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| The amusing and fascinating book, Cherry Denman's, ‘Diplomatic Incidents - Memoirs of an (Un) Diplomatic Wife’ |
Table Manners and a Semi-Diplomatic Guide Book
“Never underestimate the usefulness of official entertaining. When ice needs to be broken, when friendships need to be forged and contacts consolidated, what better tool to use than food and drink?”
I want to share with you one of the funniest books I have read so far is Cherry Denman’s, “Diplomatic Incidents - Memoirs of an (Un) Diplomatic Wife.” You really do will laugh out loud at experiences that she and her husband, a diplomat for the United Kingdom, encountered when posted to a new assignment. I’m sharing my favorite excerpts from her wonderfully detailed book and I am sure you too will ‘lol’.
Let’s really dig in to some delicious bits of Denman’s book…
“Charlie has never flinched in the service of his country. He has chomped his way through jellyfish, ducks' feet, slugs, deep-fried scorpions, donkey burger, assorted testicles, unmentionable innards, turtles, frog-snot, swallows' vomit, snake, dog, camel's hump, yak's eye and my cooking. He was even offered bear's paw on one trip round China and when he drew the line at this, his hosts tried to insist he ate it because next year it would be an endangered species.”
Wow, has that happened to you at someone’s house or at a restaurant? It has happened to many the world over and when you think about it, yes, it does make your stomach turn. How do you bring it light without making drama at the table? Simply, call over the servers point to the offending object and hopefully your meal will be replaced. At someone’s house catch the eye of your host, quickly point to it with gaining attention from those at the table and your host should be up and over to you within seconds replacing your plate.
“My first-ever diplomatic dinner party was a disaster. I had discovered through a series of embarrassing misunderstandings that foreigners are in fact a lot more formal than Brits, so I had gone all out to do things properly. I had invited a number of young diplomats from other embassies in Peking.”
I’ve made embarrassing cooking mistakes and boy have I learnt from them. I like to be super prepared. Let’s say it’s an evening event, I will set and decorate the table in the morning making sure glasses and plates are clean and napkins are laundered. A day or two before I will create the menu and match wines and non-alcoholic beverages to the meal served. Just in case a meal fails, I will make extra which will be waiting for me in the freezer or cooked fresh on the day…for those unexpected ‘dining disasters’.
“Chinese National Day is always worth attending because the food is so good, except for one year when their chefs didn't separate the sweet dishes from the savoury. Everyone piled their plates with spring rolls and noodles, dim sum and butterfly prawns, and poured what they thought to be sweet and sour sauce over everything. It turned out to be a sweet, sickly strawberry custard.”
Have you gone to someone’s house and received ‘less-than-likeable-food’, yes, I have! There is a diplomat inside of us that says you-can-do-this. It is polite to eat some of the food served and you can leave the rest. If there is food that meets your approval, why not take a few servings of that dish to show you are enjoying the hosts food.
“As for dietary restrictions, I once had to cook a dinner party for a group who consisted of a Jewish couple, one of whom was diabetic, two vegans, one person suffering from coeliac disease and one who was allergic to dairy products. Oh, and one nut allergy.”
Arrrrhhh that’s me screaming!!! Allergies and dietaryrestrictions are now something that the modern host needs to deal with. Could you imagine dealing with the guests Cherry Denman hosted! As a host it is good to ask if people have these food requirements and for guests to inform the host. This should occur when the invitation has been given so it gives the host fair warning before shopping is completed.
“At a Chinese banquet I spun the Lazy Susan in the centre of the table with such enthusiasm that the protruding serving spoons knocked over all the wine glasses, one by one, sending China's No. 1 Great Wall claret cascading over everyone's deep-fried noodles with pig's intestines, radically changing the recipe to soup. And I was completely sober.”
Always consider something might go awry...be prepared as a girl scout! I’m sure this was quite amusing to see a diplomats wife spin the wheel of fortune…or unfortunate! When someone spills, breaks or more, keep your cool, smile and proceed to fix the mistake with flawless ease and pretend it never happened.
Basic Etiquette
“Charlie has never flinched in the service of his country. He has chomped his way through jellyfish, ducks' feet, slugs, deep-fried scorpions, donkey burger, assorted testicles, unmentionable innards, turtles, frog-snot, swallows' vomit, snake, dog, camel's hump, yak's eye and my cooking. He was even offered bear's paw on one trip round China and when he drew the line at this, his hosts tried to insist he ate it because next year it would be an endangered species.”
Wow, has that happened to you at someone’s house or at a restaurant? It has happened to many the world over and when you think about it, yes, it does make your stomach turn. How do you bring it light without making drama at the table? Simply, call over the servers point to the offending object and hopefully your meal will be replaced. At someone’s house catch the eye of your host, quickly point to it with gaining attention from those at the table and your host should be up and over to you within seconds replacing your plate.
“My first-ever diplomatic dinner party was a disaster. I had discovered through a series of embarrassing misunderstandings that foreigners are in fact a lot more formal than Brits, so I had gone all out to do things properly. I had invited a number of young diplomats from other embassies in Peking.”
I’ve made embarrassing cooking mistakes and boy have I learnt from them. I like to be super prepared. Let’s say it’s an evening event, I will set and decorate the table in the morning making sure glasses and plates are clean and napkins are laundered. A day or two before I will create the menu and match wines and non-alcoholic beverages to the meal served. Just in case a meal fails, I will make extra which will be waiting for me in the freezer or cooked fresh on the day…for those unexpected ‘dining disasters’.
“Chinese National Day is always worth attending because the food is so good, except for one year when their chefs didn't separate the sweet dishes from the savoury. Everyone piled their plates with spring rolls and noodles, dim sum and butterfly prawns, and poured what they thought to be sweet and sour sauce over everything. It turned out to be a sweet, sickly strawberry custard.”
Have you gone to someone’s house and received ‘less-than-likeable-food’, yes, I have! There is a diplomat inside of us that says you-can-do-this. It is polite to eat some of the food served and you can leave the rest. If there is food that meets your approval, why not take a few servings of that dish to show you are enjoying the hosts food.
“As for dietary restrictions, I once had to cook a dinner party for a group who consisted of a Jewish couple, one of whom was diabetic, two vegans, one person suffering from coeliac disease and one who was allergic to dairy products. Oh, and one nut allergy.”
Arrrrhhh that’s me screaming!!! Allergies and dietaryrestrictions are now something that the modern host needs to deal with. Could you imagine dealing with the guests Cherry Denman hosted! As a host it is good to ask if people have these food requirements and for guests to inform the host. This should occur when the invitation has been given so it gives the host fair warning before shopping is completed.
“At a Chinese banquet I spun the Lazy Susan in the centre of the table with such enthusiasm that the protruding serving spoons knocked over all the wine glasses, one by one, sending China's No. 1 Great Wall claret cascading over everyone's deep-fried noodles with pig's intestines, radically changing the recipe to soup. And I was completely sober.”
Always consider something might go awry...be prepared as a girl scout! I’m sure this was quite amusing to see a diplomats wife spin the wheel of fortune…or unfortunate! When someone spills, breaks or more, keep your cool, smile and proceed to fix the mistake with flawless ease and pretend it never happened.
Other Tricks and Manners’ Minded Tips
Basic Etiquette
Start with the basics. Arrive on time, greet your host or hostess warmly, and offer to help with drinks or appetizers.
Mobile Phones
Mobile Phones
This is a big one! Silence your phone and avoid checking it during meals. It's a sign of disrespect to those around you.
Ordering and Eating
Ordering and Eating
Be mindful of others when ordering and take your time eating. Avoid making noise while eating or drinking and elbows off the table.
Passing Food
When passing dishes, always pass to the right. If a dish is being passed around, don’t grab it directly across the table; wait until it comes to you in the natural order.
Engaging in Conversation
Mealtime conversation is an art. Listen attentively and engage with others but avoid controversial topics unless you’re in a setting where such discussions are welcome.
Handling Difficult Foods
Certain foods can be tricky, such as pasta, soup, or shellfish. For shellfish, use the appropriate utensils or your hands as needed, and always follow the lead of your host if you’re unsure.
Responding to Service
Treat waitstaff with respect. If you need to get a server’s attention, raise your hand slightly or make brief eye contact rather than calling out or waving.
In our increasingly casual world, it’s easy to dismiss table manners as outdated or unnecessary. However, good manners transcend the table; they are about respect, discipline, and cultural awareness. Ultimately, table manners are a form of communication, silently conveying your appreciation for the food, the company, and the shared experience. So, the next time you sit down to eat, remember these tips and tricks, and take pride in the art of dining well. –By Elizabeth Soos, Founder of Auersmont School of Etiquette & Protocol
Passing Food
When passing dishes, always pass to the right. If a dish is being passed around, don’t grab it directly across the table; wait until it comes to you in the natural order.
Engaging in Conversation
Mealtime conversation is an art. Listen attentively and engage with others but avoid controversial topics unless you’re in a setting where such discussions are welcome.
Handling Difficult Foods
Certain foods can be tricky, such as pasta, soup, or shellfish. For shellfish, use the appropriate utensils or your hands as needed, and always follow the lead of your host if you’re unsure.
Responding to Service
Treat waitstaff with respect. If you need to get a server’s attention, raise your hand slightly or make brief eye contact rather than calling out or waving.
In our increasingly casual world, it’s easy to dismiss table manners as outdated or unnecessary. However, good manners transcend the table; they are about respect, discipline, and cultural awareness. Ultimately, table manners are a form of communication, silently conveying your appreciation for the food, the company, and the shared experience. So, the next time you sit down to eat, remember these tips and tricks, and take pride in the art of dining well. –By Elizabeth Soos, Founder of Auersmont School of Etiquette & Protocol
For many years, Etiquipedia contributor, Elizabeth Soos, has had a keen interest in cultural customs. With her European background and extensive travel, Soos developed an interest in the many forms of respect and cultural expectations in the countries she has visited. With her 20 years’ experience in customer service within private international companies based in Australia, and her lifetime interest in manners and research, she decided to branch out into the field of etiquette and deportment. Through her self-directed studies and by completing the Train-The-Trainer’s course offered by Emma Dupont’s School of Etiquette in London and by Guillaume Rue de Bernadac at Academie de Bernadac based in Paris and Shanghai, she founded Auersmont School of Etiquette. Elizabeth is currently traveling throughout India and brushing up on her Hindi.
www.auersmont.com | +61 466 344 331 | auersmont@gmail.com
🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia © Etiquette Encyclopedia
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