for wisdome when he tooke the like charge: with a thankful remembrance unto God for his continued preservation, which had brought her thorow great dangers unto that present dignitie.”

She was crowned the 5th of January, 1555, by Oglethorpe, Bishop of Carlisle, the see of Canterbury being vacant by the death of Cardinal Pole. Holinshed says that she composed the following prayer as she went to her coronation: “O Lord Almightie and Everlasting God, I give thee most heartle thanks that thou hast beene so merciful into me, as to spare me to behold this joifull daie. And I acknowledge that thou has delt as wonderfullie and as merciefullie with me as thou didst with thy true and faithful servant Daniell, thy prophet, whome thou delivered out of the den from the crueltie of the greedy and roaring lions. Even so was I overwhelmed, and only by thee delivered. To thee, therefore, onelle be thanks, honor and praise for ever. Amen.” – San Francisco Call, 1901

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

British Coronation Etiquette – King Henry VIII

Henry VIII acted like an animal at times, but not while dining. Yes, even many “etiquette experts” get it wrong. One was quoted as saying this, upon the release of his 2013 book of etiquette: “In Henry VIII’s time it was good manners to chuck lamb bones over one’s shoulder for the greyhounds to feed. That would cause raised eyebrows these days.” Au contraire, mon frère! When it comes to table manners, we have no grounds to feel superior to Henry VIII. He observed complex etiquette. True, there was at least one occasion when Henry threw sugar-plums at his guests, and, given the gallons of sweetened wine consumed, meals must sometimes have got out of hand. Yet the general rules of table were politer than our own. If Henry overindulged (and surely he did, his waist thickening to 54in after a jousting accident in 1536), he did so with aplomb. Hands were washed before, during and after every meal. He had a special fingerbowl – heated in a chafing dish – and a designated napkin to protect his fine ‘manchet’ bread roll. When he had eaten enough, he stood and washed his hands while an usher brushed crumbs from his royal person.

Remarkable incidents in this most important occasion of a British ruler’s life. Striking features of ceremony from the earliest day to the last great Coronation event of the 19th Century

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The Coronation of England’s Henry VIII

Henry VIII was extremely fond of pageantry and he was particularly anxious about the ceremonials of his Coronation. The Londoners seconded his desires, and when, after having created twenty-four Knights of the Bath, he rode through London from the Tower, June 22. 1509, the streets were hung with tapestry and cloth of arras, and a great part of the south side of Cheap and part of Cornhill were hung with cloth of gold. The several companies and civic dignitaries lined the streets, and Hall tells us:

“The goldsmiths’ stalls unto the end of the Old Change, being replenished with virgins in white, with branches of white wax; the priestes and clearkes in rich copes, with crosses end censers of silver, censing his grace and the Queene also as they passed. The Queene Katherine was sitting in hir litter, borne by two white palfries, the litter covered and richlie apparelled, and the palfries trapped in white cloth of gold: her person aparelled in white satin imbroidered, hir hair hanging downe to hir backe, beautlfull and goodlie to behold, and on hir head a coronall set with manie rich orient stones.” The Coronation was celebrated with brilliant “justs and turneies” which the King and Queen witnessed from “a faire house covered with tapestrie.” 

– San Francisco Call, 1901

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

British Coronation Etiquette – Queen Victoria

Even though an entire era of purported graceful living and good manners was named after Victoria, her manners needed quite a bit of work – According to Kate Hubbard, in her book, “Serving Victoria: Life in the Royal Household” Victoria, “loved her food. She was greedy and she gobbled. She liked her dinners to last no more than half an hour. Guests would quite often find their plates whisked away while they were still eating because once she had finished, all the plates were removed. She was a hearty eater and she was a fast eater.” And as for courtly conversation" at the table? She did not like politics to be brought up, and, oddly, “She didn't like marriage being discussed in front of her youngest daughter, Beatrice, before Beatrice married. Anyone who mentioned marriage at dinner was swiftly reprimanded.”

Remarkable incidents in this most important occasion of a British ruler’s life. Striking features of ceremony from the earliest day to the last great Coronation event of the 19th Century

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The Coronation of England’s Victoria

At seventeen minutes past three on the morning of June 28, 1838, a Royal salute of twenty-one guns announced that the sun was then rising upon the Coronation day of Victoria. By 4 o'clock the streets were so thronged with carriages and pedestrians, that they were in many places impassable and the whole population seemed to have poured out in the direction of the parks and of Westminster Abbey. It was not until half-past ten that her Majesty's carriage passed Apsley House. It moved on amid the loud acclamations of her subjects. The state coach was drawn by eight cream-colored horses and attended by a yeoman of the guard at each wheel and two footmen at each floor. 

Endless grooms and guards attended the long procession. It was as splendid as befitted the rejoicing of the people over a Coronation, that made them happier than any since the time of Alfred. The London Sun of the 28th reported that: The Queen, attended, passed to the altar. Her Majesty, kneeling upon the cushion, made her first offering of a pail of altar-cloth of gold, which was delivered by an Officer of the Wardrobe to the Lord Chamberlain, by his Lordship to the Lord Great Chamberlain, and by him to the Queen, who delivered it to the Archbishop of Canterbury, by whom it was placed on the altar.

After elaborate services followed the sermon by the Bishop of London, then came the oath and the anointing. Then there were further ceremonies of the spurs, the sword, the mantle, the orb, ring and scepters, and at last came the Dean of Westminster bearing the Crown. Tho Archbishop took and placed it on her Majesty's head, when the people, with loud and repeated, shouts, cried: “God save the Queen.” There was a doffing of caps, a sound of trumpets, a beating of drums, a firing of guns. The old report says: “Never did we hear louder or more hearty plaudits, that almost rent the walls of the old abbey, setting at naught all etiquette and ceremony, than those which burst from the lips and hearts of her attached and loyal people, when the Crown was placed on the head of their young and lovely Sovereign.” –San Francisco Call, 1901

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

British Coronation Etiquette – Henry II and Richard I

From the 1968 film “Lion in Winter,” Peter O’Toole (second from right) portrayed Henry II and Anthony Hopkins (third from left) portrayed Richard I – Richard I was the third son of Henry II and Duchess Eleanor of Aquitaine. Richard I reigned over England from July 6, 1189 to April 6, 1199. He was also held the titles of Duke of Normandy, Aquitaine and Gascony, Lord of Cyprus, Count of Poitiers, Anjou, Maine, and Nantes. Despite fictional representations of him, more accurate history shows him to have been at times, a violent man, but an excellent soldier. He was considered a poor King, which may explain why he spent so little of his reign in England, leaving William de Longchamp and his mother, as regents in his place.

Remarkable incidents in this most important occasion of a British ruler’s life. Striking features of ceremony from the earliest day to the last great Coronation event of the 19th Century

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The Coronation of England’s Henry II

Henry II was Crowned at Westminster on the Sunday before Christmas day, A.D. 1154, by Theobald, Archbishop of Canterbury. Although his hereditary right was unquestionable, he was formally elected by the clergy and people. It is said that Henry was Crowned again with his Queen, A.D. 1159, but this report arose from his having worn the Crown during the ceremony.

The Coronation of England’s Richard I

Duke Richard, having made all necessary preparations for his Coronation, came to London, where he assembled the Archbishops of Canterbury, Rouen and Tours, who had given him absolution in Normany for waging war against his father after he had taken the cross as a Crusader. First, the Archbishops, Bishops, Abbotts and clergy, wearing their square caps and preceded by the cross and holy water bearers and deacons burning incense, went to the door of the royal bedchamber and led the Duke in solemn procession to the great altar of the church of Westminster. When they reached the altar Richard swore, in the presence of the clergy and people on the holy gospel and the sacred relics, that he would observe peace, honor and respect all the days of his life to God, holy church and its ordinances. 

His attendants then stripped him to his trousers and shirt, the latter of which was left open between the shoulders on account of the anointing. Baldwin, Archbishop of Canterbury, who wore rich buskins of cloth of gold, then anointed the King in three places, on the head, between the shoulders and on the right arm. A consecrated linen coif and a cap of estate were then placed upon his head and he was vested with the royal robes, the lamatic and the tunic. The Archbishop then delivered him a sword to restrain the enemies of the church. Two Earls then buckled on his spurs and invested him with the pall of state; after which Baldwin conjured him in the name of God and forbade him to take the crown unless he were firmly resolved in his heart and soul to observe all the promises to which he had sworn. 

The festivities were sullied by a sanguinary and disgraceful riot. Numbers of Jews had flocked to England in the reign of Henry II, where they were honorably protected by that liberal and enlightened Sovereign. Grateful for such unusual favors, they assembled at London to subscribe themselves in order to make Richard a splendid present on the day of his Coronation. Unfortunately, Richard was persuaded by some of the bigots who surrounded him that the Jews were accustomed to practice magic on Sovereigns during the time of the Coronation, and he therefore issued an edict prohibiting any Jew from entering the church while the ceremony was being performed, or appearing at the palace during dinner. Curiosity overcame prudence. Several of the most considerable Jews mingled with the crowd and gathered around the gates of the palace. One of them, endeavoring to force an entrance, was struck in the face by an overzealous Christian. This signal aroused the fanaticism of the multitude. 

A general assault was made upon the Jews, who fled in confusion toward the city. Some wretches, eager for plunder, raised a cry that the King had given orders for the extermination of the unbelieving Jews; and, as this was by no means improbable, when the King was a Crusader, it received implicit credit. The city mob, swelled by the multitudes who had come from the country, attacked the houses of the Jews, which the inhabitants defended with great courage and obstinacy. The enraged populace, when night came on, finding, that they could not break into tho houses, hurled brands and torches on the roofs and through the windows. Conflagrations burst forth in various parts of the city, which consumed not only the houses of the Jews but those of the Christians. Richard caused several of the ringleaders and most notorious malefactors to be apprehended the next day. They were hanged, as a terror to others, a proclamation was issued taking the Jews under the Royal protection, and the tranquillity of the city was restored. – San Francisco Call, 1901

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

British Coronation Etiquette – William II, Henry I and King Stephen

King William Rufus (William II) House of Normandy 1087 - 1100 – According to ‘Live as Free People.com,’ Rufus and his younger brother and successor, Henry I, were trained in the household of the Archbishop Lanfranc of Canterbury.Before the Norman conquest in England, between 10% and 30% of the population was held in slavery. Slaves were treated as human chattel. Slaves could be sold, beaten and branded. It was a sin for a master to kill a slave, but not considered a crime.

–Photo source Wayne Miles, Pictify

Remarkable incidents in this most important occasion of a British ruler’s life. Striking features of ceremony from the earliest day to the last great Coronation event of the 19th Century

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The Coronation of England’s William II, Rufus

William II laid claim to the Crown by virtue of a form of election, the nobles believing that he would be less inclined to control their usurped privileges than William’s elder brother, Robert. He was Crowned at Westminster September 27, 1086. by Lafranc, Archbishop of Canterbury, and the Archbishop of York. Besides swearing to observe justice, equity and mercy in all his conduct, and to maintain the peace, liberties and privileges of the church, he promised that he would follow the Archbishop's counsels in his administrations.

Both Henry and his brother, Rufus, were knighted by the Archbishop Lanfranc of Canterbury. , Henry in 1086, as an eighteen-year-old, Rufus at an unknown date, but probably at eighteen as well (by 1079). Here are seven knightly accomplishments that a young man had to do: Swimming, falconry, song-writing, chess (newly fashionable), riding, archery, and combat. 

The Coronation of England’s of King Henry I

The Coronation of Henry I was performed in a hurried manner on the fourth day after the death of Rufus. In every respect the forms of his Coronation were the same as those of the Saxon Kings.

King Stephen was altogether a different character than was usual in his family . The very antithesis of his uncle, Henry I and his grandfather William the Conqueror. According to contemporary chroniclers, he was known to have had an attractive personality and was good natured and courteous, he was also lacking in resolution, weak-willed, did not enforce law and order and anarchy was the inevitable result. The lords recognised these weaknesses and exploited them to their own advantage. Robber barons became a law unto themselves and built unlicensed castles from which they terrorised the populace. – English Monarchs.com

The Coronation of England’s King Stephen

The coronation of Stephen, after he had sworn allegiance to the Empress Matilda, was viewed with much anxiety in an age when it was supposed that the punishment of perjury was immediate and visible. The ceremony was performed by William, Archbishop of Canterbury, and it is said that a dreadful storm arose which threw all the parties into such confusion, that the consecrated water fell on the ground, the Kiss of Peace after the sacrament was omitted, and even the final benediction forgotten. – San Francisco Call, 1901

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia