Appearance and Manners Matter

“I know in my heart that man is good. That what is right will always eventually triumph. And there's purpose and worth to each and every life.” Ronald Reagan  – Politically, Ronald Reagan’s looks and acting experience gave him an edge, whenever he was on television. Statesmanship requires good manners and tact, and both were qualities that Reagan exuded. He conveyed a quality of leadership that brought people together naturally.

Looking at Looks and TV Manners

Republican gubernatorial contender George Christopher challenged his GOP rival, actor Ronald Reagan, to a television debate on the issues, even though, he said, he might be, “at a disadvantage esthetically.” His attractive wife, Tula, promptly disagreed, saying “George is much better looking than Mr. Reagan.’’ Reagan himself, formally announced his candidacy in a TV appearance on 15 stations, thus cutting himself off from television revenues for the duration of the campaign.

Most everyone remembers the TV battle of Richard Nixon and the late President Kennedy. The question of appearance and TV manners played an important part in the campaign. Everyone agrees that political contests should not resolve themselves into TV beauty contests or depend on a candidate’s ability to play the banjo or piano, but what is happening? There is no question but that we should take a good look at a candidate’s record, ability and reputation, but we are more apt to look at his looks.– LaHabra Star, 1966

Etiquette Enthusiast, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Manners Over Measurements

If an uninhibited friend unexpectedly wants to show you her newly augmented breasts, you may find yourself at a loss for words. It’s an odd scenario more common than you might think. It’s wise to be prepared on handling such cosmetic surgery scenarios with tact. On his blog, Little Rock Cosmetic Surgeon, Dr. Rhys Branman says: Women with newly augmented breasts are often proud of their new look and eager to show their results to a close friend or two. If she’s willing to share her experience and you want to hear more, feel free to ask questions. By making the first move, she has invited you to discuss—she will probably be happy to tell all. Don’t have time to talk about it all right then? She’ll probably be flattered if you suggest a later one-on-one conversation where you can get all the details. You think her actions are inappropriate and feel caught off guard. How do you keep calm and move on without a hitch? Dr. Branman says: It’s natural for you to blush at first glance, but beyond that, keep your cool. Say something that is supportive but neutral, such as, “I’m so happy you like your results,” and then move on to a new subject. Try to understand that your friend probably didn’t mean to make you feel weird—she’s just excited and wants to share what has likely been a positive, life-changing event for her.

Syndicated “Dear Dr. Steincrohn” on

“The Bust Problem” of 1962

I have received scores of letters from women during the past few months who were anxious to have plastic surgery for what they considered a deficiency in their bust measurements. Some were moderately unhappy, others almost hysterical. I included a few of their letters In this column. My purpose was to give readers the viewpoint of others faced with similar problems. Now comes the suggestion by a mere male. I think his views will give most women a mental uplift.

Dear Dr. Steincrohn: May I get into this discussion of breasts and busts? The average woman is conditioned by the success of well-known screen stars with oversized measurements. She quickly concludes that unless a woman has at least a 38-inch measurements she will have difficulty finding her man—or holding him, if she is already married. Every man has dated some women he thought were beautiful only to find that beauty, however adequate in terms of numbers, vanishes in completely vapid, unintelligent conversation, ill manners, and lack of sympathy and understanding. 

I think the average woman forgets that proportion and not numbers is the important consideration; and that being out of proportion is unattractive because it jars the vision. A short, fairly slender girl with a 40-inch bust is out of proportion and looks top-heavy. A tall, fairly rawboned girl with a 34-inch bust would also be out of proportion. To be attractive a woman must be well-proportioned and dress neatly and walk like a woman. In all her actions, which incude walk, talk, dress, manners, she must exude pride in being a woman. If she can do this and neither feel superior or inferior to a man, and be content to be his friend, partner, and lover, softly sympathetic and softly understanding, then measurements aside, she will find love, contentment, and happiness. Tape measures are for the wastebasket!—Mr. P.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Japanese Etiquette and Kissing

Young love blossoms in the wonderful Japanese film, “Our Little Sister”... “Public displays of affection have always been frowned upon, and still generally are: a kiss on the lips is serious business.” Western-style, or American-style kissing, was not something many Japanese had seen, as it was cut out of movies shown there until after WWII. When many first saw it, they considered it strange, if not to mention, unhygienic. 

“There are all kinds of kissing all over the world, but traditionally, in Japan there has only been two kinds and they are the romantic kissing done by couples or kissing babies. Public displays of affection have always been frowned upon, and still generally are: a kiss on the lips is serious business.” – Source of quotes, JapanToday.com, 2012. Photo source Pinterest

The  Notion Counter... He Wants Kissing Taught

As more or less generally known, kissing has never been developed to any great extent, either as a science or as an art, among the Japanese. Some time ago, Judd Mortimer Lewis, famed columnist of the Houston Post-Dispatch, visited the flowery kingdom, and noting the neglect of this delectable practice, humorously suggested the establishment of a chair of osculation at a Japanese university, going so far as to offer his services as instructor. 

A forward-looking native, who perhaps had visited the Occident, eagerly expressed approval of the idea, in the following letter to Mr. Lewis: 

‘‘I am the only investigator on kissing in Japan. Kissing must be known of the Japanese, but they do not care for it. The Japanese governor does not permit to teaching them obviously even if it is so important a thing in etiquette. I wrote five times an essay on kissing,  but the Japanese Metropolitan Police look at them as demoralization. You say you will be able to be the lecturer on kissing. The day will come, I am wishing, when I myself will teach. The Japanese government are cutting the scene of kissing in the film without the knowledge of it.”

- LaHabra Star News, 1933

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette of Second-Time Brides

Not proper? “It’s not true that white is improper for a second wedding, say etiquette experts, however a veil symbolizes maidenhood, and is taboo for a second marriage.”

Woman Marrying Second Time Faces Lots Of Ceremony Taboos

The divorcee or widow who marries for the second time, often faces many taboos. Take the matter of the white dress. It’s not true that white is improper for a second wedding, say etiquette experts. The custom of a white dress has its origins in economics. In early Saxon days, the poorer bride dressed in a plain white robe to show that she brought nothing with her to her marriage. This indicated that her husband was not responsible for her debts. 

Although there is no restriction against wearing white, the bride’s choice should be based on comfort. If she feels more comfortable in an off-white shade or pastel she can select beige, pink, blue, green or whatever is most becoming. 

A veil symbolizes maidenhood, and is taboo for a second marriage. So is a formal gown with a train, since a formal wedding with many attendants is not in keeping with a second marriage. 

The gown should be ballerina or street length, and instead of a veil, a small flower hat, a cap or a head dress complimenting the gown may be worn. The style of the gown is determined by the time of day of the wedding, but shoulder and upper arms should be covered. If the bride wears an after-five or dinner dress, the maid of honor and bridesmaids should dress accordingly. It is better to wear a suit or simple street dress if the wedding takes place at the pastor’s home, say the experts. 

The choice of engraved or hand-written invitations is governed by the number of invited guests. Hand-written invitations are correct for weddings of 50 guests or less. If more than 50 guests are invited, engraved invitations may be sent. The invitation should carry the bride’s full name, including her given name, maiden name and name by a previous marriage. 

Guests are not obliged to present a gift to the previously married bride, but most will. If you have been a widow or divorcee for a long time, you may invite to the wedding both families, as well as close friends, on both sides. 

Etiquette does not determine whether children of a first marriage should be present for the second wedding. The choice is up to the engaged couple. –Chicago (UPI) News, 1963

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Salad Etiquette and History

Originally, long lettuce forks and matching spoons were the proper accoutrements for serving salads in the late 19th and early 20th centuries. Eventually, by the mid 20th century, they became connected, made of plastic and mass marketed as “salad tongs,” though those who took much pride in entertaining, continued to use separate salad serving forks and spoons to serve their guests leafy, green salads.

To paint a complete portrait of the restaurant’s history, the iconic image of Man Carving a Roast should be accompanied by Man Mixing a Salad. For in haute restaurant-ology it is Man, not Woman, who rules the salad bowl.


In the 19th century wealthy men who styled themselves epicures often impressed their dining companions by rising from the table and mixing the salad. In the 20th century the custom passed into the hands of headwaiters at chi chi venues.

The tradition can be traced to peripatetic Frenchmen who wandered around Europe solemnly ministering to urban dinner parties with the contents of their small yet sacred chests of salad ingredients which included flavored vinegars, soy, caviar, truffles, anchovies, and other delectables.

In the 18th century sallad (spelled in the British manner) referred to a mixture of greens and herbs, possibly radishes, dressed with vinegar and oil and perhaps a raw egg. It could also mean chopped cabbage, known in the early 19th century as “cold” slaw. How many taverns, coffee houses, and other early eating places served salads is unknown but the number was probably very small and their salad days limited to springtime.

Although some green salads appeared on 19th century menus, the word salad more often referred to cold chopped meat or fish dressed with mayonnaise. Lobster and chicken were favorites. Combination salads and fruit salads did not come into popularity until the 20th century, largely due no doubt to the lower price of greens, vegetables, and imported bananas and pineapples.

The type of restaurant that did most to advance the green salad as a basic component of the American diet was the table d’hôte, a small French or Italian restaurant serving a fixed-price meal of about five courses. In 1844, patrons at the Café Tortoni in NYC enjoyed dinners of soup, stew-like entrees, roast meat, salads “mixed a la des Jardins,” and desserts. Head lettuce was rare, so typical salads featured romaine, chicory, dandelions, or field greens. Salad lovers particularly lauded Italian restaurants for their salads, both in the 19th and 20th centuries (despite the common appellation “Wop salad” ca. 1940-1970). In 1909 a patron wrote that Italian restaurant salads “are almost always good, and the dressing, made from red wine vinegar, is usually delicious. The mixed salad, in spring includes tomatoes, peppers, lettuce, celery, sometimes spinach and usually chives. Beet tops are also served as salad.”

In the New England countryside, on the other hand, salads were rare – and unsatisfactory. As a patron in a hotel dining room noted in 1881, “If by any chance there is lettuce on the table – for this happens rarely – and you manifest a desire to eat of it, the waiter puts before you the vinegar cruet and the sugar bowl. If you want to make a fool of yourself, call for salad oil. It will take some time to explain your meaning, and when you have done so the attendant will sneeringly inform her companions that ‘That feller eats grease on his lettis.’”

Although some thought salads were gaining popularity in the 1890s as sedentary city dwellers woke up to the wisdom of lighter fare, hotel cook Jessup Whitehead remarked in 1901 that “salads are not among the common popular dishes, and the average public seldom seems to think of them.” Many cooks had no idea how to prepare them, he added.


Salads became feminized in the 1920s. Perhaps it was the popularity of fruit salads in tea rooms, or the increasing use of flavored gelatin salads, but some male gourmets denounced women for preferring “comic salads” chosen for eye appeal rather than taste. Indeed there were some bizarre ones such as the Candlestick (illustrated), and others with names such as Clara Barton, Bon Ton, Butterfly, and Martini. Even a female tea room proprietor had to admit that “Atrocities have been committed in the name of salad.”

In the mid-20th century the tossed salad smothered under a layer of thick dressing became the standard start of a regulation meat and potatoes restaurant dinner. The high incidence of mediocre salads led syndicated columnist Inez Robb to launch a one-woman campaign in the 1960s against the two-pronged “red menace” to restaurant salads: chopped red cabbage and sludgy red-orange “French” dressing. Relief was on the way, for in the 1970s field greens returned, and ingredients rarely (but sometimes) found in salads of previous decades, such as olive oil, radicchio, and arugula came into wider use.–© Jan Whitaker, 2011

Jan Whitaker

We wish to thank Jan Whitaker for her allowing us to use another wonderful post from her blog. Says Jan, “We eat in restaurants several times a week and yet know very little about their history. I plan to dip into my archive of research and images every so often to present a little tidbit that highlights aspects of our American restaurant culture. Let me know your thoughts”- Restaurant-ing Through History

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and the Faux

From the 1935 film of the same name, the social-climbing “Alice Adams,” is doing whatever it takes to promote an appearance of grace, wealth and a lofty social standing to woo the handsome young man, who somehow finds her fascinating. Hiring a maid to serve at their ill-thought out dinner party, and tossing out French bon-mots while putting on airs, Alice’s facade-building is thrown into overdrive with the help of her mother and from the fear she’ll be exposed as a fraud. The charming Arthur Russell, seems to be aware of what’s going on, but only has second thoughts when Alice’s family, including her shady brother, can no longer continue on with the charade.

In 1938, someone had good manners confused with rules promoted by those who talked and wrote about “Best People” and “Best Society” 

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Our Artificial Life

We boast of our modern civilization, and in many respects, it is very wonderful. But it is also cluttered up by a lot of flubdub which reflects no credit upon the courage or intelligence of the average mortal. Out of deference to innumerable foolish customs, conventions and caprices, our lives are largely artificial and restricted. We must make ourselves uncomfortable in ridiculous clothing; we must become identified with enterprises in which we have no interest; we must pretend to enjoy things we loathe; we must submit to being bored stiff by tiresome people; we must bow to the decrees of self-constituted dictators in matters of etiquette or be classed as barbarians. 

Our actions are largely governed by inhibitions. Many of them trivial and without any bearing upon true character or morality, but nevertheless considered binding upon all who would appear civilized. Were these rules and regulations established by leaders possessed of superior morals or intellect, they might be observed with better grace. But if such were the case, the rules would probably be quite different from what they are. In the eyes of some of our arbiters, it appears that a breach of table manners is a more heinous offense than a violation of the moral code, to wear out-of-date clothing is more reprehensible than defrauding a creditor. But most of us lack the courage to rebel, because we must be regular and standardized if we would be classed among the “best people.” – LaHabra Valley Star, 1938

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

1930’s Etiquette Advice

From “Etiquette Circle”
Four Scenes Demonstrate Proper 
Week-end Etiquette

Characters: Robert Rodgers, Mr. Rodgers, Mary Rodgers, Mrs. Rodgers. 

Scene 1. Bob and Mary are seated by the fireside with their mother and father. Bob and Mary have just received an invitation to the beach home of the Carters. 

Bob: Mother, how would you answer the invitation. 
Mother: Bob, you ought to know. 
Bob: I’ve forgotten just how you would reply. Mother, please help me with it. 
Mother: This the answer most commonly used: 

Dear Mrs. Carter, 

We are very glad that we can accept your kind invitation to motor with you to your beach home at Palm Beach on the fifth of July. With many thanks for your kindness in thinking of us.  

Very sincerely, Robert and Mary Rodgers

Mary: Mother, what dresses will I need to take? We will only be there a coupla days. 
Mother: Why Mary! Such language! Don’t you know you should say “two days”! I think one party dress, one afternoon dress and possibly two more would be plenty. 

Scene 2: (The party has just arrived late Friday night. They are eating their luncheon in the dining room. Mr and Mrs. Vanderbilt, Jr., are among the guests present at the beach party.) 

Mary: This cake is awfully good and the icing is delicious. (wrong) This cake is very good and the icing is delicious. (right) 
Bob: This cake is my favorite and the ice cream is very refreshing. (The guests are now on the veranda chatting.) 
Mary: Bob, aren’t you getting tired? It’s nearly 12 o’clock. 
Bob: Come on, Mary, let’s go to our rooms. Curtain. 

Scene 3:  Bob and Mary have received an invitation to a musicale Saturday evening.) Here is the invitation: Saturday, July the sixth. Musicale, eight o’clock, Mr. and Mrs. James Henry Stanley request the pleasure of the company of Robert and Mary Rodgers at a musicale at the Beach Club, 1501 Palm Drive, Palm Beach. (Let’s hear what Mary is going to say to Bob before the concert.) 

Mary: Bob, please don't rattle paper or whisper while anyone is playing. 
Bob: Don’t you wiggle and twist as you usually do. Curtain. 

Scene 4:  Sunday evening Bob and Mary Rodgers arrived home after a pleasant weekend.

Mother: Did you have a good time. I hope you remembered to thank Mr. and Mrs. Carter for the pleasant week-end. 
Bob: We had a very goood time. 
Mary: We remembered to thank Mr. and Mrs. Carter. Bob and I had such a good time. Curtain. – “Ginger and Princess Sandra” for the LaHabra Star News, 1933

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

A Look at Campus Manners

“In his ‘Bad Child’s Book of Beasts’ Hilaire Belloc has a glove-fitting description of that child, now grown to semi-man’s estate and enrolled in college. Belloc wrote: ‘Who take their manners from the Ape, Their habits from the Bear. lndulge the loud unseemly jape. And never brush their hair.’ (A more recent British wit said that such youths no longer go to the barber's to have their hair cut; just to have the oil changed.) The above is a perfect description of the new breed of college students with the manners of the ape and the habits of the bear who shout down, jeer, heckle and physically threaten any campus speaker who fails to meet their menacing approval.” – Inez Robb, 1966

The Book of Beasts?  

The Manners of a New Breed of College Students

By Inez Robb 

In his “Bad Child’s Book of Beasts” Hilaire Belloc has a glove-fitting description of that child, now grown to semi-man’s estate and enrolled in college. Belloc wrote: “Who take their manners from the Ape, Their habits from the Bear. Indulge the loud unseemly jape. And never brush their hair.” (A more recent British wit said that such youths no longer go to the barber's to have their hair cut; just to have the oil changed.) The above is a perfect description of the new breed of college students with the manners of the ape and the habits of the bear who shout down, jeer, heckle and physically threaten any campus speaker who fails to meet their menacing approval. 

The latest such ape and bear demonstration, at Harvard where Defense Secretary Robert S. McNamara was noisily heckled, is only another incident in a long, and extremely tiresome series of such campus capers. In the manner of the ape and the bear, student demonstrators shouted down the Secretary so that he was unable to answer their complaints. Furthermore, his car was blocked by screaming students. One expects a little more of the privileged students of the oldest university in the Unitted States a little more responsibility. a little better concept of democracy, a little better concept of democracy, a surer grasp of sportsmanship and tolerance and a far better indoctrination in good manners. 

From Berkeley on the West Coast to Harvard on the East, past five years a new breed of college bum, who enrolls only to demonstrate for a variety of magnificent causes, such as legalization of LSD and pot, free love, fence-type language and freedom from the draft. It is just possible that I may be ignorant of the fact that universities and colleges are now offering a four-year course and a degree in Public Demonstrations, emphasizing social disorders and general incivility. Certainly, East to West, the faculty reaction to such inexcusably vulgar displays as occurred at Harvard has been Milquetoast-ish. Dean John U. Monro’s apology to Secretary McNamara was so wishy-washy as to be better left unwitten. And he has announced that no discipline is planned “because I hate to make a matter of disciplinary action of any kind of political activity or demonstration.” The dean’s statement is an open invitation for Harvard students, in the future, to hoot any other speaker off campus. 

It is intolerable to most American citizens that young hoodlums can picket the President of the United States no matter who he may be or what party he represents with such a shocking sign as: “Hey, Hey, LBJ, How Many Kids Did You Kill Today?” Tolerance and good sportamanship used to be American ideals, even in politics. This nation once held that it was the essence of democracy to listen to men with whom we disagreed that democracy could only flourish where men not only had the right of free speech but the right to be heard. And dear to Americans as good sportsmanship and democracy once were, so were good manners. We still buy more books on proper manners and polite behavior than any other nation in the world. But it is becoming obvious that no one reads them. 

By no means do students bear all the brunt. Anyone who attended the Republican National Convention in 1964 saw sportsmanship and the practice of democracy and good manners go by the board as adult partisans of the far right tried to shout Gov. Nelson A. Rockefeller and other moderate and liberal Republicans off the rostrum and out of the Cow Palace. The degeneration of good manners in this country is at least as shocking as that of tolerance, democracy and good sportsmanship. Money may make the world go round, but good manners are the axle grease that make it possible for us to live with one another. At this point we could stand a massive infusion of axle grease, lest the ape and the bear take over. (Copyright, 1966, by United Feature Syndicate, Inc.)

Inez Robb was a nationally syndicated columnist and prolific writer. After starting her career as a teen‐age reporter in Boise, Idaho, she eventually went on to become a war correspondent during WWII. In 1953 she joined the Scripps‐Howard Newspapers and the United Features Syndicate, and her column was carried in 140 newspapers. Robb also contributed to magazines, including The Saturday Evening Post, Vogue and Saturday Review. Her book, “Don't Just Stand There,” was published in 1962. Mrs. Robb retired in 1969 and died ten years later, at the age of 78.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Socrates, Manners and Teens

 One of the founders of Western philosophy, Socrates (c.470-399BC), was a classical Athenian philosopher and is considered the first moral philosopher of the Western ethical tradition of thought. His words on the manners lacking in youth, continue to resonate today. Also, Bill and Ted thought he was one excellent dude! (Photo source, Pinterest)

Socrates Said It

Has youth really changed very much through the years? Long before there was any such thing as an automobile, a TV set or a surf board, a sage named Socrates made this indictment of youth: “Our youth now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority. They show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up their food, and tyrannize their teachers.”

The ill-mannered, disrespectful ways of modern youth certainly should not be condoned, but we need not be so fearful about their future if we can tighten the parental reins. The exertion of parental authority certainly is needed as much today as it was in Socrates’ day. A child who respects and obeys his parents is not likely to drift into ways of delinquency. – LaHabra Star News, 1964

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Courtesy is Contagious, By Jupiter!

At the urging of Juno, Jupiter gives a cranky human, Thornton J. Poindexter, a chance to re-do one particular bad day. The message was to be “wisely selfish” and that “courtesy is contagious.”

Veteran actor, Chick Chandler, plays a man who reacts to every rudeness, supposed slight, or mishap around him all day, with rudeness. 

With the help of Jupiter during his do-over, Thornton J. Poindexter has nicely and politely changed his thinking, changed the ways he deals with others, and has made everyone around him happier, and more polite, as well. Oh... and he also got a nice steak instead of “boiled beef,” his newspaper slipped under his doormat as requested, the new bank loan he wanted, and earned some bonus points at the office.

Personnel Head Addresses Future Business Leaders of America

M. Garnett, Manager of the Alpha Beta Markets in the La Habra area, was the speaker at the Future Business Leaders of America meeting last Wednesday at the La Habra High School. Mr. Garnett showed a movie entitled "By Jupiter” which gave students hints on poise, manners and courtesy. After the movie cookies and punch were provided by FBLA members. –LaHabra Star, 1956

1947’s “By Jupiter!” was produced by Marshall Field’s as a way of “showing how all of us can make this world a much more pleasant place to live.”

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Soldiering on in Etiquette

“Never must he lift the curiosity-provoking veil, with which a Moslem women covers her face.” – Above, a cultural guide of countries with majority Muslim populations and how the women should dress accordingly.

Etiquette in North Africa

The army booklet, handed to every soldier when he lands in North Africa, explains to him the how and why of daily life around him. If he enters a bakery, he must remove his shoes, since the baker slices the bread out of the oven on to the floor, and customers object to dirt tracked in from the street. He should drink three cups of tea, if offered, but never four, and even if left-handed, must eat always with his right. 

Never must he lift the curiosity-provoking veil, with which a Moslem women covers her face. Uncle Sam’s recognition for the necessity of overcoming ignorance of unfamiliar ways, heartens with its realism. There’s an old saying— “l cannot hate whom I understand.” When each nation deals sympathetically with the other’s customs, first steps toward a peaceful world will have been taken. We can enjoy each other’s differences, rather than despise them. If true for individuals, why not for nations? – Sotoyome Scimitar, 1943

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and the Homburg Cure

Bad Homburg vor der Höhe, is a former royal spa in Germany. Today it continues to offer traditional health treatments, rest and rejuvenation. The drinking of the water is the great feature of the cure at Homburg, but bathing is also employed. Edward VII was often a guest. It was he who introduced the Homburg hat and permanent turn-up trousers. He underwent fasting cures at Homburg 32 times. “The Prince of Wales takes his cure like a little man, promising himself, no doubt, that there is a good time coming. It takes a close observer to detect in him the slender boy who visited us in 1860. He is not tall, and is stout, and wore in the park at Homburg a suit of the color of a cinnamon bear, a calico shirt, red cravat, untanned leather shoes, soft brown hat, with a broad figured ribbon, carried a stick, and was followed by an Esquimaux dog, white as snow and too dignified to wag his tail.” – 1887

Albert Edward and “The Cure” at Homburg

People do not get introduced to the Prince of Wales at Homburg through running after him. The etiquette of the place is not to notice him. Not one person in a dozen who passes him on the walks even looks at him. His face is as familiar as that of one of the trees in the park, and makes no sensation. “The cure” at Homburg is an exciting business. One must be up at 7 in the morning at latest, and the usual course is to take one glass of water from the favorite spring at 7 o'clock and walk for a quarter of an hour ; then a second glass and a walk for another quarter of an hour ; a third glasa and a walk for an hour. This brings breakfast time, and one is allowed for breakfast two eggs and one cup of coffee without milk or sugar. After breakfast, bathe in a decoction of pine leaves. Luncheon at 1:00, two glasses of water and an hour’s walk from 4 to 5 ; dinner at 6:00, and the fashionable hour to retire is 9. There are no sauces or uncooked vegetables; no raw fruit or salads or wine, except a little hock, permitted. One who keeps this up for three weeks is believed to get the full benent of “the cure,” and to be ready for another season of pleasure or hard work. 

The Prince of Wales takes his cure like a little man, promising himself, no doubt, that there is a good time coming. It takes a close observer to detect in him the slender boy who visited us in 1860. He is not tall, and is stout, and wore in the park at Homburg a suit of the color of a cinnamon bear, a calico shirt, red cravat, untanned leather shoes, soft brown hat, with a broad figured ribbon, carried a stick, and was followed by an Esquimaux dog, white as snow and too dignified to wag his tail. The Prince generally walked with a rush, as if he had a severe duty to perform and meant to set through it, and he was always accompanied by a lady, usually some one else's sister, occasionally his own sister, the Princess Christian. He was not an obtrusive person, and there were no ceremonies about, only he was allowed to go about his business, having for the time the coveted freedom of a private citizen; and those who met him said he seemed to be a companionable man, who asked many questions with much intelligence, and did not have to have many jokes explained to him. If he desires to form an acquaintance, we presume his overtures are rarely declined.

We are not aware that the American minister has recorded a “reverence” for the Prince. He often meets the Prince, and testifies to his good fellowship. The Prince told him that he was anxious to meet Mr. Blaine, and when he did meet Blaine he wanted to see him again. The Prince of Wales possesses points of peculiar interest. He may very soon be the King of Great Britain and Ireland and the Emperor of India. But he is not playing the despot. He is as careful in the cultivation of the arts of popularity as if he were a candidate for the Presidency. He is one of the closest students of current history, and he is much of the time very laboriously engaged in public duties, many of which are thrown upon him by the widowhood and infirmities of his mother. He has made it a point to be polite to Americans. Is that the reason why he should be particularly obnoxious to us? It is not bad policy to cultivate pleasant relations with the other English-speaking people?

The education of the Prince, as the Prince, has of course been a detriment to men, for royalty is a sham that must pass away. But few men know so well the weakness of it as the Prince of Wales. He is a very good public speaker, and there are many of his speeches that could not have been written for him and memorized. Those who know him say he speaks very well indeed, and he has a manly voice, and his universal reputation is that he is gifted in tact, and that he is good humored and studious to please. He is a great improvement on the run of Princes of Wales, and should have credit for it. – Cincinnati Commercial Gazette, 1887

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Curious Conjugal Etiquette

In parts of the Fiji Islands, a husband and wife, if they wished to meet, must meet in secret ; a similar secrecy is or was obligatory among the Circassians, and even among the Hottentots.
 Above – Samuel Daniell’s “Korah Hottentots,” or “Korah-Khoikhoi dismantling their huts, preparing to move to new pastures.” aquatint by Samuel Daniell, 1805 (public domain image)

Old Matrimonial Etiquette and Customs 

Among primitive tribes, some very strange rules of etiquette appeared to govern the matrimonial relationship. Convention prevented the Yoruba wife from either speaking to, or even seeing her husband, if it could be avoided, and the Aleutian islanders had the same regulation about speaking. In parts of the Fiji Islands, a husband and wife, if they wished to meet, must meet in secret ; a similar secrecy is or was obligatory among the Circassians, and even among the Hottentots. But the African Kingdom of Futa bears off the palm in these respects, if an old traveler is to be credited, who assured us that wives there were so bashful as never to let their husbands see them without a veil for three years after their marriage.


The same sort of feeling was manifested in other curious customs. Among the Esquimaux, even in cases where the course of true love ran its smoothest and accorded fully with parental settlements, certain old women had to be sent to drag the bride forcibly to her husband's hut, she being obliged under the penalty of an ill name to “make as if it went against the grain and as if she were much ruffled at it.” A Kamschatkan girl, however well disposed she may have been to her future spouse, made it a point of honor to pretend to refuse him, and the form of force on his side and of resistance on hers, was in any case to be regularly performed. And the wild tribe, the Hos of India, regarded it as the correct thing for a wife to run away from her husband and to tell her friends that she neither loved him nor would ever see him again, while he in his turn was expected to display great anxiety for his lass and when he had found his wife, after diligent search, carried her home again by main force. – Gentleman's Magazine, 1888

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Singled Out by Russian Etiquette

Single women were singled out – Etiquette required that Sofia Kovalevskaya, who went on to become a celebrated mathematician, be married to attend a Russian university. (Image- public domain)

Where Girls Must Marry

In Russia, if a girl desires to study at either of the universities, etiquette requires that she should be married. Accordingly she goes through the civil form of marriage with one of the men students, whom she may never have seen before and perhaps, may never speak to again.

These marriages are perfectly legal, and if the contracting parties like each other, they are united for life, but otherwise the marriage is dissolved when their university course is finished and both are free to marry again. Sofia Kovalevskaya, the celebrated mathematician, went through the civil marriage ceremony with a student whom she then saw for the first time, but who eventually became her husband.— Home Notes, 1901

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

A Barbarous Etiquette?

Bertie was, according to Professor Jane Ridley, “the first English Prince to visit Jerusalem since Richard the Lionheart, but he got on much better with the Muslims than the Crusader did.” – 

Nearly 40 years prior to becoming King Edward VII, young Prince Albert, known as Bertie, was sent by Queen Victoria on a Royal tour of Egypt and the Holy Places of Palestine and Syria.This trip became the template for the British Royals and tours we know of today, not least because it was the first that the people could actually see as an official photographer, Francis Bedford, accompanied the Prince. While on the tour, in a move that even today’s Royal Princes might consider a step too far – Bertie got a tattoo on his forearm  – five crosses forming a Crusader’s Jerusalem cross.  

The order issued by the King of Great Britain for his first entry into Parliament includes a requirement that women participating shall wear dresses cut low. The affair will take place in the afternoon. The order must, therefore, shock the American flunkies, who maintain that a swallow-tail coat and a low-necked gown must never be worn before 6 o'clock, summer or winter. There are men and women who profoundly wish that neither a swallow-tail coat nor a low-necked dress should ever be worn, with an exception in favor of cutting out the dress bodice modestly for coolness in the heated term. The objection to the Royal and Imperial British order for low-necked dresses when the Emperor of India opens the houses of Parliament is, however, purely humane. 

Every woman who can will endeavor to be present on so exciting an occasion. The order is absolute as to exposure of the shoulders and bust to winter weather, whatever it may be that day. Pneumonia is as prevalent in London as in Chicago, perhaps more so. The doctors will have a profitable increase of business following the day the Emperor of India appears before Parliament. Nor should the new Monarch be hastily censured for this barbarous ritual. He has said that he will follow the steps of the late Monarch, who never relaxed or suspended this rule at her drawing rooms, always held by day, and always the cause of serious illness, with their full proportion of consequent deaths. This is one of the objects for which Monarchies are maintained — to thin out the population.— Chicago Chronicle, 1901

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Table Manners and Food History

Remember the nursery rhyme about “four and twenty black birds” flying out of a pie? That recipe “To Make Pies That the Birds May Be Alive in Them and Flie Out When It Is Cut Up" exists. It was translated into English from an Italian man named Epulario who wrote a cookbook in 1598. The pie, whose bottom part is edible, is baked with a cavity large enough to put “as many small live birds as the empty coffin will hold.” 

Of Culinary Classics and Manners for Them

The history of the culinary arts is a fascinating one. It is curious to read not only the recipes and ingredients, but the table manners and lifestyles of our forebearers. In writing about the culinary and household intrigues of the British royal family, my taste for other histories of food, diet and recipes was sharpened. “The Delectable Past,” by Esther B. Aresty, is a unique history of cuisine. Written by a collector of rare and antique cookbooks, Mrs. Aresty translates recipes from ancient Rome, to the Renaissance and Elizabethan periods to early American cooking into modern recipes that we can make in our own kitchens. 

She shares recipes written in crude early English with its irregular spelling and quaint words. One medieval recipe for “King Richard's Salat” goes like this: “Take parsel, sawge, garlec, chibollas (small onions) onyons, leeks, borage, myntes, fenel and ton tressis (cress), rew (rue), rosemarye, purslayre (purslain). Lave, and waishe hem clene; pike hem, pluk hem small with thyn hande and myng hem wel with rawe oile. Lay one vynegar and salt, and serve it forth.” 

The recipes from this 1390 royal cookbook titled “The Forme of Cury” are written in the blunt language of medieval England and sometimes sound as violent as the events that were transpiring there,” writes Mrs Aresty. These following descriptions are for the making of hash: “Take hares and hew them into gobbets . . Take conies (rabbits) and smite them to pieces; seeth them in grease. Take chickens and ram them together, serve them broken.” Can you imagine being in a restaurant in that time?: “Hey, Harry, gimme a rammed, broken chicken heavy on the grease!” Apparently, the reason most foods were minced or hashed was because there were no such thing as forks. Most foods were eaten with spoons and were heavily spiced and often combined with an almond paste used like a cream sauce! 

Mrs. Aresty, who seems to be a culinary historian, gives in original manuscript form, a recipe “that started its career in medieval days and made its way down through the centuries.” Here it is in original form: “Take creme of cowe mylke (or) almandes. Do thereto ayren (eggs), with sugar, safron and salt. Medle it ifere (mix it together). Do it in a coffyn of two ynche depe; bake it wel and serve it forth.” In a more updated version this creamy tart that sounds like a forerunner of cheesecake or custard pie.

A couple of hundred years later, when printing had been invented, cookbooks (written by men, then) were also put to press. Fortunately for us, those prizes also give us ground to believe our fantasy and literature. Remember the nursery rhyme about “four and twenty black birds” flying out of a pie? That recipe “To Make Pies That the Birds May Be Alive in Them and Flie Out When It Is Cut Up" exists. It was translated into English from an Italian man named Epulario who wrote a cookbook in 1598. The pie, whose bottom part is edible, is baked with a cavity large enough to put “as many small live birds as the empty coffin will hold.” 

Another Italian, Bartolomeo Scappi, wrote one of the most important of the Renaissance cookbooks, according to Mrs. Aresty. This 1570 “Cooking Secrets of Pope Pius V” gave a recipe for a doughnut-type cookie, which was boiled first, then baked Mrs Aresty adapts the recipe so it is a rather buttery cookie that is baked only.  – The Desert Sun News, 1981

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Manners and Mistaken Identities

Evidently, Lady Violet was not the first person to make this mistake! 

“Celebrities” Graciously Accepting Tips

Visitors at an English country house are allowed to do whatever they like during the forenoon. An eminent geologist, who was entertained at one of these houses, asked for coffee early one morning and started out with a suit of old clothes and a bag of tools to make a special study of the rock ledges of the estate. During the forenoon, one of the country gentry came upon him by the roadside, and supposing him to be a workman entered into conversation with him. The geologist was seated on a ledge of rock and was making vigorous use of mallet and chisel.

The stranger talked with him in a patronizing way, and, while not receiving an intelligible account of the work on which he was engaged, was impressed with the supposed workman's intelligence and good manners. Indeed, he fumbled in his pocket and brought out a half crown, which he tossed to the man with the mallet. The geologist seemed surprised, but picked it up and put it in his pocket after thanking the gentleman. There was a dinner party at the country house in the evening and the same gentleman was introduced to the eminent geologist, who at once began to laugh. “I have the half crown,” he said at once, “and I shall not give it up. It is the first tip I ever received, and I shall show it to my friends as a trophy of superior intelligence.” 

Lord James once had a similar experience. He was strolling through the Temple Gardens in London when a party of tourists encountered him and asked to be directed to some of the most interesting places. He volunteered to show them about, and took them first to the Temple Church and Goldsmith's Grave, and finally to the famous Elizabethan Hall of the Middle Temple. His explanations were lucid and interesting, and when he parted from his new acquaintances, one of them gave him a schilling, and remarked that few guides were equally intelligent. The nobleman took the shilling demurely and thanked the stranger. He is said to have kept it to this day, and to have frequently told the story of his experience with the innocent tourists in the Temple Gardens. 

Another story is related of an English Duke who was standing at the door of his house when a carriage rolled up. A near-sighted gentleman alighted, asked if it was the Duke's residence, and on receiving a respectful nod from the supposed servant, gave him a shilling. The Duke, perceiving that he had been mistaken for a footman, kept the shilling, raised his hand to his forehead and made the usual salute. The near-sighted gentleman went into the house, and in due time was presented to the Duke, and never had a suspicion that he had tipped one of the highest members of the British aristocracy at his own door. The Duke could hardly have offered a more striking proof that he was a gentleman by instinct, as well as by birth, than by pocketing the unintentional affront to his dignity. – San Francisco Call, 1898

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Alcohol, Society and Mores

A Depiction of a 16th Century Brewery – “Chaucer, it will be conceded, was an accurate painter of the contemporary manners. With the one exception of Shakespeare, no Englishman has surpassed him. Many of the characters in the “Canterbury Tales” got drunk, and misfortunes happen to them in consequence, but nothing is ever said to indicate that the poet had any sympathy with this gross form of vice. The same may be stated of the Elizabethan dramatists.” – (image source, wikimedia commons)

Drinking in the Middle Ages

We are of opinion that drinking had not in the Middle Ages, reached anything like the disgusting extreme at which we find it in the latter part of the seventeenth century and the whole of the eighteenth century. Chaucer, it will be conceded, was an accurate painter of the contemporary manners. With the one exception of Shakespeare, no Englishman has surpassed him. Many of the characters in the “Canterbury Tales” got drunk, and misfortunes happen to them in consequence, but nothing is ever said to indicate that the poet had any sympathy with this gross form of vice. The same may be stated of the Elizabethan dramatists. It is not until we reach the reign of Charles II that we find writers of repute, speaking of excess in drink as if it were no frailty, but rather a virtue. 

This distorted view of things continued getting worse and worse until the days of our grandfathers. All eighteenth-century literature is full of it. There was a print once so popular that it was found on the walls of cottages, as well as in bar parlors, which represented two compartments. In each was a man sitting. The first was labeled “A Jolly Good Fellow.” He had a tankard of foaming beer beside him. The other had for the inscription “A Muckworm,” and represented a thin and care-worn man, making entries in a ledger. 

The inference to be drawn, of course, was that the man who cast up his accounts was infinitely inferior in the social scale to the boon companion who stupefied himself with beer. We imagine this was the common feeling of the time, and that it continued in many classes down to the beginning of the present reign. We ourselves knew a farmer who had broken his ribs twice and an arm three times by falling off horseback when returning drunk from market. – The Academy, 1884

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia