Milk Etiquette... Like Fine Wine

Diplomats, you know, set great store by protocol and other social niceties. And wine drinking is steeped in ritual, tradition and formality. Milk-drinking, on the other hand, has almost no etiquette of its own.
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Develop Milk Protocol To Rival Wine Niceties

WASHINGTON (UPI) - At President Johnson’s suggestion, U. S. ambassadors recently began serving mostly American wines, rather than foreign vintages, at dinners and receptions overseas. Let us now hear from Rep. Samuel S. Stratton. D-N.Y., whose home district includes both vineyards and dairy farms. In his weekly newsletter, Stratton commended to the attention of the State Department the product of the little old winemakers in his consituency. “Drink Finger Lakes.” he urged. Then, in deference to the cowmen, he added. “I can't help wondering if perhaps the quality of our international diplomacy might not have been enhanced if more milk had been consumed .” Stratton may have a point there, but I rather doubt that milk will become a beverage of diplomacy until something is done about its image. 

Indulge in Niceties 

Diplomats, you know, set great store by protocol and other social niceties. And wine drinking is steeped in ritual, tradition and formality. Milk-drinking, on the other hand, has almost no etiquette of its own. You just slop some of the stuff into a big jelly glass and gulp it down. The first thing to do is to stop delivering milk in thick glass jugs and unesthetic paper cartons. It should be poured from crystal decanters by candlelight. A different milk should be served with each course: skim milk with the salad, homogenized with the entree and buttermilk with dessert. With each in a different type of goblet. The skims and wholes are preferable chilled, but the buttermilks, both cultured and churned, should be served at room temperature. 

Develop Connoisseurs 

The next thing to do is develop milk connoisseurs — experts who can discuss in esoteric lingo the bouquet, texture and flavor of individual milks and identify their backgrounds. The conversations should go something like this: “I believe you will find this next buttermilk interesting. It can hardly be called ‘noble,’ of course, but you have to admire its spirit.” ‘‘Ah, yes, it has a spunky quality that is almost presumptuous. Judging from the tang, which is a bit on the mellow side. I’d say that it came from a 3-year-old Guernsey who grazes on clover on the shady side of a hill 45 miles northwest of Madison. Wis.” Once these criteria have been met, and a little alcohol is added, milk will be well on its way toward winning diplomatic recognition. — From ‘Dick West Reports,’ 1965

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia